Man Made Memories
by Catty
Summary: Maggie is long gone and PJ still isn't coping....
1. Chapter 1

Almost.

Almost, but not quite.

Two years. Nearly two whole years.

Seven hundred and twenty nine days, twenty-three hours and twelve minutes and eighteen seconds.

Nineteen.

Twenty.

PJ Hasham sat at his desk and stared into space. Seven hundred and twenty nine days since she'd gone. Since she'd been shot and bled to death in his arms. Since her heart had stopped, and her life had been so cruelly stolen. Since his own reality, his heart – since his life had screeched to a halt as well.

He'd stayed in Mount Thomas, he couldn't have left, not when her memories were here, when she was all around him, when their love, their life was so tangible, so real. He couldn't have left, he wouldn't have coped anywhere else – and he wasn't coping here.

Two years had passed, almost. Two long, savagely lonely years. To be quite honest, he wasn't really sure how he had made it through; so many times he had seriously considered ending it all, going to her, being with her, his hand slippery over the handle of his gun. He'd gone to the outcrop, the russet red ridge of rocks where they'd said their goodbyes before faking that disastrous argument. The argument that was supposed to convince everyone that their love was over, that they were no longer soul-mates, no longer so deeply in love it made people's hearts smile. He'd gone there, the gun heavy in his hands, his heart breaking at missing her so much. At craving her touch, her smile, her love once again. Falling apart at the realisation once more that she was dead, and that she would never be coming back. And, after hours of sitting, of thinking, of grieving again, he would stand, holster his weapon and go home and get blindingly drunk as he wept for everything they had lost.

Seven hundred and twenty nine days, twenty-three hours and twelve minutes and twenty-nine minutes.


	2. Chapter 2

Seven hundred and twenty nine days, twenty-three hours and twelve minutes and twenty-nine minutes.

Tom Croydon stared at the closed door to PJ's office. He'd tried to talk to the detective when he arrived that morning, but PJ's expression made it all too painfully aware that he didn't want to talk. And so, Tom had watched as PJ shut the door behind him, and could only imagine the pain the man must have been feeling. Tom had loved Maggie Doyle like she was a daughter. A strong, vibrant, energetic daughter, ready to take on the world and beat it at its own game. Maggie Doyle had more energy and honestly than anyone Tom had ever known, and he both respected and loved her for those qualities. This agonizing thing was, that it was those very qualities that had got her killed.

It had been inevitable, so inevitable that PJ and Maggie would eventually get together. A blind man would have been able to see the sparks that arced between those two, the intense emotions, the want, the need and the desire. It had taken a while before those emotions had spilled to the surface, and true to the way they worked, they had only surfaced under protest. They'd tried to keep it hidden, a nod to the rules and regulations that simply didn't understand how they felt about their jobs, and more importantly about each other. They'd tried to keep it a secret, but it had all spilled out, cut open by the very thing that had killed her in the end. Her honesty, her curiosity – her quest to do the right thing.

The first time, the first time he'd thought she was dead – and an ironic smile lightly graced Tom's lips at that thought – the first time had been when she had been taken into Witness Protection. She'd come a little too close to uncovering the truth about some dirty cops. Some lowdown, skin-crawlingly corrupt cops. She had vanished, spirited away until it had all been sorted and the way was clear for her to resurface.

PJ had not handled it well. Her car, her still smoking burnt out car had acted as a precipice for the total disintegration of PJ's heart. His public and oh so visible collapse had only revealed what most of his colleagues either knew in their hearts or suspected. PJ had loved her with an all consuming, powerful adoration, he lived for her smile, her touch, and she returned the passion.

And then, as a consequence of Maggie opening that woeful can of worms, it had all come back with a vengeance, and she had been shot dead, the man holding the gun none other than her own brother, Mick. She had died a dreadful death in the arms of the man who loved her so much, her blood staining his heart as it laced that cold concrete floor with her life. PJ had collapsed inwardly, his only focus in life to find those responsible and to ensure that they paid for ending his future, for taking Maggie from those who needed her so much, who loved her so much.

And he had achieved that, he had brought them to justice – and it had made no difference. His eyes were still lifeless, lacking the passion they once held. He went about his duties methodically, routinely, but it wasn't him. PJ Hasham, Patrick Joseph Hasham, the man with the impish smile, the sneaky sense of humour, the team player – he was gone. Maggie had taken him with her. Left in his place was a shell of a man, a Detective who got the job done and went home to an empty house and a broken heart.

Seven hundred and twenty nine days, twenty-three hours and thirty four minutes and seven seconds.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam, thanks for reading and for feeding me!! And blueheelersgurl, sorry for the mixup with this story and for losing your comments, I'm not the most technically minded of people and something happened so I lost the story and had to repost. To everyone else, I hope you're enjoying this.

- - - - - -

3

Seven hundred and twenty nine days, twenty-three hours and thirty four minutes and seven seconds.

"I want to see the Detective. No, Milly, not an ordinary plod, I want to see a Detective. You're worth more than an ordinary plod" came a forceful voice as the door to the station was flung open. "Right, you. Where's the Detective?" Christophe De Vandoorn believed himself to be an imposing young man, to be afforded the best in life and nothing less. His long suffering girlfriend, Milly West was beginning to tire of this, but then again the fortune that Christophe stood to inherit on his thirty-fifth birthday was a rather compelling reason to stay.

Tom Croydon stood and watched Christophe play the pompous prat, something he had perfected over time. He had a family home in Mount Thomas, a family home that was now more of a hobby farm as most of the family had left the area and put down roots elsewhere. Kay De Vandoorn had wanted to sell the farm when her husband had died three years ago, but her wilful son had put an end to that idea, demanding that he inherit it as it was a good little tax dodge – at least that was the story Tom had heard, and he was pretty sure that it was mostly true. Kay had been a quiet woman, dominated by her husband and son, but a well-liked member of the community nonetheless. Tom smiled as he remembered Kay's rather excellent cooking skills; her vanilla slice had been a particular favourite of his.

"Croydon! Wake up man! I want to see the Detective." Christophe yelped, leaning over the desk, his spittle showering Tom's shirt. Stepping back in distaste, Tom opened his mouth to tell Christophe that PJ was unavailable. He may be here in body, but his mind was elsewhere – especially today. The sound of a door opening to his right made him glance over, and Tom was surprised to see PJ emerge.

"Send him in, Boss. I – just send him in"

Tom moved over to the hatch, his nerves grating slightly as he saw that Christophe had already raised it and was making his way through, Milly following behind him. Seating himself in front of PJ's desk, Christophe waited impatiently as Tom pulled a chair over for Milly. PJ watched with impassive blue eyes, wanting to get this over and done with, so that he could get back to thinking about Maggie. His gaze was once again drawn to her photo, the one taken when she wasn't expecting it, capturing her mid-laugh, her eyes sparkling with happiness and pure joy. It sat on his desk, a painful and perfect reminder of her, of what he had once held in his heart, and what had been ripped from his soul. With a shake of his head, PJ dragged himself back to the present.


	4. Chapter 4

With a shake of his head, PJ dragged himself back to the present.

"What can we do – "

"You can get yourself out there and find the bastard, that's what you can do!" Christophe demanded, this time showering himself with spittle. Wiping his face with the back of his hand, he sat up a little straighter. 'He's out there, the little bastard, and you're going to go get him and throw away the key. And if you don't, I will."

"And exactly who might this 'little bastard' be, and why would we want him?" Tom asked when PJ continued to silently stare at the photograph in front of him.

"Are you listening? Hasham, are you listening to me at all?"

"I'm listening" PJ said, picking up a pen and straightening the notepad in front of him. "I'm listening. What's the problem?"

'Now he listens!! I don't suppose it would interest you to know that you've got a gunman on the loose? That some maniac is taking potshots at my Milly here?" Christophe announced, his tone condescending and derogotary. "You think a little thing like that might interest the great Detective Hasham?"

PJ tensed at the tone and the implication, but let it wash over him. It wasn't worth getting riled up, nothing was worth anything any more. Get the job done, go home, get up, get the job done – that's all that mattered now.

"He's not bloody listening again, Croydon, what is it, am I not important enough? Am I not blonde enough?" Christophe glanced at the picture that held the detective's attention. "Someone took a shot at Milly, for god's sake!! What if it was her?" Christophe reached over and snatched the photo from the desk. 'What if it was blondie here that was shot? What if someone put a bullet in her?"


	5. Chapter 5

"He's not bloody listening again, Croydon, what is it, am I not important enough? Am I not blonde enough?" Christophe glanced at the picture that held the detective's attention. "Someone took a shot at Milly, for god's sake!! What if it was her?" Christophe reached over and snatched the photo from the desk. 'What if it was blondie here that was shot? What if someone put a bullet in her?"

And that was when it all went to hell in a handbasket. PJ lunged across the desk, his only coherent thought directed at getting the photo back. Christophe lurched back in fright as PJ advanced on him, dropping the picture in his haste to get out of the way. Tom had stepped forward, pulling Milly out of harm's way, and stayed silent as PJ recovered the photograph, his blue eyes blazing with emotion. Standing nose to nose with Christophe, his voice was low and ominous.

"You never - EVER - touch that picture again. You never touch it, you never think about touching it, and you never mention her again. You keep your filthy maggot like fingers away from her, and -", he brushed past Tom and was gone, the front door of the station slamming shut behind him.

Silence reigned in PJ's office, and then a voice called out from the main area of the station.

"Tom? Tom, what's going on?" Zoe Schultz poked her head around the door. "Tom, Nick's gone after PJ, he looked like he could do with a friend. What the hell happened here?" she asked, her confused expression taking in the angry young man in front of her, the shaking young woman and a worried Tom Croydon.

Kay De Vandoorn chose that moment to arrive at the station, along with her younger son Luka. Luka was nineteen, but had a mental age of eight, and was as innocent and friendly as his intellect allowed him. Sitting him down in the waiting area, Kay opened her bag, and gave him his colouring book and his crayons, and Luka was in seventh heaven.

"Seargant Croydon?" she asked, "Hello?"

Tom led Milly out of the office, the rest of them following his lead. Zoe glanced at a shaking Milly, and led her to one of the chairs in the outer office, making the obligatory calming cup of tea. Tom nodded his thanks, and ushered Mrs De Vandoornand her still furious son into his office closing the door behind them. Moments later he opened it to let an agitated Luka in, quietening down once he could see his mother once again.

"What the hell was that all about?" Christophe demanded. "That man's a menace. He's not safe to be around, and I want to report him. I'll have his badge for this."

"That man – " Tom roared, catching himself as he saw fear race across Luka's face, "That man is in mourning. That man – the photo you took? That photo is of his fiance. It's Maggie, it's - " Tom stopped, forcing himself to calm down, forcing himself to gain some sort of composure as his heart broke once more at the memories. "Maggie was shot dead two years ago today. She died in his arms, she bled to death in his arms, so you can see why you picking it up and asking him how he might feel about her being shot might just hit a nerve. You can see that, can't you?"

Christophe was silent for a few moments, then he looked around. "Well then, you must have someone else who can deal with this? Someone a little less volatile? Someone took a shot at Milly and I want it sorted out, depressed Detective or no depressed Detective"

Tom Croydon was quite sure that he would be found justifiably restrained if he only took one swing at the pompous little man sitting in front of him. Just one punch, right there, on his revolting little mouth. The sound of the main door opening once again broke his train of thought, however, and through the window of his office, Tom felt relief when he saw Jones and Raynor arrive back at the station after completing their patrol.

"You two!" he yelled, having moved over to his office door. "Jones, you and Raynor talk to Mr De Vandoorn here and see what you can find out." Christophe stalked past Tom, and with a disdainful sneer towards Susie Raynor, he followed Jones into the interview room.

Closing the door behind him, Tom closed his eyes, leaning back for a few moments so as to regain his calm. A quiet voice broke his reverie.

"I'm sorry Tom. I'm sorry about his behaviour, he always was loud, takes after his father in that way. Will you – will you apologise to the Detective as well for me? Christophe shouldn't have said those things, he shouldn't have touched that picture, but he was scared. He was scared for Milly."


	6. Chapter 6

Nick had to work hard to keep up with PJ's car, plumes of dust streaming behind the out of control detective as he drove to the one place he could always find her, the one place he had left where he could let himself go and emotionally collapse with the sheer pressure of missing the other half of his heart.

The rocky outcrop glowed in the warm evening sun as they arrived, the view ingrained on his heart. They'd left her here, scattered the ashes, and this was the one place that PJ still felt connected. Maybe she was still here, maybe she wasn't, but it was the last place that they had been together. The last place he had told her he loved her – and the last place she had loved him. It tied them together, and it was the only place he could go when he was losing his mind.

PJ was out of the car almost before it screeched to a halt, his gun in his hand, his world once again screeching to a halt. It was too much really. Living was too hard, and he just wanted to be with her. Just wanted to be with Maggie again. In their own little world, their own version of perfection. He wanted to see her smile, to hold her, to make love to her. He wanted to catch her eye, to see her face light up with happiness. He wanted to tease her, to push her, provoke her into an argument, to see the fire in her eyes and to then work their way through it and make up with her. He wanted her. He just – he wanted her.

And he would never have her. Not now. Not ever.

He pressed his hands to his temple as the memories returned once again. The memories that were never really that far from his conscious mind. The darkness that visited him every single night, and every single morning as he awoke the next day without her beside him. Darkness, shadows invading, scalding his heart once again. Her breath ragged as she lay in his arms, the crimson shadow on her chest widening as his heart broke. Her breath frantic as she stared up at him, his tears falling on her face as he tried to speak. His voice dry and pleading as he begged her to hold on, the connection that they found as she died, the love that they held between them surrounding her, keeping her safe as she left.

"PJ?" Nick whispered behind him, gruffly swiping at his tears as he once again saw his friend break in front of him. "Mate?"

PJ's arms fell to his side, his finger still tight on the trigger of his gun. "I can't do this Nick."

"PJ, I – "

"I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this anymore. I miss her Nick" PJ turned, looking over his shoulder at Nick. "I love her and I miss her so much. I need her Nick, and I just – I want to be with her"

"But would she want you with her?" Nick said, flinching at the anger that flashed in PJ's eyes.

"You bastard. She loved me Nick, you know she loved me. We were getting married!! MARRIED! We – she – " PJ turned back to face the evening sun. "We were trying to get pregnant, Nick. We were going to have a baby. She – Nick, that morning, she – she'd been sick that morning, and she, her – I'd got the test, Nick, and - Nick, I just need to be with her. It's all too much, and I don't want to be without her anymore." He stared down at the gun in his hand, moving over to sit on the top of the sloping cliff, not really reacting as Nick came to sit beside him.

Nick breathed in slowly, taking the time to compose the frantic cacophony of words that were screaming through his mind. PJ was way past breaking point, and very close to never coming back. Nick knew the connection that PJ and Maggie had built had been close, hell, it was almost as if it had been an inevitable magnetism. A meeting of hearts, of minds and of souls, of two lives that were meant to become one. They knew it, the Boss knew it and every single member in the station had seen it.

Sure they had tried to deny it, to hide it, but it had been inevitable. The second he saw her, at the beginning of each day, he had simultaneously relaxed and become fired up. Relaxed because he had connected with her again after a night alone, and fired up once more ready to face the day ahead with her by his side. And Maggie had been the same. Her eyes lit up when she saw him, her smile letting everyone know she was ready to face the day because he was there. When they realised, when they finally figured out that their lives were destined to be entwined, that their hearts and souls belonged together, that was the day the rest of the world began living as it was meant to. It was as if the truth had awoken, and they could get on with their lives as they were meant to be.

And then she was gone. Taken. Stolen from them by a web of treachery that had eventually been untangled and laid to rest. The web deciphered and destroyed, but there was still one victim, one soul still flailing against the darkness, and at this moment it seemed that the darkness was winning.


	7. Chapter 7

"She wouldn't want this, PJ." Nick finally said. "She wouldn't want you to do this. She would want you alive, mate. Living. Moving – going on for her."

"I can't go on. Nick, I - " PJ stopped, leaning back against the rocks, one hand against the warm stone, the other leaning on the gun, his grip loosened slightly. Closing his eyes against the dying evening sun, he sighed. "I dream about her. I dream about our wedding. I dream about her being pregnant. I dream – " Nick looked over at him as PJ's voice shuddered to a halt, having to listen very carefully to hear his final words. "Last night I dreamt she had our son. She gave birth to our son, and I – I cut the cord, and I kissed her, and she kissed me back, and our baby, he smiled, he looked up at us, and he smiled – and I had never, ever loved her more than I did at that moment. And then….." PJ's voice broke as he pulled himself to his feet, pacing back and forth. "Then I wake up, I wake up today, and it's like it's happening all over again. She's dead, and I can't - I can't cope with that. I, Nick, I tried. I really did. I get up each morning, I get dressed, I go to work, I catch the bad guys and then I go home. I go home to my empty house, and get into my empty bed and I drink myself to sleep, and then I dream about her. And then this morning – today Nick, TODAY – I go to work because I can't be home, and – and that man, he – he touched her photograph Nick. He picked up the picture and he held it with his dirty hands, and he – do you know what he said? Do you have any idea what he said Nick?"

Nick stayed silent, knowing that PJ had to get it out, that PJ needed to talk, because the pain was doing so much damage and the words needed to be said.

"That man asked me what I would do if 'Blondie' was shot. If the woman in my picture was shot, like his girlfriend was shot at. He accused me of not caring. Of it not mattering. Of – he touched the picture, Nick. He – Maggie – no-one touches the picture, Nick. Mags, she was the last one, apart from me. She held the picture and she teased me, she asked me why I needed the picture when I had the real thing. She shut the office door, and she kissed me, and held me, and we…we," PJ's voice broke on a sob, "We made love Nick, right there, in my office, and after, afterwards she picked up the picture, and she grinned, and she said I'd have something to remember now, and then that night – she – they shot her. That man, he touched the picture – and he was right Nick. I didn't care enough. If I had cared enough she wouldn't have been dead. She wouldn't have gone to that railway, she wouldn't, I wouldn't have let her go – but I didn't, I didn't care enough – "

Nick moved before PJ knew quite what he was doing, and PJ stood looking towards his friend as Nick put the safety catch back on the gun, moving over and locking it in his car.

"Shut up."

PJ just stared, his mind hovering between rage and complete emotional exhaustion.

"Shut up PJ. Maggie loved you. You know that. And you loved her. You loved her so much, and we all knew that. You two were like the other half of each other. Of course you cared enough. Hell, you cared more than enough. But it was something she had to do, and you have to know that nothing stopped Doyle doing what she had to do. She would have gone out there that night whatever you did or said. And as for now, PJ, if she could see you know she would be spitting chips." Nick glared at PJ, finally saying it. Finally saying what PJ needed to hear.

"She would be furious. She loved you Patrick. That woman adored you, and the thought of you giving up, of you taking that gun and putting a bullet in your brain? You think she'd want you if you did that? You think she's up there, or wherever she is, watching you, waiting for you to kill yourself so you can be with her? You're stupider than I thought if you think she'd go for that. You're an idiot if you think she would want that. She loved you PJ, and she would want you to go out there and get the bastards that started this, and to then get the next lot, and the next lot – PJ, Maggie was a fighter. She wanted to take on the world and put it to rights, and she would want you to continue that, to do it for her. PJ, she – don't. Don't give it up, don't let her down, mate. You have to do it for her, to live your life for her. You know that's what she would have wanted."

"Nick, you don't know - " PJ managed, Nick's words slicing his heart wide open as they sank in.

"If you're going to say that I can't possibly understand, then I am going to beat the crap out of you. I can't understand? **_I can't understand_**? PJ, you know I know. You know I went through hell when Jennifer died. When my daughter died. I know, mate, believe me, I know. I know how it hurts so much you don't understand, you don't know where to turn, you don't even know how to breathe – and you don't want to. But PJ, you have to. You have to honour them by going on. You have to believe in them, to live for them in their place. To move forward, and to do what they would have done given the chance. You have to live for them, because they had that chance taken away, and you have to do it for them. And you can. You do it because to not do it would be wrong. It would dishonour their memories. You have to keep going because Maggie can't. You have to do it for her, so don't you dare give up on her! Do you hear me, you bastard? Don't you dare give up on her, because she sure as hell wouldn't give up on you!" Nick yelled, pulling him into a hug and holding him as PJ wept. "Don't give up on her" he whispered.

And PJ broke.

His misery, repressed and enslaved, crystallised into scythe like shards and broke free, released into the night air as PJ wept. His sobs broke the gentle evening, howling into the air and making Nick's heart ache with sadness for his friend. Holding PJ close, he waited out the storm, letting PJ work through it, and eventually PJ pulled back, rubbing a tired hand over his eyes, not quite able to catch Nick's eye. Wrapping his arms around himself, he turned and looked out into the starry night sky.

"Thank-you."

"'S ok" Nick murmured. "It's ok."

The sound of a car approaching behind them made Nick look around and he smiled to himself as he saw Zoe arrive. Tom must have told him where they would be headed. Tom Croydon was a good man, and he knew the people in his team, in his family. He had known PJ would head to the outcrop, and he had known that Nick would have caught up with him by now. Leaving PJ to his memories, Nick moved over to his wife as she shut the engine off and got out.

"I love you, Zoe Schultz," he said, wrapping her in a hug. "You have no idea how much I love you"

Zoe held him to her, letting him relax, letting him breathe – letting him know that she loved him just as much. Turning her head slightly, she placed a kiss on his forehead as he rested his head on her shoulder.

"Everything ok?" she asked softly, referring both to the man in her arms, and them man standing against the nightline, his lonely figure breaking her heart.

"He'll be ok. He misses her so much, but he'll be ok." Nick smiled tiredly, kissing Zoe as she moved out of his arms, glancing over to PJ before moving over and standing close beside him.

"Hey."

"Hey." He whispered back, still staring out into the shadows. After a moment he raised an arm, and she moved in, wrapping her arm around him as he had her. They stood silently for a while, before Zoe gently turned him, and led PJ back to her car, driving him back to his house, with Nick following behind. Someone could collect PJ's car tomorrow, that didn't matter now. All that mattered to Zoe was getting the two men she loved back to safety. Nick had looked exhausted but relieved when she had held him, and as for PJ, he – she didn't know how he looked. All Zoe knew was that PJ needed his friends right now, and that they were going to be there for him.


	8. Chapter 8

(_Bear with me, this is where is starts to get interesting….C.)_

Life had to be more……..fulfilling than this. More productive. It couldn't just carry on like this, relentless, ever so slightly repetitive, day in, day out. Surely it could be better – had been better. But that was the thing, wasn't it. That tiny, niggling thought, the one that surfaced every now and then and screamed loudly – but was always just out of reach. Something – something was different – had been different, and try as she did, clarity, revelation, remained elusively out of her grasp.

Shaking her head in a vain effort to rid it of the thoughts that always drew her in, drew her down, she turned as the shrill jangle of a bell announced another potential client. The woman flounced in, sat down at the desk and cast a swathe of important looking shopping bags on the floor. Crossing one leg over the other, she let her expensive skirt swish until it settled, her diamond jewelry glinting in the sunlight. It was only when she was sure that she had made an impression, that she began to talk.

"What are you going to do about it?'

Mel made a real effort not to let this woman know exactly what she was thinking she would do about whatever 'it' was. Reaching deep, she dragged what she hoped was a polite smile across her face.

"Good morning ma'am. I'm Mel Draper, how can I help you this morning?" she asked, automatically reaching over for her pen and pad and noting down the date and time.

The woman glared at Mel, before continuing. "That ….man. My so-called neighbour. The man who lives next door to me. You'd think he'd look around and keep things up to par, but no. No, he has to let us all down. Well, I've had enough. I want something done about it, and I want it done now. So, how are you going to sort it out?"

"Sort it out? I'm sorry, but sort what out?" Mel asked, feeling rather proud of herself. This woman really was a pompous waste of space, and she could be busy doing much more productive things, like following up on the report last week of….

"That man isn't brushing the leaves away properly!! His garden looks a mess, the leaves are still scattered on the driveway, and anyone can see it, it's a mess!!"

One, two, three, four, five….. une, deux, trios, quatre, cinq, ……ee, ar, sun, sir, woo. English, French and wonky Chinese. What other languages cold Mel count in? When she was sure that she had retained both her sanity and her manners, Mel took a deep breath.

"You want me to - ma'am, you do know this is a Legal Aid Office? Where we help people with problems regarding the law, or the interpretation of it? You do know that?"


	9. Chapter 9

"Of course I do!! The garden is a mess, and that has to be against some sort of law, doesn't it?"

"Ah, Mrs Thorncroft, how's the garden?" came a voice from behind Mel, and she had never been more grateful for the interruption. Dan smiled over at Mel, before turning back to the now aptly named Mrs Thorncroft. "Would you like a cup of Earl Grey, Mrs Thorncroft? How about you come over to my desk, and I'll sort it all out for you. Mel, I'm sorry, but that call you've been waiting for has come through from Melbourne on line three" Dan said, as Veronica Thorncroft rose, offered Mel a dismissive smile and ensconced herself in front of Dan's desk. 'I won't be a minute" he said with a charming smile, his large hands whirring over the keyboard at great speeds, before sitting up and smiling with 100 charm at the woman before him.

Mel grinned as she watched Mrs Thorncroft begin to melt under the power of that smile, knowing the devastating effect it could have if it was truly unleashed. Dan Walters had gone through life being the owner of that smile, and it could have gotten him into all sorts of escapades had he not managed to understand and use it for good at a young age. Mel's own smile widened as she thought about it. Dan Walters, force of good, weapon of choice? His very own, patented 1000 megawatt smile. Guaranteed to melt hearts, contain problems and resolve difficulties at a hundred paces. Scene solver in one easy go. And not only that, but he was a nice guy too. One in a million, really.

A beep from her computer broke her train of thought and Mel glanced down to see she had an incoming message. "You owe me," it read, "And for goodness sake, pick up your phone, you're supposed to be taking a very important call from Melbourne!!! D "

Jamming her phone to her ear, Mel had to turn away to hide her laughter, before sending Dan a quick message of thanks, and an offer for a slice of cheesecake, Dan's one weakness. Muttering supposed responses into the phone, Mel kept up the pretence for a few minutes longer before hanging up and turning back to the pile of folders in front of her. She became so engrossed in them, that it took a hand waved in front of her eyes to alert her to the fact that a highly amused Dan was standing in front of her, their coats in his arms.

"Welcome back" he smirked as she stood up and let him help her on with her coat. "You were really into it then, Draper, you were miles away"

"Had to be, you might have unleashed Mrs Thorn-in-the-side on me again!" Mel teased right back. "I owe you for that one, what on earth is going on with her?"

"She comes in every year, well, for the past four years anyway. Something about her garden, and her neighbour's garden. I look all concerned, tilt my head to the side, offer up the Smile and she forgets all about it. Might be time for the obligatory phone call to Tom Carshaw, her neighbour to get him to turn up the leaf blower a notch, and that's all there is to it. The Smile works it's magic and all is right with the world. What???" he grinned, ducking out of reach as Mel tried to swat him. "Can I help it if women all around the world fall at my feet?"

"That Smile of yours is going to land you in trouble one of these days" Mel laughed, as she held the door open to the café. "Lemon ok for you?"

Dan nodded, going over to the fridge and taking out two bottles of water. "Here," he said, handing her a ten dollar note, "Get the boys a slice. I know how much they love lemon cheesecake. Got good taste, those boys of yours, take after their honorary Uncle" he said, gesturing at himself.

"I blame you for their sweet tooth" Mel retorted, accepting the bag and change from the girl behind the counter. "Tom adores cheesecake, and Joe loves it almost as much." She grinned as they began the walk back to Mel's house.

Dan grinned. "Like I said, they've got good taste. Now, if only I could get my head around them loving that spicy food so much. That bit definitely comes from their Dad, I reckon"

Mel's face fell for a second, and Dan groaned to himself, before coming over to wrap an arm around her shoulders. "Sorry mate, I should have remembered."

"It's ok, Dan. You can talk about him. I should be talking about him. I just – it – it feels weird, you know? He's been dead for two years now but – but I still….. " Mel sighed, memories struggling to the surface and failing.

"There's so much I can't remember. So much that should be there, but isn't. It just - I get so angry at myself. I should be able to remember him, I miss him so much, but I don't – I don't know what it is that I miss. The accident, it took it all away from me. Everything – gone, just like that. All I've got left is the boys and these intermittent memories that pop up at the most odd times." She shook her head, frustration and anger evident in the sharp movement.

"Photographs, other people's memories, they're all well and good, but _I_ need to remember. Me. I need to remember what sort of man my husband was, to remember my past." Mel sighed, reigning her emotions in, relaxing the tight hold she had on the cheesecake bag. 'Sorry" she smiled at him, forcing the smile on her face. "It's the anniversary of the accident today. Two years ago Rick was killed and I lost my memory. Two years ago a drunk driver stole my life and left me like this" she bit her lip, and Dan wrapped an arm around her, his hug supportive and calming.

"Sorry" Mel said, her voice muffled from both emotion and the hug. "I'm sorry."

"Me too. I didn't mean to bring it up."

"It's ok. I need to talk about it. I can't keep it all bottled up inside, and you're my best friend, so if I can't talk to you, who can I talk to? " Mel fished around in her bag, finally discovering her house keys and letting them in. She put the boys' cheesecake in the fridge, and they settled down at the table with coffee, cheesecake and forks. There was silence as they ate, then Mel suddenly stood up and went into the lounge, coming back a few moments later with a photo album, a wistful smile gracing her face. She flicked through the pages for a while, before glancing up at Dan again.

"Dan, it's so confusing. I miss him. I miss my husband,, but like I said, I miss the fact that I was married, I miss my boys father – but I can't miss Rick, because I can't remember him." She stared down at the pictures in her hand, "You have no idea how frustrating it is. I know I loved him. I don't know how I know, I just - I feel it. I know I've been in love, so in love that I never want to even think about anyone else – but I can't remember any of the details. I can remember the feeling, but not the facts. I can't remember him! I look at this photo, and I don't feel a thing" The photo stared up at her, an image of Mel in a wedding dress, a soft smile playing around the edges of her mouth, Rick standing behind her with his arms around her.

"Or this one, me and Rick at our engagement party, apparently. At least, that's what they told me it was." She continued, flicking through the album. "This is my whole life with Rick, and I don't recognize a single thing – except me. I recognize me, but - and they told me that this is my family, and I have no reason to doubt them, but – Dan I don't recognize a single person."

Mel glanced up, fighting the desperation that was surfacing, fighting the panic, the despair. She missed him – the 'him' of her memories. The hazy 'him' who surfaced in her dreams, who lingered at the very edge of her memory – the 'him' who it seemed would never step out and allow himself to be seen. Dan reached over and took her hand in his, the gentle movement calming her, and she managed a watery smile, gathering herself and taking a deep breath. "I tried to move on, you know, I tried to go out with other guys, hell, when I first met you, I tried to convince myself to go out with you, but it didn't work. I can't remember him, but I can't move on from him. Stupid, isn't it?"

Mel shook her head, as if to shake the memories free, before closing the book and placing an open hand over the top of it, gently tracing the edges, the moment shattered by an excited duo of squeals as the front door opened and two barrels of untamed energy raced in.

"Mummy!! Mummy!!" Joe yelped, pulling his way up into Mel's lap, brandishing a piece of paper at her. "Mummy look!! Picture Mummy!!"

Tom stood to the side of his twin, thrusting his own piece of paper under her nose. "Me too, Mummy, me too picture!!"

Wriggling Joe over onto one knee, Mel lifted Tom up as well, drawing both boys into a hug. Squirming out of the embrace, both Tom and Joe once again thrust their pictures at her. "Mummy look."

Seeing that her hands were full, Dan reached over and took the pictures, placing them both on the table in front of Mel. "Thanks mate" she laughed. "Boys, say thank-you to Uncle Dan"

"Thank-you Uncle Dan," two pairs of bright blue eyes sparkled at him, before they once again grinned at their Mum.

"Ok," Mel gave a mock sigh. "Tell me about the pictures" she said, trying to make head or tail of the squiggles that lay on the paper in front of her.

"That's me, that's Joe, 'at's you Mummy, and that's Daddy" Joe said. "Look like Daddy? Does it? Does it??"

"Me too, Mummy, That's Daddy too," Tom drew his picture closer. "My daddy, my picture Daddy? Is it Daddy? Is it??"


	10. Chapter 10

Tom Croydon sat at his desk rubbing supposedly calming circles around and around his temples. Maggie had taught him that secret, and most of the time it worked. Most of the time he could concentrate on the movement, focus on it and then whatever it was that was causing the stress would take a back seat until Tom was ready to cope with it.

Most of the time.

Most of the time it worked, but not this time.

Not when she was the cause of it all. Not today, the anniversary of her death, not today. Tom sighed. PJ had seemed to be coping, he'd seemed to be getting on with his life – or at least that was the impression that the bosses had been given. The Mt Thomas coppers had closed rank, and as far as 'he powers that be' knew, PJ was fine. Tom knew different. Tom knew damn well that PJ was only just hanging on. He had loved her so much, his beloved Maggie. So very, very much, and the way she had been taken from him had been heartbreaking. A break-up he could have coped with. A split, a fight, cheating – anything but the savage untimely death that had been savagely forced on them by her own brother of all people. PJ had lost his soul when Maggie had breathed her last breath. They PJ they knew and loved had gone, replaced by a hardened, bitter man, a man who fought the world rather than embracing it. A man who despaired of life rather than welcomed each day.

They'd been doing their best to look out for him, and he'd been letting them – which in itself spoke volumes. The PJ of old would have fought, argued, hell he'd have yelled from the rooftops that t was all so wrong – but this PJ? This one had given up. This one had lost the spark, the ….the life that he'd cherished when Maggie had been alive.

The disaster of a morning that had just happened had scared Tom. The look in PJ's eye had scared him – really scared him. PJ was a man who lived through his emotions, and his world had been shattered. He'd lost his reason for a future, and now it seemed like he was only waiting until he found a bullet with his name on it. Tom had been all ready to go after PJ, to try and help him make some sense of the disaster that was his life, but Nick had stepped in, and for that Tom was pleased. Nick and PJ, despite their differences, had become good friends. They had both fought for and won the love of a good woman, and they had both loved and lost. If anyone could talk to PJ, could bring him around (apart from himself, Tom thought), it would be Nick. It would be the man who had also lost his wife, who had also lost the love of his life – and who had then recovered to forge a new life, and a happy one at that. Nick was the blueprint for the future that PJ might be able to have.

Might be.


	11. Chapter 11

Tom sighed, squaring his shoulders and rubbing a hand over the tired muscles at the back of his neck. Turning, he started slightly, having forgotten Kay De Vandoorn and her son were even there. Luka was happily colouring in an elaborate picture with crayons that Kay must have kept in her bag, ready for such occasions. Kay herself was watching Tom with sad eyes, knowing the look of a man in torment.

"Sergeant?" she hesitated, but ploughed on. "Can I help?"

"I – Mrs De – "

"Kay."

"Kay" Tom managed a small smile. "Kay, no, it's fine. I can understand your son being afraid for his girlfriend. I can understand him being angry because she was shot at. I just – he, well, he - "

"He chose the wrong day – and the wrong way to go about it. I can see that. Your detective – PJ? He must have really loved this Maggie, you look like you all cared about her" Kay said softly as Tom sat down.

"We did," Tom said equally softly. " Maggie was – she was a good soul. She was – it was like she was the glue that held this station together. Nick – the big lug that went after PJ, he and Maggie traded insults like no-one's business, but he would have backed her up in an instant. Dash, well Dash teased Maggie about PJ daily, she was convinced that there was something going on there – and she was right, she'd have loved that! – but she was – we were like a family" Tom said, easing his desk drawer open and gently taking out a picture, handing it across the desk to Kay.

Taking it with the respect Tom so evidently held for it, Kay looked down at the picture. Bright happy faces shone out at her, each one telling a story. The tall one, Nick, his eyes held an impish delight and as she traced the path of his arm, Kay found out why. Very, very carefully, Nick's two fingers peeked over the top of his Sergeant's head, making small rabbit ears. Dash was looking cross-eyed, another dark haired policeman was obviously doing his best not to collapse with the giggles, and then there was PJ, who was facing entirely the wrong way, his blue eyes flashing merrily as he mock-leered at Maggie, and Maggie was giggling right back at him.

"That one didn't make it to the public, oddly enough" Tom smiled, and Kay continued to look, seeing what was blindingly obvious – the love that arced between PJ and Mag –

Maggie??

"Mama?" Luka's deep voice broke into her thoughts. "Mama? Picture of Mel? Why has the policeman got a picture of Mel?"


	12. Chapter 13

Mel sat back later that night, her feet tucked in amongst the cushions piled high on the couch. On the coffee table in front of her sat a spritzer, something that she'd made herself come to appreciate once the boys had been born. No more chilling out with a glass of wine after work, not now, not with two tearaways sound asleep in the room down the hall. No, that sort of relaxation was long gone, Mel thought as she took a sip, the bubbles of the soda water prickling her nose, her tastebuds searching for the hint of wine that had hidden itself in the glass.

Closing her eyes, she tried to find a memory, something – anything – and failed again. Frustrated, she lay her head back against the couch, forcing herself to take a deep breath and to try to calm down. Failure was nothing new, not when it came to this. Failure was something she experienced regularly. The memories just weren't there. She SHOULD remember, after all, it was meant to have been the happiest day of her life – but nothing. No wedding memories, no honeymoon, no – no memory of the night Joe and Tom were conceived. Nothing. No memory of Rick, of meeting him, of falling in love, of – there was nothing there. Sighing, Mel forced herself to sit up. She couldn't wallow, not tonight. Not …..not tonight.

Running her fingers over the album, Mel sighed. Today, the anniversary was today. He'd died today – and she had almost died with him. Mel was never quite sure what made her pull through when Rick had died, and she was resigned to the fact that she would never really know. They'd told her he'd been killed instantly, and that she had had 'life threatening injuries', to use their terminology, but that she had pulled through. Absent-mindedly, Mel rubbed at her chest, the ache more present today, just below her heart where the metal scaffolding from the truck they'd hit had impaled her. A smallish scar now, after the plastic surgery, but a scar nonetheless. A reminder, a permanent reminder.

She'd had amnesia when she'd awoken nine days later. Classic tv-trash plot stuff, but it was true, she really couldn't remember. Didn't know who she was, where she was or what the hell was going on. She hadn't remembered one single thing she could make use of, in the end they'd had to tell her stuff, like her name – and the fact that her husband had been killed. They'd also had to tell her she was pregnant, and damn lucky that the babies were still alive. Still tracing the front cover of the photo-album with a hesitant finger, Mel finally forced herself to open it. She stared down at photo's she did not remember posing for, at images of the day she was married, the smile on Rick's face mirrored only by the smile on hers, the love in her eyes evident. Frustration surged through her as the memories took her nowhere. She just did not remember it. She couldn't remember his smile, his brown eyes, the way his dark blonde hair curled, his solid body – couldn't remember any of it. The boys – neither of them looked like him, both of them having cobalt blue eyes, eyes that sparkled with mischief and happiness. They both had a mop of dark hair, lithe little bodies and loved to laugh. Had Rick loved to laugh? Had he been able to make her laugh just by raising an eyebrow, like Tom could, or by tickling her like Joe did? Had they got that from their dad? How the hell was she supposed to know when she couldn't remember?

Getting up, Mel crept over to the boy's room, cracking open the door silently, praying they'd stay asleep. Neither boy was a deep sleeper, something Mel had found out to her cost, and she had long learned to creep around the house after seven at night. Joe snored softly, and Mel's heart clenched as a fleeting memory tried to make it's way to the surface. She was warm, safe and wrapped in his arms as she drifted towards sleep, his snores rumbling gently behind her, her back warm as his breath soothed her, she turned, smiling, wanting to see his face – and the memory dissolved. Clamping her eyes shut in a failed effort to stave off the tears, Mel turned to watch Tom. His tiny snores resonated as well, legs tucked up under him, his small plump hand gently stroking Rumble, the somewhat threadbare teddy that Tom shared his bed with. Again, Mel was plummeted into a memory, the same bed as before, the same person sleeping behind her, snoring gently, his legs intertwined with hers, his arms holding her tight to him. Again, in her mind, Mel tried to turn, tried to see him, to see Rick – but – but it - but it was gone.

Mel closed the door to her son's room before the tears of frustration really began to fall. The memory was so clear, so – so filled with love – and so missing anything that she could use. Anything that she could pin down to bring her memory back. The confusion, the frustration she felt when she had one of these flashbacks, it was all there. All of it, along with the fear. The fear that gnawed away at her each and every time.

The fear that the man behind her, the man holding her, and whom she knew without a doubt that she loved with all of her heart – that that man was not her husband.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Tome Croydon stared at Kay. Stared at her until she began to feel uncomfortable, and glanced down at the photo again, but she had been right the first time, and she was right now. This Maggie, she wasn't Maggie, or if it was, then Kay had some excellent news for her next door neighbour. Mel had a sister, because this Maggie was Mel's spitting image.

Kay De Vanhoorn had been a popular member of the community, although an invisible one. Christope and her husband had deemed her place to be at the farm, along with Luka, who - according to them – had spoiled the image of the family. A defective boy, one with a mental age of a young child, he should remain unseen and should not sully their reputation of a powerful family in the area.

Kay had been appalled at the perspectives of her husband and son, and had all but walked out – but the reality was, where would she go? How would she survive – and how would Luka survive? Truth was, neither of them would, as Kay had no real education, having left school at fifteen and according to her husband and son, was definitely not mentally or physically equipped to make it out in 'the real world' as they put it. Their reasoning was that Kay only just made it as a wife and mother – the real world would swamp her and she was better off where she was. And as for Luka, well, he relied on Kay so much, he simply could not survive without her.

So Kay had stayed, had been the perfect wife by remaining in the background and looking after her family. He one joy, her one passion after her son, was baking, and it was this that allowed her a small sense of freedom. Marnie Deetweller had collected the fruits of her labour once a week as she delivered the groceries, and had fed Kay's soul with reports of how well her cakes sold. Vanhoorn Vanilla Slices had become a popular delight in Mt Thomas, Kay was told, and as small a victory as it was, she enjoyed the feeling of independence that fact gave her. Of course, it would have been more rewarding had she been able to ever get into town to be acknowledge for her baking skills, but no, her husband decreed this to be a waste of time, and therefore not going to happen. Kay had to make do with the reports that Marnie brought with her delivery.

When Charles De Vanhoorn had finally died, Christophe had stepped up, and to his mother's dismay, had only reinforced his father's beliefs. Luka was to remain hidden on the farm, the less said or done about him the better. Kay, however, would be allowed into town every now and then, as long as she remained invisible and didn't bring shame to the family. Under no circumstances was the farm to be sold, Christophe dismissed his mother's idea out of hand. Everything would stay the same. Kay and Luka would stay on the farm, and Christophe and his new girlfriend the vacuous Milly, would live it up in the city. Several weeks after the funeral, however, things had changed. Kay was never quite sure how Christophe worked it out, but apparently the farm would make more money tax wise if it was uninhabited, and therefore Kay and Luka were set up in a new house in NSW, Kay applied and got a job as a childminder, and Luka was enrolled at a school where he flourished. There was little contact between the two sides of the family, and neither party was too upset about that. Kay, therefore, had been surprised to receive an invitation from Christophe, requiring her presence at the party to celebrate his engagement to Milly, and had only come when Christophe had grudgingly agreed that Luka could come too.

It had been at this party that Milly had been shot at, and it was that that had led to all hell breaking loose at the station. The detective, PJ, had looked so broken, so furious, and yet so broken as he took off after yet another crass example of Christophe's inability to think of anyone but himself. Kay could understand it, this PJ had loved his fiancée, loved her apparently with a love that wasn't seen often – and she had mirrored it. This Maggie – Mel?? – had loved PJ just as much, according to Tom Croydon, and Christophe had rated it insignificant, like everything else that wasn't directly to do with Christophe.

Kay sighed, looking up to find Tom's eyes watching her every move.

"Kay? What – what does he mean? Who's Mel?"


	13. Chapter 14

"Melly's my friend" Luka announced, his deep voice at odds with the crayoned picture that he held up for Tom to see. The childish drawing showed Luka, Kay, and a woman with two little boys. "That's Mel, that's me, that's Mum and that's the 'boys', I think that's Joe and that's Tom, but I forgot" he continued, his smile bright a Luka explained his picture. Kay smiled at her son as she reached over for another piece of paper, her smile widening at the simple pleasure her son took from drawing.

"Kay?" Tom's voice interrupted her thought's. "Kay, I – what does he mean? Why does he think that Maggie is Mel?"

Kay took a minute before replying. The idea that was forming in her mind was akin to something out of a soap opera. It couldn't be true, it had to be a co-incidence.

"Mama, let me see the picture again" Luka said, gently taking the photo from the desk where Kay had put it, " I want to see what colour Melly's hair is."

"Tom, I – Mel is our neighbour. She lives next door to us, with her two sons, and she's very good with Luka. He adores her, and she lets him help put with the boys sometimes."

"So why does Luka think Maggie is Mel?" Tom asked again. "Maggie is – she's gone. She's dead. He can't – "

Luka looked up," Melly!' he said crossly, "That's Melly, it IS"

"Luka sweetheart, don't you worry. I'm sure the Sergeant agrees, we just need to talk. You keep drawing, maybe you could draw the boys playing footy?' Kay soothed.

"Mama, they can't play footy, they're too little!" Luka grinned, turning back to his picture.

"Tom, I – Mel, well, she looks a lot like your Maggie, but – well, if Maggie is dead, then is can't be her" Kay said softly, looking at the photo again. "Mel, she moved in next door about two years ago. She'd been in a horrific car accident, and her husband had been killed. She - " Kay looked up to see Tom watching her very carefully. His emotions were all too evident on his face. Maggie had meant a lot to him and this must have been hurting him so much.

"Carry on"

Kay swallowed, but did as she was asked. "Mel – she – apparently there was a horrific car crash about two years ago, and Rick was killed. Mel was in a coma for nine days, and when she came round, she had amnesia. She couldn't remember a thing. The doctor's eventually had to give her the basics, like her name and Rick's name, and to tell her a bit about her background, but they kept it to a minimum. I think they were hoping that she would remember, but it hasn't worked so far. She was so badly hurt, it's taken her a long time to get back to health, and it didn't help that she was pregnant when the crash occurred. The boys are healthy, though, Joe is the giggler, and Tom is slightly quieter, but still very mischievous. They're – let me think – they're fifteen months old now, little chatterboxes, and they love to draw – well, what they call drawing anyway. Luka adores them, he's teaching them to draw." She smiled. "Luka – they're so good for him, he feels important around them, Mel lets him help out with them, and it's just – it's so good for all of us."

Tom sat back in his seat, Kay's words confusing him. Maggie – Mel – Maggie was dead. She was DEAD. This Mel, she must just look like Maggie. That's all it was. But the times, the dates –

"Mel's injuries,' Tom hesitated.

"She – there was a builder's truck in front of her and Rick, and Mel was impaled on a scaffolding pole – she's got this scar on her chest, just below her heart. God knows how she wasn't killed, but she wasn't." Kay said quietly, glancing at Luka, hoping that he wouldn't hear her. He always got nightmares when Mel's injuries were mentioned, and she wanted to spare her son this time.

Tom's mind was going into overdrive. Luka was adamant that the Maggie from their photo was his beloved Melly. The times, they fitted. Maggie had been killed two years ago, and this Mel had been badly injured two years ago. And the injury, on her chest, just below the heart – the bullet, it – the same place…..

It couldn't be.

Maggie was - is – dead.

"Kay, I'm sorry that Milly was upset, and I'm also sorry if Christophe was offended in anyway. I'll get one of the lads to drive you back to the farm – "

"Give me Melly's picture, Mama" Luka said, determined to get his drawing right.

"Mate, it's not Melly" Tom said as gently as he could. "That's Maggie. She's my friend"

"It IS Melly," Luka said, getting to his feet, anger working it's way across his face. "It IS"

"Mate – "

"Luka – "

Tom and Kay both spoke at the same time, but Luka was faster than both of them.

"It IS Melly, see??" and Luka brandished a picture he'd pulled out of his bag, another photograph, and he thrust it under Tom's nose. "Look!! See? That's me, that's Mum, and that's Melly"

Tom froze, Maggie's smiling face staring up at him. Mel's face, he corrected himself, but…..but it looked like Maggie. It looked – the eyes, the sparkle in the eyes, the smile – it looked –

"Tom? Tom, are you all right?" Kay moved round to Tom's side of the desk, catching sight of the picture that Luka was showing Tom. It had been just after the twins first birthday, and both babies had just smooshed their chocolate cake all over Luka's face. Kay and Mel had been laughing, and Dan had snapped the picture just at the right moment.

"It – it can't be," his face was ashen as the idea took hold. "It – Maggie's dead, she – "

"Melly." Luka said defiantly, taking the photo of Maggie and the photo of Mel, and putting them next to each other, in front of Tom. "See? Both Melly"


	14. Chapter 15

Zoe watched from the loungeroom window as PJ and Nick reminisced in the backyard, beer bottles scattered around their feet as they reached that comfortable state where nothing quite seems as bad as it had. She'd been hesitant about offering PJ beer, but Nick had known better, had known that PJ needed to lose that edginess that had taken up residence in his soul, and that - with Nick there to guide him – a BBQ and beer night between the lads may well be just that the doctor ordered. Zoe's eyebrow's had risen at that last comment, and Nick had laughed, kissing her on the cheek as he had gently herded her inside. This night, this reminiscing was just between them, between the man who had loved Maggie with every fibre of his being, and the man who had considered her family, a firey little sister whom he had both promised to protect and been inspired by.

PJ lay back in his lounger, taking a long pull at the bottle of beer he held in his hand, before placing it back on the ground, hearing it clink slightly as it wobbled amongst the three or four that already lay there. He let his eyes close as he listened to Nick talk, as he listened to his friend remind him of some of Maggie's more memorable exploits. Of the way Nick could stir her up until she reached boiling point – and then of the paybacks he copped when she took her revenge. Of the way she made everyone laugh, of the way she could relentlessly get her own back – and of the way no-one was really angry with her for long. Nick spoke of the running bet they had about when – not IF – PJ and Maggie would ever get together, and the delight on Dash's face when she found out she was the winner of a substantial amount of pennies when they did eventually let the rest of the station know they were together – and it was revealed that Dash had chosen not only the right date, but the right part of the day (yes, they really were that bored at the time!!)

He smiled as Nick managed to gently replace the almost suicidal thoughts that had been rampaging through PJ, with his more usual state of mind. Mags had loved life, had lived it to the full every single day – and PJ usually remembered that he at least owed that much to her. Perhaps the living life to the full bit was a bit more challenging, after all, he could only live life to the full if she was by his side – but, well, the remaining alive bit, he could do that. He owed her that much.

"Yes, you do" Nick said, and PJ jumped as he realised he must have said that last little gem aloud. "You owe it to Margaret to keep going, to never forget her, but to keep going. She would have kicked your butt if she thought you were giving up, and you know it" he grinned. "And I, for one, am not going to face her wrath when we do finally meet up. I mean, can you imagine what she'd do to me if she knew I let you sink? I'd never hear the end of it!"

"You're right there mate" PJ said softly, but with a smile. "She'd beat me up – and then we'd – " and Nick stopped him right there as the look on PJ's face gave away exactly what would have happened next.

"There are some things that I do not want to know about, Patrick," Nick said in a stern voice, his grin almost hidden. "And the dirty details are one of them. More than my sensitive little mind could cope with"

PJ grinned right back. "There was this one time, Nick, I'll never forget it. She was kissing me, and her hands were – "

"LA-lalalallaaaaaaaa" Nick said, fingers jammed in his ears, a smile on his face.

PJ grinned right back, watching as Nick reached over and picked up his bottle of beer, offering it towards PJ. Grasping his, PJ gently cracked his bottle against Nick's. "To Mags"

"Doyle" Nick replied clinking his bottle right back. "One in a million."

"One in a million," agreed PJ. He gazed off into the distance for a moment, then, "Sorry Nick."

"I know." Nick was quiet for a moment. "I know how hard it can be – but I also know it gets better. Mate, when Jen – well, just look at me and Zoe. Anything's possible."

PJ was silent too. "I - yeah. I know what you're saying, Nick, but – well, Mags, she – she was it for me. She's the only woman I'll ever love – and the only one I ever WANT to love. I know I can't predict the future, but that's how I feel. And Nick, I – today – thanks mate. I know I'm not the easiest of people to live with, especially today – so, well, just thanks"

"'S nothing mate. It's what I'm here for. Now, drink up, and where's my burger? And go easy on the spices, I remember your cooking, how Doyley put up with it, I'll never know!!" Nick said, standing and moving over to the bar-be-que.

"Don't knock it until you've tried it Nicholas" PJ grinned as he spiced the food even more. "Maggie LOVED my spiciness" PJ's eyebrows waggled as his grin widened.

"Like I said before – Lalalalalalallaaaaaaaaaa. I'm going to need more alcohol if you're going to talk like that!" Nick said, watching with a grin as the real PJ came back to life. The PJ that could cope, the PJ that could move on with life. Wouldn't be easy – and Nick was pretty sure that there would be more days like today, but Nick was equally sure that PJ would survive.


	15. Chapter 16

Zoe opened the door to the station, wondering where everyone was. She knew where Nick and PJ were, and hopefully they would be still conscious when she got back to PJ's later that night (they were staying there for the next few days or so), but as for the rest of the mob, well, it seemed that the station was deserted. Hearing a slight murmur, Zoe revised her last decision. The blinds to Tom's office were closed, but Zoe was fairly sure that was where the voices were coming from.

"Tom?" Zoe knocked gently.

"Come in Zoe, actually, Zoe, you're just the person. I need to – it's – "

"Tom? Are you ok?" Zoe asked, seeing confusion, desperation and a smattering of hope chase each other across Tom's emotionally open face.

"I'm, hang on, how's PJ? I take it you and Nick found him," Tom said, his eyes locking in on Zoe.

"He's fine. He – Tom, he was so upset, but Nick talked to him, and he's ok. He and Nick are having a lad's night at the moment – which is why I'm here. That and the fact that I thought you might like to know what happened"

"He's ok?" Tom pressed.

"He'll be ok. He loved Maggie, and he misses her, but he'll be ok." Zoe said gently, making sure Tom really understood.

Tom sighed, and Zoe's eyes flickered to the woman who sat on the other side of Tom's desk, and the young man who was contentedly colouring in. As her eyebrows raised slightly, Tom looked over at her.

"Sorry Zoe, ah, this is Kay, Kay De Vandoorn and her son Luka. Kay, Luka, this is a friend of mine, Dr. Zoe Schultz. Her husband Nick, he used to be a sergeant here a few years ago, and Zoe was one of our doctors. Kay, ah – " Tom stopped, unable to voice the emotions that had been coursing through him since he'd seen Luka's photograph.

"Tom?" Zoe began, her eyes darting between Tom and Kay.

"I – well, it's just that – " Tom tried again.

Kay stepped in, seeing Tom's consternation.

"Zoe, I take it you knew Maggie Doyle?" she asked.

Zoe sat down, smiling at Luka as he gazed up at her from his position on the floor. "Zoe" he said in his deep voice. "Zooooooooo-eeeeeee". He smiled, nodding, as if he liked the sound of her name.

Zoe grinned at him, before turning back to Tom and Kay.

"Sorry, ah, yes, yes I knew Maggie," she said, "Why?"

Kay said nothing, simply handing Zoe a photograph. Zoe studied it carefully, before turning to Tom. "Who are they, Tom? I didn't know Maggie had any kids? "

Kay glanced over at Tom, before looking back to Zoe. "That's not Maggie, at least, I don't think if is. That's a friend of ours, Mel. Mel Draper."

Zoe squinted down at the picture, really looking at it. "Are you sure? I mean, it really looks like Maggie," she said, her voice dying away as she looked up at Tom. "Tom, what – "

"This Mel, she – she ah – " he tried.

"She arrived up near us about two years ago. She'd been in a car crash, and in a coma for nine days. She has amnesia, and the only stuff she has remembered has been stuff that the doctors told her. Stuff they thought she needed to know, like her name and her husband's name." Kay said. "I – I'm not sure, but, well that photo of Maggie – "

"Melly" Luka's voice interrupted again, and he knelt up across the desk, placing his photo next to the one of the Mt Thomas mob. "Melly – " he pointed to his picture, " and Melly" he pointed to the other picture. "Same"

"It – well, they DO look similar, but – " Zoe said

"Same!!" Luka insisted, standing up and grabbing Zoe's hand. Zoe started slightly at the sudden movement, but stood up with him. "Show you!"

"Luka, sweetheart," Kay said, gently dis-entangling Zoe from her insistent son. "Luka, they can't – "

"Come see Melly. See the same!" Luka insisted, beginning to pull Zoe to the door.

"Son," Tom stood, stopping as Zoe glanced over at him and shook her head slightly.

"Luka," Zoe said gently, taking her hand from his. "Luka, your Mel and our Maggie, they do look the same, you're right. They do look the same. " she smiled at him. "Luka, come and sit down, come and tell me about your Melly" and with a look at Kay, who nodded, she led Luka out into the station and they sat down at one of the desks.

Left behind in the office, Kay watched her son and Zoe. "I'm sorry Tom, he's so sure that your picture is Mel. He's not usually this forward with strangers, but he loves Mel. He adores her, and her boys, and he won't hear a word against her."

"I can understand that, we feel the same way about Maggie. She – well, we all loved her. Especially PJ," he sighed, before turning his gaze towards Kay. "Listen, I – well, I'm not one for – but – Kay, what if this IS Maggie? " he finally voiced the idea – the fear – that had been inching its way through his mind for the past hour.

"Tom – I don't know. They – they look the same, they have the same spark in their eyes, and well, the times fit, but – Tom, what if it isn't? What if they're not the same person at all? And, really, think about it, your Maggie is dead. She's dead, Tom. And Mel, she – "

"Kay, I KNOW that, but – Kay, what if it IS her? What it it's Maggie?" Tom's hopes were beginning to soar. "It sounds far fetched, and impossible, but – I can't – if – Kay, if there's the smallest chance – "

"Tom!" Kay had to stop him. "Tom, think about it. You can't get your hopes up. It'll kill you if it isn't her, and what about PJ? How will he feel?"

"PJ doesn't need to know yet. He doesn't need to know. We could – you and me, and Luka – and – and Zoe! We could fly up, and we could meet this Mel of yours and – Kay, it might be her. I have to know, I have to know one way or the other." Tom said coming round to stand in front of Kay. "Please?"

Kay was silent for a while, her gaze flitting between the man in front of her and her son out in the office with Zoe. "Tom, I don't want you to get your hopes up. It's - Tom, it's so far fetched, it can't be real. It – "

"I have to know." Tom said with finality in his voice. "I just – I have to know Kay."

Kay sighed. "Ok"

Tom gave a ghost of a smile, and walked out into the main office. "Zoe, how'd you feel about a little trip to Kay's house?"

"We're going to see Melly? " Luka's face lit up at the thought.

Zoe looked askance at Tom, knowing that there was only one way forward. This Mel, Maggie's twin, they needed to see her, to prove it to themselves one way or another, and it seemed that there was only one way to do it.

"We're going to see Melly." She said softly, praying inwardly that they were doing the right thing.


	16. Chapter 17

Apologies for disappearing for so long. Hope you're still enjoying the story and thanks for reading and for feeding me with feedback.

C

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"You're doing WHAT?" Nick demanded, before Zoe glared at him and pulled him into the kitchen, out of range of a snoring PJ, who had passed out on the couch.

Zoe had arrived home to find the pair of them watching a boxing match on the television, the sound turned down, and their own version of the commentary taking place instead. The trouble was that PJ kept slipping in and out of sleep, the beer and emotions of the day finally taking their toll. Zoe was pleased to see that Nick wasn't half as drunk as his mate, but still, she wasn't exactly looking forward to the talk she was about to have.

"Shhh!!" she pulled the kitchen door almost shut. "I don't want him to hear this, especially today, it would just about kill him."

"Zoe, what the hell are you talking about? What do you mean Maggie might be alive?"

"NICK!!! Will you PLEASE keep you voice down?!" she sighed, moving over to the sink and fixing herself a glass of water. All the way home, she had gone over it in her head, over and over, and each and every time it got more confusing. Nick sighed, and came over and wrapped his arms around his wife.

"I'm sorry sweetheart. It's just – well saying it's been the day from hell doesn't even come close. He may be doing ok workwise, but emotionally PJ isn't coping. He loved her so much, hell, he still does Zoe, and I don't think that will ever change. That's it for him. Maggie was it. I don't think he'll ever find a you, not like I did." Nick turned Zoe around, placing a gentle kiss on he lips, breaking away with a smile. "I love you Zoe, you do realise that, don't you"

"I know," she smiled back at him. "I love you too, and that's why I have to do this. I have to go with Tom, I have to find out what this Kay woman is on about, because if it IS her, if it is Maggie, then – " her voice tailed off as she looked over at PJ, asleep on the couch, his arms wrapped around a cushion, one long leg dangling off the edge of the couch.

Nick rested his head on top of Zoe's, before leading her over to PJ's kitchen table and sitting down. "Talk to me."

"I'm not even sure if I understand it myself." Zoe took a deep breath. "Ok, well, it seems that there is a woman called Kay Van Doorn. She lives up on the other side of Sydney with her son Luka. Apparently they used to live around here for ages before her husband died, but they kept themselves to themselves, mostly though Mr. Van Doorn's doing."

"Yeah, I think I met him once, nasty piece of work. I heard that there was a wife, but I never even met her." Nick said.

"Well, this Kay, she and her son moved away after her husband died, and they were happy. Then two years ago, they got a new neighbour, one Mel Draper and her twin babies," Zoe said quietly.

"Her WHAT?!" Nick said in a surprised whisper.

"Yes, that's what you might call the icing on the cake," Zoe said with a wry smile. 'Anyway, this Mel, she – well it seems that she had had amnesia, and was trying to rebuild her life again."

"Convenient" Nick said.

"I know," Zoe said with a small grin. "And that's what I thought as well. It's like one of those soap shows, where the missing person has been there all the time and appears just at the right time. Thing is," the grin fell away, " the pictures that Kay and Luka showed me, Nick, they're – its – " she sighed, digging around in her bag. When she'd agreed to go with Tom, she'd known that Nick would take some convincing. Placing the photograph that Luka had grudgingly lent her, in front of Nick, she smiled sadly when she heard his audible gasp.

"Zo, it – "

"Now do you see why I have to go? Nick, for PJ's sake – especially after today – I have to go. I have to find out. And, sweetheart, PJ can't know, not yet. It would kill him if he got his hopes up and it wasn't her. I don't think he would cope, he – "

"Go. You and Tom go and find out if this is – if it's – " Nick swallowed. " If this is Margaret," he said, the old nickname slipping easily from his lips, " You go and find out. Leave PJ to me." He glanced over his shoulder at his best friend who was now snoring on the couch.

"What will you tell him?" Zoe asked.

"I have no idea, but I'll think of something. Now, let's get buggerlugs over there to bed, and then we can get some sleep too. You and Tom have an early start tomorrow" he smiled, dragging himself to his feet and smiling down at Zoe.

With rather more effort than Nick had expected, he finally dragged a still snoring PJ into his bedroom, dumping him on his bed and courageously removing PJ's boots, but drawing a line in the sand at going any further. There was only so much a best friend would do when it involved putting his mate to bed, and in Nick's eyes, boot removal was enough. Luckily for PJ, Zoe was a little more accommodating, and gently removed both his jeans and shirt, covering him over with the doona, and leaving a glass of water and some headache tablets within easy reach.

0-0-0-0-0-0

PJ rolled over, trying to block out the sunshine – and immediately regretted the move. Cranking open one eye the minimal amount to be able to see, he was inordinately grateful for the glass of water and the painkillers that swam into view. Forcing himself to move, he raised his head, took a mouthful of water, swallowed the pills and let sleep wash over him again.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Nick stood in the doorway, his wife in his arms as they watched Tom's car pull to a stop. Neither was quite sure what to say. On the one hand there was the fervent hope that it was Maggie, that she was alive and had 'come back from the dead' – but then if it wasn't her, then they would have to deal with losing her all over again. Lying in bed last night, they had both decided not to tell PJ what was going on, not yet – if ever.

Tom got out of the car, closing the door quietly and coming over to the pair of them, a tired look in his eyes. "You two look like you slept as much as I did" he said with a small smile. "Nick mate, it's good to see you, even under these circumstances." He said as they shook hands.

Nick nodded. "Good to see you too Boss. I – well, I just hope it all works out. Listen, you get going and I'll sort out PJ when he wakes up."

"Any idea what you'll tell him?" Zoe asked. "I mean, he's going to wonder where Tom is, and why I'm not here."

"You know me, it'll come to me when I'm saying it" Nick said, reaching down and kissing Zoe before he put her bag in the boot of Tom's car. "Now, get going before he wakes up."

0-0-0-0-0-0

This time PJ made it to an upright position, his head pounding, although not quite as much as it had earlier. Squinting, he managed to see the time, and forced himself to get out of bed. Weaving his way to the bathroom, he was soon done and headed towards the kitchen in search of - well, he wasn't quite sure what he was in search of, but he'd know it when he found it.

The radio was blaring out some nameless tune when he got to the kitchen, accompanied by the tuneless sound of one Nicholas Shultz. PJ groaned at the sound – nothing had changed, the man was still in a league of his own when it came to singing.

"Morning Patick!" Nick bellowed when he saw PJ, thrusting a glass of water towards him, grinning as PJ glared back.

"Shut up Shultz."

Nick grinned, moving over and pulling a chair out at the table. "Sorry mate, couldn't help it. Now, what can I get you for brekkie?"

"More water, and toast and Vegemite. What? It's my hangover cure. No idea why, but it woks every time. Don't be stingy with the Vegemite either, the more the better." PJ managed a grin. "And where's Zoe? Sleeping in?"

"Zo? She's, ah, one of her patients back home went into labour – and the silly woman refused to go anywhere without Zoe being there. She'll be back as soon as she can, she said to look after you and to give you a big sloppy kiss when you woke up" Nick gave his trademark goofy grin and began to advance on PJ, who was backing away, the chair scraping across the floor.

"Get lost you great oaf, " he laughed, standing up, Vegemite toast in hand. "Zoe's had a lucky escape by the sound of it. I'm going to grab a shower, then I'm going to drag you down to the station and you can earn your keep while your wifeless."

Nick grinned back at him, waiting until he heard the water start running before he breathed a sigh of relief, reaching up and massaging the back of his neck with a tired arm.

"Please let it be her," he whispered.


	17. Chapter 18

Reaching down, Mel placed a gentle kiss on Tom's soft hair, smiling as he snuffled slightly in his sleep, knowing that once he was asleep, he would stay that way. Both boys had always been good sleepers, she thought, much the same as their Dad had been. She froze, the memory evaporating as fast as it had appeared, frustration taking its place. Sighing, she stood up and made her way into the kitchen, closing the door behind her as quietly as she could. It wasn't fair. This whole thing, all of it, it just wasn't fair, Mel thought as she pulled the cork from the bottle and poured herself half a glass of wine. Sloshing the wine around the glass, she watched as it settled back into lace, wishing it was that easy. Wishing life could settle back into place much as the wine did. Wishing for a miracle.

Settling back into the couch, she turned the television on, mostly as background noise, the thoughts in her mind being far too consuming for any real watching. It wasn't as if she was fighting it any more, she had amnesia, and everything she'd been told and everything she felt – it all led her to the conclusion that it would take time. With time, the memories would come back, with time she would know who she was, and with time it would all make sense. The thing was, she was sick to death of 'with time'. She was sick of waiting. She was sick of it all, and she wanted to know right now. She deserved to know, and the boys, they deserved to know their father. They deserved to know what sort of man he had been, that he had loved them and adored them in the little time he had known about them. She had tracked it back, through everything that the doctors and the police had told her, and if everyone had it right, she had to have become pregnant around the time of the accident. Mel sighed, running a tired hand across her face, taking a deep breath as she struggled to stay afloat. He had to have known he was going to be a Dad, he just had to have done. She didn't think she could cope if he had died without knowing, and so Mel had convinced herself that she had told him and that he had been over the moon.

Leaning back against the couch, Mel took another sip of wine, her thoughts turning to her sons. It had been a miracle that they had survived, but survive they had. They were both growing up so fast, each day brought new progress, new abilities, new ways to make their Mum smile. And each day took them further away from their Dad.

She SHOULD be able to move on. Should be able to move forward, to get on with her life, to look to the future. That was what the boys needed, and what they deserved. But – but doing that was so much harder than thinking that. How could she move forward when she didn't know what she was moving forward from? How the hell could she live for the future when the past was an illusion, when she had no idea of where she had come from? Sure she had been told stuff, her name, her husband's name, how he had died and other such things – but being told and remembering it were two hugely different things.

OOO

Tom sat back in his seat as Zoe drove, following the instructions that the tourism attendant had given them at the airport. Zoe glanced over at him, he had been quiet for the flight up, deep in thought, and it hadn't changed now.

"Tom – "

"Hm?" Tom roused from his memories with a shake of his head. "Sorry."

"Don't be. I know this is hard for you. She was my friend too, but it goes much deeper for you, doesn't it?" Zoe said softly.

"She – I know it sounds like a cliché, but she was like a daughter to me – or at least a niece. She was family, they all are – but if you tell Schultz that I'll deny it" he said, a grin gracing his tired face. "It's just – Zoe, if this IS her, if she is still alive – it's" he tailed off, unable to find the words.

"If it is her then we'll deal with it, Tom. If it isn't, then we'll deal with that too. If Maggie is still alive, then it's going to take a lot of time and love from all of us before we even get anywhere like back to normal. That's if she even wants to." Tom's head shot up at that. "Tom, you need to think about that. She might be happy here. She might not want to know. And if she doesn't, then we can't force her."

Tom sighed. "I know," At Zoe's look, he frowned slightly, "I do. She's built a life up here, this Mel, she's got a job, a home, hell, she's even got a family. Like you say, she might not want to come back, to be Maggie again – but Zoe, we – I – I have to know, I have to find out – and I have to give her that chance. I owe it to myself to do this, and I owe PJ and – and I owe it to Maggie. If it is her, then she deserves to have all the information, and if it isn't, then there's no real harm done. We can cope, you, me and Nick, we can cope with finding out it's not her. But if it is – Zoe, I just have to do this."

Zoe sighed softly, the full impact of it all setting in as she drew the car to the kerb. Turning the engine off, she glanced over at Tom again. Kay's car drew in behind them, and seeing no movement from their car, she got out, telling Luka to stay put for the time being. Kay stood and watched them for a moment, seeing the nerves, tension and hope in Tom's face, emotions mirrored in Zoe. Stepping forward, she tapped softly on the window, wrapping her arms around herself as her own nerves set in. Tom and Zoe got out of the car, hesitantly, both immersed in their own thoughts. Wordlessly, Tom stared at the two of them, before turning and making his way up the path, Zoe following him. Kay moved to follow as well, stopping as Luka's large hand found its way into hers.

"Melly? Melly here? " he asked softly, the emotion of the moment casting its spell over him too. "Mum, what wrong? Why Tom sad?"

"Tom is - he's not sad, sweetie, he's - Luka, listen, I'll explain later" she said as she saw Tom raise his hand to knock. "Right now we need to go and see Melly, and you have to be a good boy for me. You have to stay quiet, and to be good for Melly and Tom and me. Can you promise Mummy that? " she asked with a smile as they came up to the porch. "Even if it looks like Melly is sad, Tom and Zoe aren't making her sad on purpose, they care about Melly and only want what's best for her. And you know that I love Melly as much as you do, and I won't let her be hurt, so you have to promise me that you won't get upset, ok?"

Luka hesitated, his confused eyes sweeping between Tom, Zoe and his Mum. Kay looked back at her son with as much honesty and openness as she could manage in the circumstances.

"You love Melly?" he said, and Kay nodded in confirmation.

"Ok Mum." Luka said, slipping his warm hand back into his mother's, and Kay held his hand to her heart.

"Good boy"

Luka's attention was distracted from Kay, however, as the hall light had flickered to life, and everyone could hear footsteps. A voice rang out, strong but muted.

"Hello? Who's there?"


	18. Chapter 19

PJ Hasham sat in his car for a few moments, trying to will himself to get out and go to work. Two years and a day. And counting. And she was still gone. Still never coming back, and still the thought tore a gaping hole in his heart. Shaking his head, PJ ran a tired hand through his hair, and down across his face, as if trying to smooth the memories away. It wasn't as if he had a choice, really. He had to move on, it was either that or curl up and die, and Nick was right, he owed it to her, to Maggie, to keep going. He couldn't let her down, couldn't give up when he knew full well that she would have kicked his behind if he had even dared to even think of doing so.

Straightening up as he locked the car door, PJ set himself up for the day. Put his thoughts in order. Tenderly, lovingly put Maggie to the back of his mind and faced the future. Pushing the door open, he managed a smile for Susie, who smiled back.

"Got a result on that shooter from yesterday" she said.

PJ frowned, "Shooter?"

"You know, the guy who shot at that moron's girlfriend, the one you – "she stopped, and realisation crossed PJ's features.

"Ah. Them. Yeah, ah, sorry about that. It's not, it's just – well, yesterday wasn't a good day for me. I – it's – "

"I know PJ. And for what it's worth, and even though I didn't know her, I'm sorry." Susie said, watching as PJ smiled sadly, before moving across and hanging his jacket behind his office door.

"Thanks, Suse. Just – thanks." He smiled, and then took a deep breath. "Ok, so this shooter…."

"Right, ok. Well, it seems that that lovely young man Mr Van Doorn and his poor girlfriend – "PJ almost cracked a smile at that," were the unfortunate victims of Matty Torland and his new gun. Apparently Matty was practicing his aim, and Van Doorn wandered into range right at the wrong time. Matty was terrified, and not just because he only just missed them – he was on the Van Doorn land, as Mo Torland has forbidden Matty practicing at home."

This time PJ did smile. Mo Torland was well known as running her family with a rod of steel. Her eight kids almost never put a foot wrong, and if they did, Mo came down on them like a tonne of bricks. That's not to say she didn't love them, no, that was the other thing Mo was known for, her undying devotion to her kids – but her love was only rivaled by her discipline. And Matty, being the youngest, was the favourite, and thus couldn't put a foot wrong.

"So where's Matty then?" PJ asked. "In the cells?"

Susie grinned. "Something much, much worse. Fined for trespassing, confiscated the gun, suspended the licence and sent him home. Back to the waiting arms of Mo"

"Oh, now that was just mean," PJ laughed. "What did the Van Doorn's think?"

"Well, after much huffing and puffing, they backed off – mostly after I told them that they'd have to stay here for the court case and that it might take up to four months to even get to court, let alone the case itself being tried" Susie's grin widened.

"What did the Boss say to that then" PJ grinned back.

"Not entirely sure actually," Susie said, "He's not here"

"What? Where is he?"

000000000000

Standing on the front porch of Mel's house, hearing the footsteps inside move towards the door, Tom's stomach was turning a complex suite of somersaults, backflips and handstands all at the same time. Glancing over at him, Zoe moved a little closer, and Tom smiled faintly at her gesture of support. The voice, that voice that they'd heard calling out to them – it could have been hers, could have been Maggie, but –

"I don't KNOW" Tom whispered fiercely, more to himself than to Zoe or Kay. "I just – I don't know"

The voice called out again as the footsteps neared the door. "Who is it?"

"Mel, it's Kay, Kay from next door."

"Kay?" they all heard the sounds of locks being undone, and the glare from the porchlight made Tom shield his eyes in surprise. The door swung open and Kay stepped forward, in front of Tom and Zoe. "Kay, are you all right? It's late and – Kay, what's going on?" Mel glanced around Kay, her eyes coming to rest on the couple stood behind her neighbour.

"Mel, these are – " Kay hesitated, not really sure of what to say.

Tom, meanwhile, had lowered his arm, his tired eyes finally focusing on the woman in front of him. His voice was little more than a whisper.

"Maggie."


	19. Chapter 20

Mel turned slightly, "Mm? No, Mel actually. Kay?" she asked once again facing her friend. "Kay, what is it? Are you ok? I thought you were down in wherever it is, visiting Christophe" Mel stopped , glancing between Kay and the couple who stood beside her. There was something – something …..no. No, it was late, she was tired and her imagination had been playing havoc with her lately. It was almost as if she was seeing something she should remember in every single person that she came across. "Sorry. Long day and all that. Listen, come in for a sec, it's chilly out here"

Kay glanced over at Tom and Zoe, who had been silent for the entire conversation. Kay had caught Tom's whisper, and if any further confirmation was needed, she only had to look at his face. Tom was frozen, his heart beating nineteen to the dozen, his mind floundering as he stared at the woman in front of him.

"Maggie" he whispered again, but this time she hadn't heard, as she currently wrapped in a Luka hug, and Luka hugs really left no room for anything else. Light laughter brought Tom back to his senses, as he watched Maggie – Mel – as he watched her lead Luka into the house.

"Tom?" Kay asked, and Zoe answered for him.

"It's her. It's Maggie. That's Maggie Doyle. Oh my god, it's Maggie."

"Kay?" a voice called down the corridor, followed by some carefully lumbering footsteps as Luka returned to the front door.

"Mum, Melly says you have to come in or the boys will get cold. You too Mr. Tom. Melly says so." Luka said, taking hold of his Mum's hand and Tom's, gently pulling them inside, Zoe following behind them. Luka led them into the lounge, before going back into the kitchen. A few moments later he returned, carefully balancing a tray as Mel walked behind him. Kay and Mel smiled as, with intense concentration, Luka approached each of them, and offered them a glass of water.

"Thanks Luka," Zoe said, as she placed her glass at her feet, settling back into the couch. Tom smiled and wordlessly nodded his thanks, his eyes drawn back to Mel. Perhaps feeling his gaze, Mel turned and looked at him – really looked at him. For a moment, just a moment, it seemed as if she was going to say something, but a wail shattered the moment, and her attention was drawn to the closed door of her sons' room.

"'Scuse me, back in a mo," she said.

Left in the lounge, Tom was unable stay sitting, and rose, his eyes drawn to the photographs that edged along the mantelpiece. Photo after photo of the boys, some of them with Mel, some not. Tom found himself smiling as he stared at them. Maggie. Maggie and her sons. Peering more closely, he felt his heart stop, and then the smile widened. Their sons. Dark hair, piercing blue eyes, and that smile – he'd know that smile anywhere. Pure Hasham charm, that smile. And as fast as Tom's smile widened, it disappeared.

It was Maggie.

Alive.

Zoe caught him as his legs buckled, eternally thankful that there was a sofa right beside her. "Tom? Tom, are you all right?"

"It's her, Zoe. It is, isn't it, it's Maggie. I'm not – it IS her, isn't it" Tom said, gently shucking off Zoe's help. Zoe nodded, as Maggie came back into the room.

"Sorry about that, have to get in there before whichever one it is wakes the other one. They're usually pretty good sleepers, but if they do wake up…." She broke off with a resigned smile, before her gaze came to rest on Tom. "Hey, are you all right? " she asked, confused by the protective streak that she suddenly felt. "I – do you need a doctor?" she turned to Zoe, "Can you – " she stopped.

"I'm fine" Tom said quietly. "I'm fine. Just had a bit of a shock, that's all."

"A shock?" Mel asked, sitting down next to Tom, worried about the man in front of her. He was pale, shock written across his features, and the urge to help him was growing stronger by the second. Mel had no idea why, but this, this Tom was it, she was drawn to him.

"I'm fine M- Mel. Just, just feel like I saw a ghost." He said, glancing over at Zoe.

"What – Kay, what's going on?" Mel said, turning to look at Kay, but remaining seated, close to Tom.

"Tom – " Kay said, unsure of what to say.

"Tom?" Mel stopped, staring at Kay. "His – " she turned, "You're name is Tom?"

Tom nodded, watching as Maggie struggled. "Tom Croydon"

There was a silence, as Mel stared at Tom, and Tom stared back. Something was happening, something was connecting, and inwardly Tom was praying to whomever was listening that Maggie would return. That Mel would fall away, and that their Maggie would once again surface.

Mel, however, remained silent. This man, this Tom, he – there was something, something tickling the back of her mind, and for the life of her, she couldn't find it. "Tom?" she whispered, "Tom – I – Kay, what is it, who are they, Kay please – " a lone tear made it's way down her tired face, and Tom could withstand it no longer. Reaching forward, he wrapped Maggie in his arms and gently rocked her.

"It's all right, Ma – Mel. It's all right."

Now, it should have scared the living daylights out of her, but Mel gave up trying to sort out the should have beens. Instead she let herself get lost in the confusingly familiar hug, sitting silently for a few minutes, before she sat up again. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that, it just – I – " she stopped. "I know you, don't I? From before? I know you." Shaking her head, she stood up, her frustration evident. "I know you, I'm sure I do, but I can't – "

"Maggie, I – "

"Maggie? Is that my name? Not Mel?" she said, grasping at any straw. "Maggie? It sounds – " she took a deep breath, trying to make some sense of the thoughts that were freefalling around inside her mind. "Ok" she turned back to Tom, fixing him with a steely gaze, and he had to bite back his smile as he recognized that classic Doyle interrogation stare. "Talk to me. Tell me everything you know. I know you, and I want to know how. Did you know my husband? Did you know Rick? What did – how did you know us? Tom, I need to know what you know, and I need to know it now."


	20. Chapter 21

"I'll be glad when the Boss gets back," PJ said, with a sigh. It was all very well for Tom to be suddenly called away, family did come first, and it sounded like Susan was just about to pop, the baby was due any day now. Honestly, it seemed like babies were popping out all over the place, Zoe still wasn't back, and Nick was starting to get edgy without her. PJ smiled. Zoe really did have Nick wrapped around her little finger, the big lug was so obviously missing her, staying up late every night, having 'deep and meaningful' chats about the footy, about country versus city, about – hell, about anything, just so that he didn't have to think about how much he was missing his wife. Just like me, PJ thought. Just like I am, doing anything and everything in my power not to think about her. Not to drown in the memories that were there surrounding him every single second of the day. Memories that he had to force himself to lock away – memories that most of the time flat out refused to be hidden.

Forcing himself to his feet, and making a conscious effort NOT to look at the picture that sat on his desk, PJ wandered out of his office, surprised to find himself standing in front of a certain best mate, who was currently on the phone.

"Yes, Mrs Kawalski, it IS me, no, I've not moved back here, I'm on loan, yes, I'm still married, no, she's not here at the moment, she's – " Nick caught sight of a highly amused PJ. Giving his trademark sardonic smile, Nick turned back to the phone," She'll be back soon, something about delivering a baby, I'm sure she'll be happy to update you. Now, what can I do to help you? What do you need our most esteemed police force for, Mrs Kawalski?" he listened for a few moments, 'aha-ing' and 'mmhm-ing' now and then, before turning back to PJ.

PJ's grin faded at the look Nick was giving him. Faded fast. A feeling of dread built up at the look in Nicholas' eye. Before he knew it, PJ was vehemently shaking his head. Whatever it was, that look meant only one thing. Whatever Nick was getting him into would most definitely make Nick laugh for days, and would make PJ wasn't to be anywhere else in the entire world.

"He'd love to. Absolutely love to. Bonnie Babes?"

PJ's eyebrows shot into orbit. Bonnie Babes? Please, oh please let it be anything but that. Anything but babies. Anything but small screaming infants, who spent their lives plotting how to either be sick all over him, or how to release the most foul noxious smells with the cutest smile they could manage.

"Thursday morning? 11 am? He'll be there with bells on. Righty-ho. Bye then Mrs K " Nick hung up with a smile, ducking as a pen flew through the air, narrowly missing his head.

"I – " PJ paused to make sure he had Nick's attention, before speaking very slowly and clearly. "I. Am. Going. To. Kill. You.. There is NO WAY I am doing it. Babies hate me Nick, they either throw up on me, or worse. Much, much worse." PJ shook his head in horror, as Nick gave up hiding his enjoyment of it all. "Shut up Schultz. If I have to do it, you're coming too. You said you were on loan here, so that makes you part of the station again, so I hereby make you my second in command, and therefore you have to come too. Makes sense to me anyway, and that's all that matters"

Nick sighed, and nodded. "Ok, I'll come. Be worth it if only to see your face."

"Where's Tom when you need him? " PJ complained. "Can't we get Susan down here? Mount Thomas is a fabulous place for a baby, just ask Mrs K, she'll tell him. And Zoe too, when's she back? Surely that baby she's looking after must have been born by now? Honestly, the two most suited people for this disaster have escaped town. I'm thinking of putting an APB out on them. Or a missing person's notice. " PJ sighed, resting on Nick's desk, running a hand thorough his short hair. "Have you heard from her? From Zoe?"

"I – ah, she, she sent me a text message before. Any day now apparently" Nick lied, the paperwork in front of him suddenly very interesting. "Yeah, ah, the baby, he likes it in there apparently"

"No comment," PJ said, before a thought occurred to him. "What's this about you being on loan here? The city finally seen the light and shipped you back to us poor schmucks in the country?" he grinned.

"Nah mate, 's just that now I've finally knocked them into shape, they saw the light and realised that you mob might need another dose of the Schultz Genius" Nick grinned right back. Of course, that wasn't quite true, and it had taken a considerable amount of wrangling to get the Powers That Be to accept a short term transfer until Tom and Zoe had - well, had done whatever it was that needed to be done. Nick wasn't going to think about HOW it had happened, he was just grateful that he was here to cope with the fall out from however it ended up. "Zo sends her love, and she, ah, she hopes she'll be back soon." His smile faltered for a moment as it hit home exactly how much he was missing his wife.

PJ sighed, then a smile wound its way across his face. "You're a lucky man Nick. Zoe's obviously lost the plot, because that woman loves you, mate. Thinks you hung the sun. Can't see why, myself, but you hold on to her, mate. Hold on tight. Because you never know – " he stopped, standing up and stopping himself from going there. "So, Thursday?"

000000

"I'm not sure I should – what would your doctor – " Tom ground to a halt, not knowing quite what he should say.

"I don't care what the doctors would say, Tom. I want to know what you know. You obviously know me, and I want to know how. Did you know Rick? Do you know how we met? Where we met? Do you know my family? My parents? You have to tell me, Tom, please!" Mel said, her eyes boring into Tom's heart. She was sitting next to him, quite unaware that she held his hand tightly in hers. She didn't care that she was pleading, that she was laying everything she thought she had remembered out in the open. Quite simply, she didn't care.

This Tom, he knew her. KNEW her. He had answers, he could clear things up. He could help. Mel was sick and tired of living a half life. Sure, the half life she was living had it's upsides, she had some wonderful friends, she had a good job – even if it did drive her mad at times.

And the boys, her boys. She needed to know for them. Needed to know about their father, so they could get to know him.

"Boss, please, you have to tell me'" Mel said, and Tom froze.

Zoe looked between the two of them, Tom was pale, and Mel quite obviously had no idea what she had just said.

"Maggie, " she said gently, deliberately using Mel's real name. After - to Tom – a noticeable pause, Mel turned to look at her. "My name is Zoe Schultz, and this is Tom Croydon. I'm a doctor, and as such, I'm not really sure we should be doing this – " she held up a hand to ward off Mel's response – " but I'm going to go ahead and do it. Gently though. I'm only going to tell you as much as I think you can cope with, and nothing will get me – or Tom – to go any further. So, if you agree to that, then – well, are you sitting comfortably?"

Mel nodded, leaning back into the couch. "Ok, but please, I'll be fine, honestly."

"All right. So, your name is Maggie. Maggie Doyle." Zoe began.


	21. Chapter 22

"So, let me get this right." Mel……Maggie said. "Maggie Doyle, police officer, daughter of Pat, lived in St Thomas."

"Mount." Tom interrupted, "Mount Thomas"

"Sorry, Mount Thomas." Maggie corrected herself. "My mother is dead." She paused, as if trying it on for size. My mother is dead, she repeated to herself, a little taken aback at the lack of feelings that went through her.

"I'm sorry" Zoe said softly, wondering if it was all to much already.

"It's ok," Maggie gave a sad smile, "It's not like I remember her or anything."

"So this," Zoe gestured between herself and Tom, "It's not helping? You're not remembering any of it?"

Maggie sighed, glancing over at Kay and a gently snoring Luka before replying.

"It's familiar. What you're saying, its – I know it's true. Don't ask me to explain how I know, I just feel it. I am Maggie Doyle, and Pat Doyle is my father – but I – it – I don't know. It feels right, but I can't quite – it's not clicking. What you're saying makes sense. Makes more sense than what I was told before – and while we're on that subject, exactly why was I told that? What made everyone tell me that my name is Mel? Why – " Maggie drew a deep breath, trying to rein in her emotions.

Zoe delved deep into her bag, pulling out an envelope. "Perhaps this will help"

Maggie's hand shook only slightly as she opened it, the photographs tumbling out. Pictures of her with Tom, wide smiles pasted across their faces. Pictures of her and Zoe, and a tall man, Neil, Nate…

"Nick?"

"Nick!!" Tom said, excitement lacing his tone. "You remember? Nick Shultz, Zoe's husband"

"I – " Maggie stood up, her impatience evident. "It's like – I remember, but I don't. I remember some of it, but it's not me that's there. I'm watching this Maggie Doyle's life. Like I'm in the audience or something – I – aarrgh!" She ran a hand through her hair, ruffling it as if she could shake some of the memories back into some semblance of order. "Your photo's. That looks like me, it IS me, but it's not. Do you know what I mean? Am I making any sense at all – because I'm certainly not making any sense to myself, here."

"It must be frustrating" Kay said softly. She hadn't said much throughout the night, watching the reactions of the people in front of her. Mel, her friend Mel, she wasn't Mel at all. Mel was Maggie. Maggie from Mount Thomas. Maggie the policewoman, Maggie the friend, Maggie the loved, missed friend. "Me – Maggie, it must be so frustrating, but bear with it, sweetie. These people, it's obvious that they love you, that they care about you." She stood up and moved over to Maggie, rubbing her hands up and down Maggie's arms in a gesture of comfort. "I know it's all a shock, but it's true Maggie. It's all true. Don't ask me how I know, but I do. The reactions, the way Tom reacted when he saw your picture, when he realised it was you, these people care about you. Maggie, it'll work itself out, it'll just take time."

Maggie sighed, moving over to sit on the couch again. Picking up the photo's, she began to work her way through them again, seeing Maggie and a whole selection of people – no, seeing herself and those people. People who were on the tip of her tongue, who were so familiar – and so far away. And – and someone was missing. There should be someone else there, another photo, another person in the pictures – but…..but….

Maggie's sad sigh almost broke Tom's heart.

"I know." She said softly. "I know. Tom, Zoe, I'm sorry. I do – it's just, I….." she tailed off. " I think I need some time here. It's a lot to take in, a hell of a lot – but I need to do it. I need to - "

"Listen, it's late, how about Tom and I check into a hotel or whatever, and we'll come back tomorrow." Zoe said, moving over and beginning to collect the photo's together. Tom saw the alarm race across Maggie's face.

"Zoe, leave them. Maggie can keep them for a while" he said, and Zoe stopped, looking over at Maggie.

'Please?" Maggie said quietly. "I – I'd just like to - to spend some time with them. To, I don't know, to look over them by myself. They'll be safe, I promise you, but I just want – I want to see if anything comes back. "

"Sure" Zoe agreed with a small. "It's probably better that way, without us all watching over your shoulder. Can't be easy to have all of this dumped on you then to be stared at while you do so. Listen, you take your time, we'll come back tomorrow, or later if you want, and see how things are going, how does that sound?"

"Sounds good," Maggie said with a small smile. "Thanks"

Kay gently woke Luka, who gave Maggie a sleepy hug. Tom stood and put his jacket on, wondering whether he could give Maggie a hug, before throwing caution to the wind and wrapping his lost friend in his arms. Startled for a moment, Maggie relaxed into the hug, knowing that this man cared for her.

Shutting the door behind them, Maggie wandered back into the lounge. Tidying up, she managed to run the water in the sink to rinse everything, before it got the better of her. The pull, the magnetic pull of those pictures. Making her way back into the lounge, she picked up the envelope, turning it over and over in her hands. Sighing, she slumped back in the chair, staring at the wretched thing. So many memories – so many memories sitting inside that little white folded piece of paper – so many damned elusive memories. Things she should be able to remember, after all, they were HER memories, but remember them she could not.

With an angry sigh, she tossed the envelope aside, and got up to do the dishes.

00000

"We have to tell him" Tom said as he sat on his bed, Zoe stood in the doorway that linked their rooms, watching him. "We have to tell PJ"

"Tom, what can we tell him? Yes, we found her, yes she's alive, but she doesn't remember us. Not really. She's clutching at straws, glimpses of things, but she doesn't remember, not really"

"But it's HER" Tom said. "It's Maggie. We found her. She's alive, Zoe! Maggie's alive. And those boys, Zoe did you see the pictures? They're PJ's, Zoe. He's a father, those boys are his."

"Tom, I know, but we can't tell him. Not yet. Not tonight. She's not ready. It's a shock to her, and she needs some time to adjust to it. And you know PJ, he'd be up here like a shot. He loved – loves her. Just – just give her time." Zoe said. "She deserves that from us."

Tom sighed. "I know, I know. I just – Zoe, I want her back, back in Mt Thomas, back with us living happily ever after."

Zoe came over to sit on the bed next to Tom. "You know that might not – Tom, it might not happen. She might not want to come back, she might not remember – Tom, anything could happen."

"I know, but – "

"Tom."

"I know." He sighed. "It's Maggie, but – but it's not. Not yet."

Zoe sighed. "Tom, get some sleep."

00000

Maggie lay in bed, the photo's scattered around her. Her and Tom, her and Zoe and Nick, her and someone called Jack. Dash, Wayne, Zoe, Nick, Tom, Pat, Maggie – name after name swirled around in her head, chasing each other mercilessly, almost catching each other, almost making sense, but then falling away. Dissolving, disappearing. Never quite taking hold and never quite making sense. There was only one thing that she was sure of. Someone was missing. Someone else should be there, another face should be in the photos.

If only she could remember who, because Maggie had never been more sure that this missing person, the gaping hole in her memory – this person held the key.


	22. Chapter 23

Zoe had not slept well at all. Not at all. Her mind had been spinning. Maggie Doyle. The woman they had met last night had been Maggie Doyle.

Maggie. Doyle.

What on earth was going to happen now?

It wasn't just Maggie that this would affect, but all of them. PJ obviously, but Tom, Nick, all of them. Every single one of them. And then there was Maggie, and the life she had here, and her sons, and even Luka, who so obviously adored Maggie and the boys.

But most of all, there was PJ.He'd never stopped loving Maggie, never stopped missing her, needing her. What was this going to do to _him_?

And who's to say that she would even come back? That they would be – that they would be whatever magic it was that made them 'them' again? Because, when she thought about it, Maggie and PJ had always been a part of each other, whether they were a couple or not. The spark had always been there, the fire that raged between them may well have been an ember, but it was still there. And when they did eventually get their heads out of – Zoe grinned to herself, when they eventually did get together, well, it would have taken an idiot not to realise it.

Zoe's smile widened as she realised what she had just thought. According to that train of thought, the entire Mt Thomas police station and community must have been idiots, seeing as no-one appeared to pick up on the fact that Maggie and PJ had been sneaking around behind their backs, ensconced in a relationship that was as strong as the one Zoe shared with Nick now.

The smile faded as reality set back in.

Maggie Doyle was alive – and the world as they knew it was about to turn upside down.

The shrill squeal of Zoe's phone pierced the silence, and she almost fell out of bed, scrambling amongst the covers to find it. "Zoe Shultz" she said, finally clicking it open.

"Who is it? Who's missing? There's someone not in these pictures, someone's missing, and I – it'll all make sense once I know. Zoe please – "

"Maggie, calm down. Stop for a minute and calm down" Zoe said, trying to get a word in edgewise.

"Sorry," came a tired voice from the other end of the line. "It's just that – well, I haven't slept much, I mean, this all – it makes sense, but it's just so – so out of the blue, or whatever the saying is. You tell me I'm this Maggie Doyle, and in some way I know I am – but in another way, I don't. It fits, all of it, but it doesn't seem real yet. There's still something missing, there's SOMEONE missing, and I can't – "

"Maggie, calm down. Listen, give us half an hour, and Tom and I will be over to see you" Zoe said, climbing out of bed and wrapped a fleecey top around her as she moved over to the door between her and Tom's rooms.

Tom answered her knock with as bleary and expression as Zoe was sure she wore. Holding up the phone, she gave a tired smile. "Our presence is requested."

"Good." Tom said. "We've got a lot to talk about, young Doyle and I" He stopped, smiling at the sight before him. Nick Schultz, it cannot be denied, was a tall man. A very tall man. And, as you would expect his clothes fit him. They did not, however, fit his wife. This fact was of little importance to Zoe, who would regularly steal his t-shirts, shirts – and in this case, fleecey tops.

"What?!" Zoe blustered, before allowing a smile to break through. "I miss him, ok? He's my hubby, and I miss him, and this keeps me warm like he does, and if you wrap the arms around you like this, it's like he's hugging me – and Tom? Tom, come back!" she laughed as Tom backed away, hands jammed over his ears.

"I'll never know what you see in that great lump of a man" he teased, sitting down on the bed, holding his robe tight around him as the cool morning air settled in.

"Want me to tell you?" Zoe teased.

"Gah!" Tom shuddered, standing up and grabbing his shower bag from his bag. "Shower! Er, I'm going to have a shower, then we can grab a coffee and get going. Now. Right now. Yes" He turned, Zoe's laughter making him smile. Before he shut the bathroom door, however, he turned back, just as Zoe was about to shut the dividing door. "Ah, Zoe?"

Zoe had almost shut the door when she heard him. "Mm?"

"You do know I'm only teasing, don't you. Nick's a lucky man to have you, and you're lucky to have him too. The sort of – of love that you two have, and that Maggie and PJ had, it doesn't come along that often. Hold onto it Zoe," Tom said softly, before shutting the bathroom door, and leaving Zoe standing behind him, a sad smile on her face.

Exactly half an hour later, there was a silence as they drove towards Maggie's house. This time it would just be the three of them, unless Maggie wanted Kay there for moral support. Zoe had told Tom about her early morning call from Maggie. She had also told him that she didn't have any pictures of PJ. Not a single one. It wasn't a conscious decision, or at least she hadn't thought it was. It had just happened that way. There wasn't one single picture either of PJ and Maggie together or of PJ at all.

"So we haven't got anything?" Tom asked.

"Nope. And she's not going to like it."

"But why not?" Tom grumbled.

"Why won't she like it?" Zoe said, trying to avoid thinking about it.

Tom glared at her, which Zoe ignored, understanding how worried he was. "No, I meant why haven't you got any photo's of PJ"

"I don't know, Tom. Really I don't. I COULD ask the same of you, but I won't. I suppose I just grabbed the photo's Nick and PJ were looking at the other night, and I suppose PJ has all of the photos of him and Maggie somewhere safe. And as for why there are none of him with the rest of you, well, like I said, I really don't know"

By now, they were pulling up in Maggie's driveway, where Maggie stood waving good bye to a car that was driving away. Tom watched her, before Maggie turned and gave them a hesitant smile.

"Morning." Glancing back to where the car was now out of sight, she sighed, before turning back to the people who held the key to her future – and her past. "Kay and Luka have taken the boys out for the day, so we have time to get whatever this is out into the open" She ran a tired hand over her face, before taking a hesitant step forward, the hesitancy fading as she made up her mind. Tom was surprised to find himself wrapped in a hug, and seconds later found himself responding, his arms wrapping around her tightly.

"So. I've got the coffee on, and I got Kay to bring some Vanilla Slices over from the bakery for us, so let's get going" she said moments later, leading a considerably happier Tom Croydon into the house.

"Who is it?" Maggie asked, once they were settled in. " I'm sorry, but I couldn't sleep last night, and I kept coming back to the photographs. There's me and your Nick," she said to Zoe, " Me and you, Boss, me and Dash, and Adam, and Wayne, me and all of you. And I remember some of them, sort of. I'm remembering places, things I've done, but there's still a hole. Still something missing, and it's beginning to really annoy me. What? What are you grinning at?"

Tom's grin only grew at Maggie's look of impatience. "You called me Boss."

"I what?" Maggie said.

"You called me Boss. Like you used to. Maggie, you called me Boss"

"I – " Maggie paused. "I did, didn't I?" surprise was written across her face as she realised what she had done.

"And you did it last night too, Maggie." Zoe said.

"I did?"

"You did, Doyle" Tom said with a smile, a smile that faded as he saw Maggie's attention fall on the photographs again. Swallowing tightly, Tom took a deep breath. This wasn't going to be easy.

"His name's PJ. PJ Hasham."


	23. Chapter 24

"PJ Hasham." Maggie tried it out for size, the name rolling of her tongue. "P. J. Hasham"

Zoe watched her.

"It – he… PJ Hasham. I -"

"You remember?"

The hope in Tom's voice was almost too much for Maggie.

"Boss, I – the name, it's Boss, there's nothing there. No face. No memories, no – it's like a complete blank. And judging by the looks on your faces, I should remember him. The feelings I was having last night, the feeling that someone was missing – you say it's this PJ Hasham?"

Tom was astounded. This was most definitely not what he had been expecting. He looked between her and Zoe, unable to understand what was happening. PJ was their trump card, the key to unlocking it all. He was the one person that Tom had been sure would snap Maggie back into being – well, Maggie.

Zoe was watching Maggie, and after a few moments, began to speak in a very careful and gentle manner.

"Maggie – " she paused, and then decided to dive right in, just hoping that the idea which was taking hold was right. "Maggie, your boys"

"What about them?" Maggie was instantly defensive. It was all very well finding out about herself, who she was and who she could be, but that was about her. Abut Maggie. Her boys didn't come into it. They were to be protected and shielded at all costs. They were innocent in all of this. Maggie had always sworn that her boys came first in anything and everything.

"Well, their father – "

"What about him?" Maggie demanded. "What does he have to do with this?"

"You loved him?"

Maggie was on her feet in seconds, anger flashing across her face. "Of course I did. Rick and I were happy together. He – we – it was perfect. We were so happy, and – and then – he's dead, Zoe. Rick's dead, so leave him out of this".

Zoe glanced over at Tom. The flash of emotion, of anger, of – of whatever it was, it only confirmed the fact that the love was still there. The love that Maggie felt for the father of her twins – for PJ.

"Maggie – "

"No. No, I'm not talking about the boys, or their father. I want to know about this PJ. I want to know why you think I should remember him. Why he's so obviously a part of all of this, such a good friend of you all – and I can't remember a single thing about him. Not a single thing. I can't remember what he looks like, his voice, his eyes – anything." Maggie said, frustration screaming from every word.

"And Rick? Do you remember him?" Zoe said quietly.

"Zoe, I told you, leave Rick out of this. He has nothing to do with this. He's – " Maggie stopped swinging round to stare at Zoe. "What are you saying"

"Maggie – " Tom stood up, moving over to Maggie.

Maggie just glared at him, frustration and fear rising like daggers. "What's she saying Tom? What is she trying to say? " Spinning round to face Zoe again, "What are you trying to say? Why are you asking about Rick, what – Zoe, what is it?"

"Maggie, I'm – " Zoe tried, worried at how pale Maggie had become.

"What are you saying about Rick?" Maggie practically yelled, before wrapping her arms tightly around her and moving away from them, over to the corner of the room. Her head was spinning with thoughts that she didn't want to examine too carefully. Why were they asking about Rick? Why him? They didn't even know him, they couldn't have. He was her husband, her son's father. He was nothing to do with Mount Thomas, or her supposed past, or this PJ.

PJ.

Why didn't he spark any memories? Why everyone else, but not him? And Rick, why had she - what - ……….

Zoe would never know how she managed to get across the room and catch Maggie as her legs began to give way, shock and confusion thrumming though her soul. "Rick….." Maggie whispered, looking up at Zoe and Tom, who was kneeling down beside her.

"He's not real is he?"


	24. Chapter 25

"Say that again" Nick demanded, his face going white when he finally let the answer sink in. "Oh my god. Oh. My. God." He leant against the wall, trying to take it all in. The tinny voice of his wife had just let him into the secret; just let him know the truth.

Maggie Doyle was alive. Margaret Doyle, the one and only Doyley, was alive and kicking after all of this time.

"How's Zoe?" PJ said, passing through in search of another beer. Nick almost dropped the phone in surprise, trying determinedly not to let PJ see his face. PJ just grinned, imagining all sorts of things. He knew how much Nick loved his wife, and how much he was missing her – and judging by Nick's flushed face, exactly how very much he was missing the lovely - but clearly insane - Zoe.

"That baby still not born? Geez mate, what is she, crossing her legs or something? Ok, ok," PJ's grin widened when he got no reaction from his best friend, save for Nick burying his face even further into his shoulder. "Ok, I'll leave you alone. Just keep the smut to a tolerable level. I know you're missing Zoe, but there's a limit that my poor ears can take." PJ teased.

Nick managed a nod, watching as PJ settled back onto the couch, beer in one hand, and the last slice of pizza in the other. Once his attention was firmly routed back on the TV, and the dubious choices that the footy referee was making, Nick knew he was free to talk to Zoe.

Really talk to her.

"Sorry. That was PJ. We're watching the footy, or rather he is. Zo, what is this? What's going on? Are you sure it's her? Really sure?"

From the other end of the line, Zoe sighed. This had been the call she had been dreading. She'd lain awake the previous night, picturing this conversation over and over again in her mind. "Nick, it's her. There's no doubt. She's had severe amnesia, and someone has built up a series of memories for her. She seems to remember us, or – well, she says it's like she can remember someone called Maggie Doyle, and some of the life that this 'Maggie' led, but it doesn't seem - " Zoe tailed off with a long sigh. There was a silence, and then Nick had to strain to hear his wife's voice. "It's her."

"So what does she remember?" Nick asked, his eyes never leaving the form of his best friend, innocently watching Collingwood win the footy.

"It's not that she remembers, more that she knew there was something wrong. Something not quite right with her life, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. D'you know what I mean?" Zoe said softly.

Nick nodded, before he remembered that Zoe couldn't see him. "Sorry sweetheart. Yes, yes I do know what you mean. Well, I don't, but I can imagine it. She must have had the fright of her life when you two turned up."

"She didn't recognize us at first. Well, not really. She says it's like dreams or something. Anyway, whatever it is, it's her. She's Maggie Doyle, and she knows that now. She remembers fragments of both of us, and of the others at the station, even Chris. But – " again Zoe stopped, knowing that what she was about to say would crush PJ.

Nick heard the sadness in her voice, the hesitation. "Zoe, what is it?"

"Nick, she doesn't remember him. Not a single thing. She thought she was married to someone called Rick, but at least she now knows that's not true. She knows about PJ, but she doesn't remember him. Not a single thing. The rest of us, she has flashes, but her memories of Peej have drawn a blank. Complete blank."

"She doesn't remember him?"

Zoe sighed, lying back on her bed one arm tucked behind her head. "Not a thing. Nothing. And those boys of hers, Nick – "

"Boys?" came Nick's voice in her ear. "Zoe, what do you mean boys?"

"Sweetheart, I – "Zoe stopped. It was all such a mess, she thought. Such a complete and utter mess.

"Zo?" Nick whispered. "Zoe, what's wrong? Are you all right? Do you need me up there? You know I'd be there in a heartbeat if you need me, you know that, don't you?"

And in the midst of it all, Zoe smiled. "You're a good man Nick Shultz, and I love you to pieces – and no, I won't tell any of them that" she smiled again, picturing his face.

"Love you too, Mrs Schultz. Love you too. Now. These boys?" Nick gently steered the conversation back on course.

"Maggie's a mum, Nick. She must have been pregnant before she died – left…whatever it was, she's a mum. She had twins, Tom and Joe. She doesn't know where she got the names from, but to me it's pretty obvious. Tom after our Tom, or maybe after Mount Thomas, and Joe – "

"Patrick Joseph" Nick said, seeing it all. "They're his?" he asked, and it was more than a statement that a question.

"What're mine?" PJ asked, curiosity written all over his face. "Don't look at me like that mate, I don't even KNOW this woman and her baby. You tell Zoe that, this baby isn't mine" he grinned. "I know the ladies would be queuing up if my heart was free, but it's not, and won't ever be, so this baby and it's mum are nothing to do with me." He grinned, trying to hold back his laughter at the stunned expression on Nick's face – and failing miserably.

When Nick showed no signs of laughing along with him, PJ's laughter subsided. "Come on mate, I was joking." Nick's face was growing paler by the second, and his throat was dry. "Joking mate. Funny? Ha-ha? Nick? Nick, what is it? What's wrong?"

PJ leant forward and took the phone from Nick. "Zoe? What's wrong? Nick's gone as white as a sheet, and he's doing his 'roo trapped in the headlights thing. Talk to me – " Nick suddenly wrestled the phone back from PJ, his burst of laughter as false as it was long.

"Yeah, ah right. Funny. Good one that." He tried, but now PJ was worried.

"Nick, what's going on?"

Zoe sat up, running a tired hand across her face. "Put him on Nick. I think we have to tell him."


	25. Chapter 26

"Zoe, I – " Nick knew she was right, but how the hell was he going to do it? How was he supposed to turn and tell his friend that the woman who still held his heart, the woman whom he had devoted his life to – even though she was dead – was alive? That Maggie Doyle, the other half of the Dynamic Duo, was alive and not only that, but she was the mother of his twin sons?

How the hell was he supposed to do that, Nick asked himself, and found no reply. The thing was, he had to do it. Had to tell PJ, because the man in question was standing right behind him, his concern for Nick, and for whatever it was Nick was going through, palpable in the room. The footy was forgotten, PJ's sole concern now was to find out what on earth was going on, and Nick's sole concern was finding the words to tell him.

"Nick?" PJ gently reached up and took the phone from his pre-occupied friend. "Zoe, it's PJ. Look, Nick's fine, he's just – "PJ paused, before opting for the truth. "He looks like he's got something on his mind. Listen, I'll talk to him, and get him to phone you back in a little while. He'll be fine Zo, don't worry about him, he'll be fine"

At her end of the line, Zoe couldn't help but grin, shaking her head in exasperation, the whole situation spiraling out of control. Here was PJ trying to get Nick to talk about what was worrying him, when the very thing that was worrying him was how to tell PJ that – Zoe gave up trying to sort it out in her mind. "PJ, you're a good man. Nick's lucky to have you as a friend, and you're lucky to have him."

"Ok, now I'm even more worried. You're being nice to me Zoe, and that's unheard of," PJ joked, trying to lighten the moment, trying to alleviate what he imagined were Zoe's worries about Nick. "Leave him to me, Zoe, I'll talk to him about whatever it is that's tied him in knots, and report back, ok?"

"Ok. You - you talk to him. And remember, I'm just on the other end of the line if you need me" Zoe said, her voice soft, wishing she could be there with Nick. Wishing she could hold him tight, reassure him, help him choose the right words as he opened hell once again for PJ. Opened hell, and – hopefully – found the only way out that PJ had ever wanted.

PJ hung up, and turned to find Nick watching him, a series of emotions playing across his face momentarily, before he settled himself back into - well, what PJ had only ever been able to describe as 'Nickness'. A smirk, a smile, loyalty and curiosity all wrapped into one giant best friend – someone who PJ had missed a lot more than he had thought he had.

"So. Sit down Shultz. Sit down and talk to Uncle Peej'" Pj said, pushing Nick to wards the kitchen table, and tossing him a beer as Nick sat down. Opening the bottle, Nick gratefully guzzled almost two thirds of it. "Whoa, slow down there, mate, it can't be that bad!" PJ said, watching as Nick drank the last of the bottle.

"Mate," Nick ran the back of his hand across his mouth, the words, the explanation still eluding him. "I – "

PJ's blue eyes narrowed. This - this was, whatever it was, it was big. Nick was rarely speechless, he had a quip for each and every occasion. He was the joker of the pack, the words to suit the moment, the way around everything. The only time he'd ever really seen Nick this tongue-tied was when Maggie –

"Nick, is Zoe ok? Is – mate, do you need to go up there? This woman and her baby, she's not real is she, there's something wrong with Zoe, and you've stayed down here to stop me going off my head about Mags, when you should have been with the woman you love, mate, I'm so sorry - " PJ couldn't have stopped if he'd tried. His heart was breaking for Nick, whatever was wrong with Zoe, they treasured him enough as a friend, as part of the family to put him first and to try to put him back together instead of dealing with their own situation first. PJ had never felt both so honoured, and so gutted before.

"PJ, stop. Just stop, ok?" Nick stood, and wandered over to the sink, the clink of the glass as he set the beer bottle down, loud against the sudden silence. He turned, finding that PJ too had risen to his feet, and was standing near enough to be supportive, but far enough not to invade Nick's space. Nick sighed.

"Sit down PJ."


	26. Chapter 27

27

Maggie sat down, the idea had crept up on her and the more she thought about it, the more she began to believe it. Rick, the man she had believed to be her husband, the man they had told her was her husband, he wasn't real. He hadn't existed. The look on Tom and Zoe's faces had confirmed what she was saying, the look –

"This PJ, he – " Maggie swallowed, her throat suddenly very dry. "He meant something to me, didn't he? He – we – " her eyes drifted to the long line of photo's arranged across the mantelpiece and it all began to fall into place. "He's their father. This PJ, he's their father. He – Tom, I – he's their father, isn't he?"

It was all Tom could do to nod, Zoe sitting silently beside him.

For a moment there was silence, and the Maggie couldn't stand it any more. "I – PJ and I – he's their father" she repeated herself, before standing, frustration evident in every move. "Maggie Dale – Doyle " she corrected herself, " and PJ – "

"Hasham" Zoe filled in quietly.

"And you'd think I'd know that. Or remember it. You'd think I'd remember the man who fathered my children. You'd think that, wouldn't you?" she said, standing, pacing around the room. "Do they look like him? Is there anything of him in them? Tom, I – why can't I – did I love him? Did, this PJ, did he love me? Or - was it just a one off, was that why I left - "

Zoe stood, moving over to her, but Maggie restlessly brushed off her concern. Glancing back at Tom, he read the request in Zoe's eyes and took her place. Standing behind Maggie, he gently placed his hands on her shoulders, turning her to face him.

"Maggie. You and PJ, you were made for each other. You and he – I've never seen two people more suited to each other, more in love with each other. PJ loved you. He absolutely adored you. You should have seen those blue eyes of his light up when you came into the room. And the way you smiled when you saw him – I really have no idea why I didn't spot it before I did. You were crafty though, you pair. Kept it hidden from us all. You had Dash running round in circles – " he led Maggie back to the sofa, sitting down with her, gently wrapping an arm around her as she listened to him.

"Dash was convinced you and PJ were together, or at least you were interested in each other, but you never once gave any indication of how you felt. You two snuck around behind our backs and apparently had great fun doing so. " He smiled down at her, placing a careful kiss on the top of her head. "Maggie, believe me, you and PJ, it wasn't a one off. If you hadn't – " he shook his head, unable to believe he was about to say this, "if you hadn't died, I reckon you two would have been married by now." Maggie sat up, looking Tom in the eye, her confusion breaking his heart.

"What happened to me? Why did you all think I was dead? And why did I think I was – why am I here – " she looked around the room, taking it all in, this life that had been made up for her, fabricated for her. "Why did he let me go?"

"Maggie, he didn't. PJ never let you go. He still hasn't, he still loves you," Zoe said softly. "But he thinks you're dead. He watched you die, he held you in his arms as you died." Maggie's already pale face paled even further as Zoe's words sank in, and neither Tom not Zoe made a move to stop her as she stood.

"I – I'll be back in a minute, I just need – " Tom stood, watching as she moved down the corridor to the twins room, following her and watching as she stood and gazed down at her sons. "I'm all right," she whispered, sensing him there. "PJ, he – "

"He loved you Maggie."

"Then why can't I remember him?" she sobbed silently, a tear trailing its way down her face and on to Joe's blanket. "Why have I blocked him out so completely?"

"I don't know. I honestly don't know," Tom said sadly. "Maybe it hurt too much, maybe you just miss him so much that him not being here was too much to handle and your mind just blocked him out." He reached over and took Maggie's hand, leading her out of the boys room and back to the lounge.

"But I – well, I think I loved you all as well, it feels like you were all family too, and I'm remembering you lot, but he's still a blank. If we were so good together, me and Peej, then why can't I remember him?"

Tom stilled for a second, risking a glance over at Zoe, who's eyes were glistening. "Remember who?"

"PJ. You heard me, Tom. If PJ and I were so in love, so in tune, how come I've blocked him so completely? If Peej and I snuck around, did from you guys, then we had to have some pretty intense feelings to risk everything like that, so – "

"Maggie," Tom swallowed, hope sneaking up and embedding itself in his heart. "Who's Peej?"

"Peej? Boss, what are you on about, you know who it is, Peej is…." Her voice tapered off. "Peej is PJ. I called him Peej. I – I do know him. I – I do feel something for…..for him. I – Tom – I – there's something there. I just – I can't see him. Can't picture him at all. I – she sighed, the emotions catching up with her as a snuffle was heard from the baby monitor.

Silence invaded the room for a while, as Maggie tried to make sense of everything that was happening to her world. Tom smiled slightly as Maggie sat down next to him again, allowing him to wrap her in a hug.

"Listen, why don't we all step back from this for a while. You take the boys for a walk, and Zoe and I will go back to the hotel and – well, we'll just go back to the hotel. The footy's on tonight anyway, and you know those Pies are going to l – "

"Win" grinned Maggie, knowing, just knowing that this was most definitely a familiar argument. "You're never going to listen, are you? No matter what PJ and I say, you're never going to accept that the Pies are going to win the final?" and her grin widened as she realised what she'd said, as she realised that another memory had slotted into place. She and this PJ – this admittedly faceless PJ – teasing the Boss about his poor choice in footy teams. "Thanks Boss. I – thanks," she managed, before reaching over to wrap him in a hug.


	27. Chapter 28

28

"Nick, you're really beginning to scare me now. What's happened? Is Zoe ok? Listen mate, I can do without you at the station if you want to – " PJ stopped as Nick raised his hand.

"Mate, please, sit down. I need to talk to you about something" he said. PJ looked at Nick, really looked at him, taking in the worry that was written all across his face. Something was very, very wrong. He pulled out a chair and sat down, just as Nick rose to his feet, unable to sit still as he let PJ in on the truth.

"PJ, I – " he stopped, his throat dry. Grabbing a glass from the cupboard, he poured himself a glass of water, swallowing it down in one gulp.

By now PJ's mind was working in overdrive, scenario after scenario flashing through his mind, each one worse than the previous one. It was most definitely not helped by Nick's apparent reluctance to talk.

"Nick. Talk to me, please. Just tell me. Whatever it is, I can help you."

Nick took a deep breath, and sat down opposite PJ.

"Zoe and the Boss, there's no baby, and Tom's not off seeing Susan. They're – ah – they found Maggie. She's still alive, mate. Maggie's alive'"

PJ's face went white before darkening in anger. "Not funny mate. Not even the remotest bit funny. You don't use Mags to get out of talking to me. I can't believe you even thought of using her like that. Don't you – if you don't want to tell me what ever it is that's bugging you, then don't, but don't you ever – " by now he was standing, towering over a seated Nick, his blue eyes flashing with fire, "EVER use Maggie like that" he spat out, fury rolling off him in waves. He stared down at Nick for a moment longer, before the need for air drove him out of the room, the kitchen door slamming behind him.

Nick leaned back in his chair, running a hand though his hair. "Well, that went well," he said. "Zoe, sweetheart, how do I do this?" he thought to himself, watching as PJ stood in the garden, hands jammed deep in his pockets, staring up into the night sky, shoulders set in anger, his whole body tense with fury.

'I cannot – I can't – how could he? How – 'PJ was speechless, pain, anger, a whole myriad of emotions chasing each other through his mind. Maggie. His Maggie. She was dead, he told himself – DEAD – and here was Nick, his supposed best mate Nick, saying that Zoe – that they'd – that she was – the urge to punch something, to hit out at something was almost too much, and it was all he could do not to give in to it.

A voice from behind startled him.

"Its true, PJ. She's alive"

It was too much for PJ, and he swung around, his fist connecting with Nick's jaw, causing Nick to stumble backwards against the house. Moving forward, PJ stood over Nick, and for a second there, Nick was afraid, for a second there Nick saw the pain that PJ had gone through, and was still suffering.

"I said, " PJ said, his voice dark with pain. "I said you don't get to say that. You don't get to go there. She's DEAD Nick. It just about killed me to accept that the first time, and now you think you can go and say – and say - " Standing up very carefully, hands outstretched placatingly in front of him, Nick moved around behind PJ, wrapping his arms around him, waiting until the fight went out of him. "You can't say that Nick, please, don't do this to me," he whispered. "I can't go through it again"

Nick led PJ back inside, and they sat down at the table again. PJ drew a deep shuddering breath, rubbing a shaking hand over his face. Nick's words had scared him, had shaken him to the very core. He knew how PJ had felt when Maggie died, how close PJ had come to joining her at his own hand, and how long it had taken PJ to begin to heal. Nick KNEW all of that, so what the hell did he think he was doing by saying what he was? What the hell did he think he was doing, saying all of that? Saying Maggie was alive? How could he be so cruel?

"It's true"

PJ stilled. He was still saying it, Nick was still – PJ's blue eyes finally focused, and Nick felt his breath hitch as PJ looked up at him. The fear, the confusion – the sheer terror that he saw, Nick knew he had to tread carefully if PJ was going to cope.


	28. Chapter 29

These last two - and probably the next few - chapters have been the most tricky ones to plan out and write. Ok, so the planning wasn't that hard, I know what I want to happen, but the writing, the actually getting my ideas out of my head and onto the page...not fun, let me tell you. What you are seeing is about Version 10, at least. Anywho, I finally decided to expose you to it, after my trusty word tweaker Rosa gave it the go ahead, and if she could get what i was trying to write ( and she's not even a Heelers fan!), I thought you lot might too. So, read on, and hope it all makes sense.

And yes, Helen, THAT Rosa, our Esteemed Rosa of the Arrowage!!

C

29

"It's true. Maggie's alive, PJ. She's alive. The Boss and Zoe are up with her now." Nick said quietly, his eyes never leaving PJ's blue eyes, desperate for PJ to take it in, for him to begin to understand.

"Nick – " PJ's voice was hoarse, "Nick, don't – "

"PJ, I know. Believe me, I know how hard this is to hear. I know how much you loved her, and I know how close you came when you lost her. And you have to know that I would never say this unless it was true. I would never hurt you like that, and neither would Zoe or Tom. You know that. She's alive, PJ. Maggie's alive." Nick's voice got stronger as he spoke.

A single tear found it's way from PJ's blue eyes as he fought against his emotions. Nick was still saying it, repeating over and over again that Maggie was alive. That his Mags, his beloved Maggie was alive. Alive. PJ's hand began to shake as he started to let the words sink in, his hands began to shake, followed by the rest of his body, and he couldn't stay still. Pacing the room, he didn't let himself look at Nick, couldn't let himself look at his best friend, the idea that what he was saying might be true, was too great to trust.

"Nick, - " he tried. "N – what – "

"She's alive, and Zoe says she looks healthy and happy. She's up in a city just outside Sydney, working in an office. She – " Nick swallowed, knowing how far fetched it was all going to sound. "She has amnesia. Doesn't remember a thing. She didn't know the Boss and Zo when they found her, and …." His voice tailed away as he realised exactly how much his words were going to hurt PJ.

"She doesn't remember me" PJ finished for him, feeling his heart break a thousand times more.

"No." Nick said softly. "Not yet"

PJ took a deep breath, once again running a hand over his face as he desperately tried to keep hold of everything that was going on. Maggie was alive. Alive, he repeated to himself. Alive.

"What happened?" he whispered. "She – she died – and now you're telling me – "

"I don't know what happened, I can only tell you what Zoe's told me."

"Which is?"

Nick took a deep breath before beginning.

"Remember last week when that idiot Christophe came in?"

"What's that idiot got to do with anything?" PJ said, "If he did anything – "

"Relax, it wasn't him. Mate, we still don't know what actually happened to her, all I know is how they found her." Nick said calmly, knowing he had to stay in control for PJ's sake.

"She's alive. Mags is alive." PJ said, his need to reassurance evident in the way he couldn't quite grasp the fact that he had been handed his life back on a plate, that his future –

"You said she doesn't remember me. What – Nick, what if she doesn't want me, if – "

"Mate, you don't need to worry about that." Nick said with a conviction he wasn't sure he felt. "For some odd reason, our Margaret adored you, and I have no doubt that she will fall for the old Hasham charms all over again once she sees that ugly mug of yours. Zoe says she's having little memory flashbacks as it is, and like I said, that ugly mug of yours will be all she needs."

PJ sat back against the chair, his head falling back as he stared up at the ceiling. He had to believe what Nick was saying, had too – because any other option was too much to handle. The very idea that she couldn't – wouldn't remember him – he swallowed against the rising panic, forcing himself to concentrate.

"How did they find her?"

"Right. Christophe, that little moron that came waltzing into the station the other day, remember? The day, the anniver – " Nick stopped.

"The anniversary of the day she died. The day we thought she died, the – " PJ stopped.

"I'll keep going shall I?" Nick managed a grin as PJ glared at him, a smile following shortly afterwards.

"You do that Shultzy boy. You do that"

And just for a moment there, for a tiny, miniscule moment, the old PJ was back, the old cheeky, impossibly mischievous Hasham grin was back.

"So, Christophe the cretin came in to report a shooting, and it just so happens that his mum came in too. And the little brother, who's not - well, he's different, shall we say. Anyway, the Boss took them into the office, and it turns out that Maggie is their next door neighbour when they're at home. Luka, the son, is very attached to her, and he adores the bo – "

"The what?"


	29. Chapter 30

30

Maggie slowly wheeled the boys around the edge of the playground for the second time, completely engrossed in her own thoughts. PJ Hasham. Detective Hasham, actually. Tall, blue eyed and with dark hair, if the boys were anything to go by. Friendly, liked a laugh and good at his job, according to Tom and Zoe.

Suppressing a scream, Maggie sighed. If this PJ was so perfect, such a good man, and if she had loved him so much – and he had loved her too, by all accounts – then why couldn't she remember him? What the hell was it that was stopping her from remembering what had to have been the most important person in her life?

It wasn't until she felt a hand on the handle of the pram that she stopped, instinct stepping in as she grabbed the hand and bent it back, protecting herself and her boys. A yelp of pain brought her to her senses, and she looked up to see Dan grimacing in pain.

"Dan, oh hell, Dan, I'm sorry!! I was miles away then. Are you all right?"

Dan gave a grin, flexing his hand. "Fine Mel. No real damage, but I wouldn't like to meet you on a dark night! "

Maggie smiled at him, her smile widening as he squatted down to say hello to the boys, shaking their hands and making them giggle as he then proceeded to tickle them.

"Haven't seen you for a few days, Mel, someone said you were ill? You look better now though." He said, straightening up and smiling at Maggie.

Maggie was silent for a moment, wanting to step back from it all, to take a break from the confusion that had been waging war in her head since Tom and Zoe had arrived three days ago. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a bit of a tummy bug, is all."

"Good – well not good that you've been ill, but good that you're better now, if you know what I mean." Dan said, before looking more closely at her. "Except that you're not better are you?"

"Hm?" Maggie looked up at him.

"You're not better. Don't take this the wrong way, but you look terrible."

"Thanks 'friend'" Maggie laughed, her smile falling away as Dan stayed quiet." Yeah, well, ok, so maybe I'm not brilliant, but I don't want to talk about it."

"Sure?" Dan prompted, as Joe began struggling in the pram, tired of sitting still. He wanted to get out of there, to go and play with his football on the grass with Tom. Dan looked down at them. "You let them out, and I'll go and get us some coffee" he said, and he was gone before Maggie had a chance to respond.

Ten minutes later, when he came back with two large coffees, the boys were running around happily in the fenced grassy area. Dan took a moment before sitting down, looking over at Maggie, seeing the way her shoulders were tight, her hands nervously picked at an imaginary thread on her jeans, and her eyes stared off into the distance.

"Mel?"

Maggie didn't reply, her old name no longer registering with her. It was funny, all of this, everything that was happening to her – she just knew it was true. She wasn't Mel Draper, widow of Rick, mother of Tom and Joe. She wasn't an office worker, living a quiet life in a sheltered suburb. No, she was someone else all together. She was Maggie Doyle. Ex policewoman, ex Mt Thomas, ex-lover of PJ Hasham. A whole other life, that still didn't feel real, but didn't feel wrong.

"Hey!" Dan nudged her gently, sitting down next to her and waving the coffee under her nose. "You look like you need to talk"

Maggie threw her head back, a tired laugh surprising Dan. "Talk? Talk? I've had enough of talking. It's all I've done for the past three days. Talk, listen, have my world turned upside down. I do not want to talk, believe you me!" she said, almost snatching the coffee from Dan, and flinching when the hot liquid hit the back of her throat.

"Mel?" Dan said, carefully putting his coffee down under the bench, before carefully reaching over and wrapping Maggie in a hug. "Shh, it'll be ok, whatever it is."

Maggie let herself be held for a few moments, before sitting up again. "That's the problem," she said softly. "That's the whole thing. It won't be all right. Or at least not all right like it used to be."

"Mel?"

"Maggie."

"What?" Dan asked, confused by now.

"My name's not Mel, it's Maggie. Maggie Doyle" Maggie said.

Back at the hotel, Tom stood by the window as Zoe sat on the bed behind him. Maggie wasn't the only one to have found the past three days draining, Tom was exhausted, mentally and physically. He'd hardly slept the night before, an idea having come to him in the middle of the night, and refusing to leave.

"Zoe?"

Smothering a yawn, Zoe looked over at Tom. "Mm?"

"What if she doesn't want to come home? What if it's all too much, and she decides to stay here, to keep going with the life she's built here?"

"She won't." Zoe said firmly.

"How do you know?" Tom said skeptically, "She's got everything set up here, a house, a good job, the boys are settled in – "

"PJ's not here."

"But she can't remember him, she can remember us, and if he's not important enough to remember, what – "

"Tom, listen to me. She needs to be wherever PJ is, and he needs to be with her. You saw them before all this, what they had – have – it's unbreakable. Once they see each other, and work through all of this, they'll be back together. And besides, this, all of this, it doesn't suit her, not Maggie. It suits Mel, but she's not Mel. She's Maggie, and I think that's beginning to set in."

"You really think so?" Tom said, hope sparking in his eyes as he came over to sit next to Zoe.

"I really think so, Boss" Zoe said, wrapping an arm around Tom and giving him a brief hug. "Now, I seem to remember a certain shop that rather caught your eye yesterday, something about extra large Vanilla Slices in the front window?"

"Wow. That's – well, that's a lot to take in." Dan said, leaning back against the bench, watching the twins chase each other around.

"You're telling me!" Maggie said, a small smile gracing her lips. "The thing is, I don't know what to do now."

Dan glanced over at her. "You don't?"

"I – the , Dan, the boys are settled here, I've got a good job here, my life is here. All this, everything Tom and Zoe have told me, it's all in the past – "

"Except it's not, is it? You're having to work really hard to convince yourself, but it's not working. You want to go back, to – you want this PJ."

"But I don't remember him. How can I feel like this if I can't remember him?" Maggie bit back a tear.

"Feel like what?" Dan said gently.

"Like he's the one person who can answer everything? Like everything's wrong without him, like – "

"Mummy?" Joe's tiny voice silenced her. "Mummy crying? Hug?" he said, reaching out over the fence, wrapping his small arms around her in an effort to make her feel better, while Tom, having watched his brother's gesture, leant over the fence as well, gently patting Maggie's head. Joe drew back from Maggie, and when she smiled back at her sons, the lure of their football was eventually too strong, and Maggie and Dan were left smiling at them from the bench.

"You need to get this sorted out. You need to go and see this PJ, because until you talk to him, until you actually see the man, you're never going to know for sure how you feel. Mel – sorry, Maggie, you and this PJ, you obviously had something strong – either that or something really volatile, otherwise you wouldn't be blocking it out so much" Dan said with a smile. "And judging by your indignant expression, I'd go with the first one. I reckon you were nuts about the guy, and he loved you just as much – and you're scared it won't be the same when you meet up with him."

Maggie paled slightly, Dan's words ringing true in her heart.

"Mags, you have to go and see – "

"Don't call me Mags, no-one calls me Mags except PJ" Maggie snapped, before gasping in surprise. "Mags, he – Dan, PJ calls me Mags" and a radiant smile found it's way across her face, but you would have to have blinked to have seen it. She ran a hand through her hair with a sigh, leaning back against the bench. "I – Dan, out of all of them, Peej is the one I can remember the least, and that scares the hell out of me. Surely he should be the one I remember the most?"

"Maybe," Dan said, "But you not remembering isn't a bad thing. If it was me, I'd lean more towards the idea that what you had with him was so special, so strong that, like I said before, you're scared of remembering it and it not being as good as you'd thought, so you've blocked it out."

Maggie let his words sink in, before opening one eye and squinted up at him, the sunlight bright in her eyes. "I'm going to have to see him, aren't I?"


	30. Chapter 31

"Nick' exasperation and exhaustion was beginning to show through in PJ's tone." Nick, don't just stop like that. You have to tell me everything. You can't just stop in the middle of a sentence. What is it? Who does this Luka adore?"

PJ leaned forward, his hands tightly wound around the glass in front of him. His mind was racing, his heart beating faster than it had any right to, and his breathing short and shallow. Maggie is alive. The thought chased itself around and around in his mind, and still it wouldn't take root.

"Nick, she's alive?"

Once again, Nick nodded. "She's alive mate. And – well, PJ, she's a mother. She's got two boys, they're gorgeous according to Zoe, but you know me and kids, couldn't eat a whole one…" he tried, the joke falling flat as he caught sight of PJ's face.

"She's - kids? She – " he drew an intensely painful breath. "She moved on. She's got someone else" and Nick moved the glass from PJ's now white-knuckled hands. "She – "

"Stop right there Patrick. Stop jumping in feet first and let me finish."

PJ couldn't sit still, standing and pacing the room, before turning and glaring at Nick. He had a right to be – to feel what he was feeling whatever it is.

"Don't you dare lecture me Nick. You don't get to lecture me. How the hell do you think it feels to find out that she's alive, that – that Mags is ALIVE, and then to hear that she's not only alive, but that she's moved on and forgotten about me and has another man and kids with him? The Maggie I knew wouldn't do that, she loved me as much as I love her, and she wouldn't have been able to move on, but this woman – are you even really sure it's her? It might be someone else, someone who wouldn't – or maybe she didn't love me like she said, maybe she just - "

Nick rose, swallowing down his fury at PJ's words. "You need to shut up right now PJ, before you say something that you're really going to regret. You KNOW she loved you, and only you – and you know that she was in it for the long haul. There was only ever you, PJ, and you damn well know it. At least give her that respect." Nick said, his voice dark with anger. "Now sit down and let me finish."

PJ ran his hand over his face, shame invading him when his words set in. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't – she loved me, I do know that. It's just – I feel like I'm drowning here, Nick. I can't take it all in. She's – she's alive. Maggie is alive. My Mags – Nick, I need to see her. I need to - mate, where is she? What happened?"

Nick waited until PJ had sat down again, before telling him everything that he knew. Maggie was alive, she was Mel, but she wasn't. She was an office worker in a town north of Sydney, 'happy' with the life she had – the only life she knew. Still single, but –

"She's a mother, mate, like I said. She's got two little boys, twins, and they're fifteen months old. Tom and Joe, Zoe said. Cute as a button apparently, luckily enough for them, seeing as they've inherited their father's looks. Blue eyes and dark hair apparently, and an unhealthy appetite for spicy food and an adoration for lemon cheesecake." Nick smiled, watching it sink in.

"They're – mate, what are you saying? They're mine? Maggie's boys – I'm a dad?"

Nick nodded, before sitting back and giving PJ the time he needed for it all to become real.

"She – my Mags - I'm a dad – what did you call - " PJ paused, and Nick filled in the gaps.

"Tom and Joe. Zoe says Margaret has no idea why she chose the names, apparently they just appealed to her, but I'd say it's pretty damn obvious, wouldn't you? I mean Tom, after Mt Thomas, or the Boss, and Joe – well Joe is after you. Even the name of her supposed husband – who isn't real, by the way – was Rick, which I reckon was also after you, don't you?"

"Husband? I thought you said she – "

"Honestly Patrick, we're not going to get anywhere if you don't listen are we?" Nick admonished. "She has amnesia. Our Margaret can't remember a damn thing about us all, well, nothing important anyway. Apparently she remembers snoring, and - " Nick flushed slightly, "Well, she remembers being held as she slept, and but she's told Zo that she was always so confused, because whenever she looked at her wedding album, she couldn't feel anything for her so-called husband, but she did have shadowy memories about someone that she loved very, very much. So you WERE there all the time PJ, just bubbling below the surface, or something."

PJ smiled at Nick's expression, best friend he may be, but talking about love and that sort of 'mushy stuff' as Nick so often put it, well it didn't sit well with him.

"So?"

Nick's voice woke him from his reverie. "So what?"

"So when do we leave?"

A cold clamp of fear encircled PJ's heart for a second. Maggie. His Maggie was still alive. Still warm, breathing, and alive. Still out there.

"Nick, you – " PJ took a deep breath against a dry throat. "You said she couldn't remember me? That she's having flashbacks or whatever, and she's getting snippets of you guys, but not a single thing about me?"

Nick sighed, hating that part of it. He couldn't understand it either. Surely PJ would have been the first thing that she remembered, the first and mot powerful memory to come back?

"That's – well, that's what Zoe says. I'm not going to pretend to understand it, but if you're thinking of not going up to see her because of that, you're a weaker man than I thought. This is Mags, PJ, your Mags."

"I know it is," PJ snapped. "Sorry mate, it's just – " his voice tailed off as the fear grew. I – I loved – love" he corrected himself, "I love her so much, and for her not to be able to remember me – it hurts Nick."

"Which is why you have to talk to her" Nick said again.

PJ leant back in his seat. Ever since Nick had told him, ever since he'd found out that Mags was still alive, PJ had been terrified. Terrified that the memories he'd survived on for the past two years had been wrong. That Maggie hadn't remembered him because he hadn't been as important to her as he had thought. That she hadn't relied on seeing him to be able to get through the day as he had with her. That seeing his smile hadn't been the highlight of her day, that – that she - that she hadn't loved him as much as he loved her.

"PJ, don't do this to yourself. Margaret loved you. She – mate, you were it for her. It's obvious now, and how we didn't see it then, I'll never know. But don't you doubt it, she loved you as much as you loved her. It's as simple as that. And as for her not remembering – have you ever considered that seeing you will be all that she needs? Maybe she's blocked it out for the same reasons you are? Maybe she's terrified that you don't love her as much as she thought you did? Maybe she just needs to see those big blue eyes of yours and she'll turn to mush and remember everything? I don't know, but what I DO know is that you have to get off your backside and go and see her. You and Maggie, you belong together, and you owe it to yourselves to sort this out, so get up and start packing, because – " Nick stood up and moved over to the phone, pulling the phonebook out and opening it at the travel agency page, "I'm booking us a flight for tonight'.


	31. Chapter 32

"So, how d'you reckon Buckley'll do then? Going to be a tough match against the Cat's, but I reckon we might be in with a chance" PJ said as the flight attendant made her way down the aisle checking that everyone's seatbelts were fastened. "Yeah, the Cat's are on a roll, but we might be able to get somewhere, we've got a good team, and, and we stand a chance …" he tailed off as he felt Nick's eyes on him.

"Don't Nick, ok? Just don't. I can't think about it. I – " PJ took a deep breath. " Mags – she's alive and I'm - " he stopped again, willing himself to go on. " I'm terrified Nick. I am so terrified that she won't remember me, or that she won't want me, and I get so bloody scared that I want to get off this plane and at the same time I just want to be there, I just want to hold her, and tell her how much I love her, and when I think about it all, I can't stop shaking, and my throat gets dry, and I – it's better if I make small talk, ok? Just – mate, just go with me on this, ok?"

Nick looked at PJ, and saw the turmoil that he was in. Those blue, blue eyes wide with emotion, hands constantly fidgeting, reaching inside his jacket to straighten something in his pocket, to tweak the seatbelt, to pick at imaginary fluff on his jeans. Body held tight with tension, and deep breaths trying to will it all away.

"You think the Pies'll win? No way mate" Nick said with a smile, forcing himself to relax back into his seat, hoping PJ might be able to follow in kind. "Cats'll thrash them every time. You must see that, I mean it's only natural isn't it? Cat's EAT birds, and what is a Magpie but a bird? Natural order of things, mate. Natural order of things. Everything will come good, you know that"

PJ smiled, both at the absurdity of the statement, and at the effort that Nick was going to. Friends like Nick were a rare commodity. "Thanks mate"

"No worries" Nick replied, understanding both the spoken words and the emotion behind them. "Now, when's this heap going to get into the air? Maybe I should go and have a word with the pilot? D'you think they show the footy on these tiny screens – and what's with that anyway? Where did those proper movie sized screens go? What idiot thought that any sane person could see anything on these tiny things? You need a magnifying screen just to – " his voice tapered off when he saw PJ staring out of the window, his hands once again restless, constantly moving over the ridges of a silver key that he now held.

The rest of the flight was spent in a similar manner. PJ trying to make small talk when he could drag his frantic mind back from the upcoming reunion, and Nick being the true friend he was, and providing a comforting mix of silence and nonsense. As they got closer and closer to landing, PJ's movements became more edgy, more wary, the key in his hand clenched tightly.

"This was for her" PJ said suddenly, turning to face Nick, and Nick's heart almost broke at the fear he saw etched there. "This – " PJ looked down at the key, "It was for her, so she could come and go as and when she wanted. It – I wanted her to know – mate, I - what if she – "

"PJ stop. We won't know anything for sure until you two see each other and talk it out. But think about it. Really think about it. You loved her, didn't you? You really loved her, and you still do, don't you? No, don't say anything, just let me talk for a minute. You love her PJ. You always have, and you always will. And she loves you. I have no idea what Margaret sees in you, mate, but whatever it is, she loved you. The woman was totally nuts about you. And from what the Boss has said, I think there's still something there. She named her boys after you. She dreamed about you – ok, ok, so we don't know if it was about you, but she didn't dream about her husband. Zoe said that she told her that she felt nothing when she looked at the pictures of her husband, but she DID know that there was someone who held her heart. She KNEW she was in love, but - PJ look. I don't know what's going to happen, but I – well, I - "Nick sighed.

In all truth, he'd never really thought that PJ and Maggie wouldn't fall into each other's arms and that he'd be attending a wedding within the next few months. The thought of them not reconciling, not falling back in love had never occurred to him. "PJ, all I can say is that you have to take it as it happens. What you and Maggie had, I really don't think it can disappear. You ever tell Zoe I said this and I'll whap you on that stubborn head of yours, but I do believe in true love. I believe in love at first sight, and I believe that that love never really dies. A small part of it is always there, and it never vanishes. Whatever Maggie is going through, she still cares for us all, and for you too. You just to have to have faith in that, and take it from there." Nick was silent for a few moments, letting his words sink in.

"Besides. You might not have anything to worry about. She may take one look at you and strip you down and have her way with you – which is why I have these" he said with a grin, whipping out a pair of very dark sunglasses, "and these" he waved a pair of yellow spongy earplugs at PJ. "I've also checked with Tom and I know the nearest exits of Maggie's house, and I've planned a getaway route – OUCH!!"

PJ's laughter was worth the bruise Nick was sure he was going to have.

Zoe hung up and turned to face them. "Should have turned my phone on earlier. Nick and PJ caught a 7-30 flight and they'll be here soon, apparently." she said, watching as an involuntary smile flew across Maggie's face.

"He's coming," she breathed. "He's coming" and then the reality of it all began to sink in. "Boss, what if – "

Tom was on his feet in seconds, wrapping her in a hug. "That feeling just now, that first instinct, when Zoe said he was on his way. You smiled, Maggie. You really smiled, just like I remember. Just like you always did you saw him for the first time in the morning – although I now have a nasty suspicion work may not have been the first time you saw Hasham each day – but we'll skim over that I think. Anyway, my point is that your first reaction to hearing that PJ was on his way was to smile. Was to be happy. Hold onto that Maggie. Hold onto it tightly, because that's the truth. What you're feeling now, that's not your first instinct. That's nerves setting in. That's thinking, it's – Maggie, you smiled, sweetheart. Just hold onto that."

Maggie looked up at Tom, before stepping away from him. She looked deep into his eyes, and he held her gaze. Finally, she allowed another small smile to grace her features. "I did, didn't I? I smiled. I – " she sat down, crossing her legs underneath her. " I want to see him. I want to know." She sighed. "I want to understand all of this. No disrespect to you or anything, but I still – all of this, it all makes sense, and I know you're telling me the truth, there's too much evidence for it not to be true – but it still – Boss, I'm sorry, but even though I KNOW it's true, that doesn't make it FEEL true yet. But seeing PJ, actually seeing him – maybe that will make it all come back."

"Don't do that, Maggie" Zoe said softly, and Maggie turned to look at her as Tom sat down next to her.

"What?" 

"Don't pin all of your hopes on PJ. Don't put that pressure on him, or on yourself. It's not fair to either of you"

Maggie was silent for a minute. "Zoe, he – he has to be it. He – I can feel him. I can – the memories, they're all there, all just out of reach, and it's driving me crazy. I keep getting flashes of things, of blue, of warmth, of whispers, and then they all disappear again. I – he – I need him Zoe. I need him, so I can understand it all."

"But what if he doesn't? What if he's not the key to it all?" Zoe said, regretting the pain that flashed across Maggie's face at her words, but knowing it had to be said.

"Zoe," Tom said, a warning note in his tone.

"Tom, I have to. I – she can't pin her hopes on this, because if it doesn't work, it'll break her – and most likely break PJ too. She can't put that much pressure on him, or on herself either."

Their only reply was the sound of a door closing as Maggie retreated to her room, sitting blank faced on her bed, staring at the wall and seeing nothing. Zoe sighed as Tom glared at her.

"Was that really necessary?" he bit out, his heart breaking at what had just happened.

"Yes," Zoe said sadly, sinking down onto the couch. She looked up at Tom, before sighing. "Tom, if PJ isn't the trigger, if he doesn't make her memories come back, and she's pinned her hopes on him, what's it going to do to them if it doesn't work? How's she going to react to him if he isn't the trigger? She'll resent him, she'll blame him, and she won't be able to help it. And Tom, you know Maggie's my friend, you know I love her – but over the past two years, I've come to look at PJ like a brother. Or a brother –in-law anyway. I know him, Tom. I - Tom, what I'm saying is that but PJ won't cope with that. He loves her so much, and he won't cope with finding her and then having her blame him for it all. And he won't be able to go through losing her again. It'll kill him, Tom. He'll go through with it this time."

"Go through with what?" Tom said softly, neither noticing that Maggie was standing and listening by the door.

"He – Nick - " Zoe stopped, hating that she was breaking a trust, but knowing that it was the only way she could get Tom to understand. " Tom, Nick found him one night, up at the ridge. He said that PJ was so close, he was missing her so much – he just wanted to be with her again, and if his gun was the only way he could be with her, then that was what he was going to do."

Tom sank down into a thankfully nearby chair, Zoe's words loud and painful to hear. The thing was, it wasn't anything he hadn't really suspected, but to hear it confirmed just broke his heart for them all the more.

"Now do you see what I'm saying? Now do you understand?" Zoe said, tears falling softly down her cheeks. "I'm scared Tom. I know I've been the strong one in all of this, the cheerful outlook, the smiles, but I'm scared."

Maggie wrapped her arms around herself as the truth of Zoe's words finally sank in. PJ loved her. He really and truly loved her. And losing her, having her torn away from him like that, like they said had happened, it had almost killed him. Had almost made him – she'd nearly lost him. But how could she have almost lost him when she couldn't even really remember him? How could she be feeling this crushing fear, this – this searing terror at the idea that this PJ would have killed himself when she couldn't even remember him? Remember his blue, blue eyes as he held her, his arms as they pulled her into him and his heart as it beat against hers as they made love?

A sound outside the front door made her jump, and she stood, opening it.


	32. Chapter 33

It was as if she was in the midst of a raging sea, being buffeted this way and that, as if a thousand hands were pulling her in a thousand different directions. He was there, he was in front of her. She could sense him, see him, his scent was everywhere, radiating off him in waves and clothing her in a terrifying sense of familiarity. She stared at him, desperate to take him all in, her mind reeling and her heart close to exploding – and then, and then his blue eyes captured hers, and all was still.

She was sure the world had stopped, that the entire world had stopped as they stood there, staring into each other's eyes. Neither moved nor even breathed. The silence was crushing, until Maggie drew a ragged breath and stepped into him just as he reached for her, wrapping his arms around her, burying his head in her neck, drinking her in frantically.

"Mags'" he sobbed, "Mags," he held her tighter, feeling his heart beat in time with hers. Straightening up slightly, he stared at her again, the tears flowing unheeded down his cheeks. Raising a hand between them, he placed it against her heart, staring down at it as he felt it beating against his palm. "You're real," he whispered, 'You're real."

Maggie was still staring at him, images beginning to crowd her mind again. Blue, streams of blue, soft and silky, wrapped around her, complete and utter adoration, wrapped up warm against him, laughter, exhilaration, passion, so much passion, more laughter – but above all, above everything, there was love. She loved him. She knew that now, knew that she loved him, always had and always would.

"Maggie?" he whispered again, "Do you – " he swallowed dryly, his voice disappearing with an overwhelming fear.

"I remember that I love you," she whispered, "I remember that I have always loved you", the words were tripping over themselves in an effort to exorcise that look of pure terror from his eyes. And as she spoke them she was all too aware that it wasn't only PJ she was talking to, she was confirming it for herself as well. "I remember that I love you, I love you so much ". Her words were stolen away as he kissed her, kissed her with so much love and relief that she almost sobbed, until she forgot to think, forgot even to breathe – the only thing that existed for either of them was the kiss, and the bond that was instantly rebuilt between them.

The unfortunate need for air finally forced them apart, and PJ woke from perfection to find that it was real, that she was in his arms, and that she in turn was holding him as tightly as he held her. "Mags" he whispered again, his voice strengthening as it began to sink in. She really was alive – and she really was here, in his arms. And she had kissed him, really kissed him, like she remembered. Like she still wanted him, still needed him as much as he needed her – had always needed her.

"Maggie" he smiled.

"So, are you just going to practice saying her name all night, or can we actually go inside sometime soon?" came a voice from behind him, and he couldn't help but smile as Nick peered over his shoulder. " 'lo there Margaret"

And it was in that moment that it all fell apart again. It was when she flinched, when the look she gave Nick was one of confusion, of - of fear? – that everything came crashing down around both of them. PJ instinctively drew her closer, held her tightly to him.

"Mags?" he whispered again, "Mags, what is it? What's wrong?" he turned to glance over his shoulder to see what had scared her, but couldn't see anything around Nick. Straining slightly, he managed to peer down the path, but there was nothing there. He felt Maggie stiffen in his arms, before relaxing again, and he felt the lightest of kisses against his neck. Turning back to her, he smiled again as, once again, he realised who he had in his arms.

"You're alive."

"I am" she smiled up at him.

"And you remember me" he said, sure of it now.

"I – " she hesitated, wanting to lie, to make everything ok.

PJ's smile faltered, but still he held her in his arms. "You - " he swallowed tightly, fear nagging tightly at him. " You – "

Maggie sighed, moving slightly and leading him inside and the other man – the one she knew that she should know, the other so familiar man – followed them both into the lounge.

"Look who I found" she said as cheerfully as she could, not letting go of PJ for a second. "It's PJ and - and "

"Nick!" yelped Zoe, and she was in her husband's arms, hugging him to her as Nick placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

"Missed you too, Zo" Nick told her, tilting her face up to him for a kiss, breaking away only when a harrumph from Tom permeated their consciousnesses.

PJ had been watching Maggie. He'd not taken his eyes off her since she opened the door to them, and he was quite convinced he never would again. He loved her – had never stopped loving her, and by the reaction that he'd seen when she opened the door, she still loved him. Her words said as much, and her body language indicated the same. The only problem, the only gut wrenching, sanity jarring problem was that -

"You don't remember me."

Judging by the way Maggie's head whipped round, her tired eyes meeting his confused blue eyes, he'd spoken that out loud. Glancing over at Tom, who looked back at her, and at Zoe and Nick, Maggie took PJ's hand and led him down the corridor, not wanting to tell him in front of the others. She was inordinately grateful that Zoe stopped Tom from following. He was like a father to her – or at least to the 'her' that she was convinced that she would remember soon – but she didn't want to have this conversation in front of anyone except PJ.

Closing the front door behind her, she led PJ over to the seat on the verandah, and they sat down. PJ instinctively wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and she just as instinctively laid her head in the crook of his neck. She smiled as she felt him place a small kiss on the top of her head, felt comforted as he stayed that way, breathing her in.

Maggie took a deep breath, and beside her, she felt PJ flinch slightly.

"I don't remember you." She said softly, watching his fist clench against his leg, "But I do remember the feelings I get when I'm around you. I remember being loved, being IN love. I remember being happy, being so happy. I remember how it feels to kiss you, to hold you. I remember how it felt when I saw you laugh, how worried I was when you were in trouble, I remember – " she swallowed, and blushed slightly, "I remember making love with you, I know how you like to be touched, I remember your face when you – I remember you, PJ, but I just – I don't know you." She sat up slightly, reaching over to take his chin and turn him to face her.

"PJ, I don't remember where you live. I don't know if you have any brothers or sisters, or anything about your family. I don't know when you joined the Police, or where you lived before you went to St Thomas – "

"Mount" PJ whispered

"Mount?"

"Mount Thomas"

"Whatever. PJ, what I'm saying is that I know you. I know YOU; I just can't remember the details. I'm saying that I know that I love you. I know that you love me, and that here, right now, I have never felt safer, righter – if that's a word – or - or – whatever it is, I just know that you and I are meant to be together. It's like there's a piece of me that was missing, and you're it. Do you – can you understand that?"

PJ broke the eye contact, and Maggie's heart began to shatter into a thousand pieces, each one shattering again and again. He didn't understand. He was going to leave her, he was going to leave, and her world would cave in on her until she shriveled up and died. Zoe had been right. It was too much pressure to put on anyone, and - the breath caught in the back of her throat and she tried and failed to hold back a sob. In an instant, she felt his arms around her, pulling her to him, tight against his chest.

"Maggie, Mags, my Mags, I – I don't know what to say. I – " he stopped, drawing a deep breath, before leaning back and wrapping his arm around her again. " I love you. I know that. I love you, and I want you back. I want you back in my life, in my arms, in – in everything. You recognised me, you knew it was me, didn't you?"

He felt Maggie gasp against him, and sat up, turning to look at her, worry written across his face. "Mags, what is it?"

"I recognised you! PJ, I recognised you!" she grinned, her face lighting up at the idea.

"Ah, yes, you recognised me. You've got photo's of us all, although why you didn't recognise Nick, I'm not sure, but anyway, you – "

"But that's just it! I haven't seen pictures – " Maggie interrupted, the grin widening and she turned to face him even more, tucking a leg under her on the bench.

"Doyley, don't fib to me, you may have lost your memory, but Nick hasn't, and he told me that Zoe had shown you pictures, so – "

"That's just it, Detective Hasham" Maggie grinned, a sense of happiness rushing over her as they fell into their old ways of teasing each other, "That's just it. Yes, Zoe showed me the pictures, but you weren't in them. I haven't seen one picture of you. Or one of us together, so how could I know it was you?"

"You didn't remember what I looked like?" he gestured towards himself and grinned, "How could anyone forget this fine specimen of a man"

"Shut up, you idiot" Maggie grinned, leaning forward to kiss him. "What I mean is that when I opened that door, I had no idea what you looked like, apart from whatever looks you gave the boys, but PJ, I STILL knew it was you. I was still drawn to you, and I still knew that I was totally, crazily head over heels in love with you – and that I have never, and will never stop needing and loving you." She finished breathlessly, her smile bright, but fading almost instantly as the full ramifications of her words set in.

She drew back slightly. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Sorry? Mags, please don't say you're sorry. Please don't back away from me again. I – " he looked at her, really looked at her and understood. " It's not too much. It will never be too much. I will never tire of hearing you tell me you love me, and I will never stop saying it back again. So what if you didn't remember what I looked like – although I still don't get how you could forget this" again he gestured to himself, and again she smiled at him, which was just the reaction he had been looking for – anything other than that haunted look which had raced across her features for a second there.

"Listen Mags, " he said softly, reaching across and taking her hands in his. " I don't care. I don't care that you didn't know what I looked like. All that matters is how you felt when you saw me. And the first thing that you felt was love. That you loved me. That's all that matters. I love you so much, and you love me too. The rest of it we can learn together. I mean, I don't know anything about your life here either do I? I don't know where you work, who your friends are – " PJ took a deep breath. " I don't know these two boys who are asleep in there" he gestured to the window behind him where he was sure his sons were sleeping, "but we can fix that. We can talk it out, find out whatever we need to know. What we can't talk out, or fix is the way we feel about each other, that's just instinct. And my instinct is telling me that I love you so much, and it's telling me that you love me. It's as simple as that. The rest of it we can work through together, ok?" He moved closer, wrapping her in his arms, kissing her hair, her neck, her chin and finally, after what felt like forever for Maggie, their lips met in a kiss that stole her breath and she forgot about everything else as she began to kiss him back.


	33. Chapter 34

"Nicholas Shultz, you get yourself back here this instant!" came a loud angry whisper, and the sounds of shuffling and a yelp were heard. Out on the verandah, the sounds were not lost on PJ and Maggie, who broke apart from their kiss with a grin. When Zoe had Nick in the firing line, much enjoyment was to be had, and so they silently stood, moving over until they were just out of sight by the front door. Maggie smiled as she felt PJ's arms wrap around her and his chest close against her back. He pressed a soft kiss to the side of her neck, his arms tightening as she wove her fingers amongst his.

"But Zo, it's gone quiet out there! Goodness knows what might have happened – "

"If it's gone quiet out there then there's only one thing that I want to think has happened and despite what I just said, I don't want to think about that. Now get yourself away from the door, Shultz, before I put you on ….on….on doing the school talks programme!" came Tom's response, halfway between a yell and a whisper.

That was all together too much for PJ, who's snort of laughter alerted them to the fact that the subjects of their conversation were not only listening in, but were thoroughly enjoying it all. Nick pulled the flyscreen door open, poking his head around it, jumping in surprise as he came face to face with PJ and Maggie.

"Should have listened to the Boss, mate" PJ grinned.

Nick grinned right back, his smile widening as he took in the fact that PJ held Maggie in his arms, and the fact that she was leaning back against him, a content smile on her face.

"Where's the fun in that" he said, "and besides, I'm only a stop gap, and I'll just make sure we make a run for it back to the city before the Boss has a chance to put anything into motion"

"Speaking of that," Zoe said with a grin, pushing the screen door open and coming out to stand on the verandah. "I've been thinking. I know we're happy in the city Nick, but I've - well, I loved Mount Thomas when we were there, - and well, I was wondering if you'd ever think about moving back there?" she glanced over at PJ and Maggie, giving them a quick smile as she took the attention off them and whatever they had decided.

"Shultz back in Mount Thomas?" Tom groaned, "I thought we'd got rid of you!" he said, joining them on the verandah.

"Now that's a challenge if ever I heard it," Nick said, the glint in his eye sparkling as he thought about it. "I'd soon knock them all back into shape." He said, running a thoughtful hand over his face. "Yep, I'd have CI doing all of the legwork, the youngsters bringing me my tea and biscuits every half hour, I'd have the crime spree sorted in minutes – "

"What, the mystery of the missing tim-tams? Don't think we didn't know it was you who nicked the last one each time, and then left the wrapping in the fridge" Maggie teased, feeling PJ's arms tighten around her as another memory slotted into place.

"Of all the things she has to remember, she remembers that" Nick groaned. "Except, ah, yes, that wasn't me, " Nick tried, "that was – ah, it was – it was Patrick here. Yep, that was our dashing Detective."

"Nope. No way. Wasn't him, because if it was, he would have offered it to me. And seeing as he didn't, then it wasn't him, and seeing as you are the one with the addiction to chocolate, the evidence all points to you. Plus the fact that I saw you do it once!" Maggie laughed, watching as Nick's eyes widened and he struggled for a comeback.

"Oh you did, did you?" Tom said with a grin. "Come here, Doyle"

"Nup," PJ said with a grin of his own. "She's staying right where she is. I'm never letting go of her again"

And just like that, the atmosphere changed. Maggie froze, guilt washing over her in waves. She'd broken his heart, she'd left, had torn them all apart, and there was nothing she either knew about it or could have done about it. She turned in his arms, seeking out those blue eyes of his, the blue eyes that had never been able to hide anything from her. Ever since they'd got together all those years ago, she'd been able to read him if she looked deep into his eyes. It was as if they were a mirror to his heart, to his soul, and only she had the key.

"PJ" she whispered, "PJ, I'm sorry."

"Hey, it wasn't your fault, and you know it. What matters is that you're back here – " his arms tightened around her, and he placed a soft kiss on her lips, " and whatever battles we've got coming, we're going to face them together."

Tom reached over and placed a gentle hand on Maggie's shoulder. "He's right, you know. We're all here for you Maggie, and whatever it takes, we'll do it."

Turning again, she faced them, and the words were out of her mouth before she had time to think. "What if I don't remember? What if I never remember?"

"Then we'll face that too." Tom told her, with a smile. "Maggie, you're a strong woman, and I'm not saying that it's going to be easy, but you've remembered some things, and I think having PJ here will help you remember more. The connection that you two have – had – whatever, that connection may well be the key to unraveling it all, and even if it isn't, then judging by the way he's holding you, and by your face when you look at him, I should think that you'll have a whole lot of new memories between you very soon. And I did not mean that in the way it sounded to you Shultz!" Tom pre-empted Nick's comment, and a helpful Zoe nudged her husband in the ribs. "And so I suggest we get some food, have dinner and just relax" he finished, before pulling the door open and heading towards the kitchen.

"Move it you lot!" he yelled back over his shoulder, and, grabbing his hand, Zoe pulled Nick into the house after her.

Left behind on the verandah, Maggie and PJ stood together. "He's right, you know. We can work through this, if you want to."

Even before he finished speaking, Maggie had pulled him in for a tight hug. "Of course I want to" she breathed into his chest, before looking up at him. "PJ, this – this link, or whatever it is between us, I want it back. I want to know you again, I want to remember you, to remember everything, but – "

"But?"

"But what if I don't? What if I never remember?" she choked back a sob, a lone tear escaping as PJ placed a gentle finger under her chin and brought her eyes up to meet his.

"Then like the Boss said, we'll make new ones. Sorry, still sounds wrong, the Boss thinking about us making new memories" he grinned, his grin widening as he saw Maggie smile. "No, but you know what I mean. We'll work through this together. I love you Mags, and I never stopped and never will. So suck it up Doyley, you're stuck with me" and he wove his arms around her again, leaning down and kissing her until they both forgot where they were.

"Ah, excuse me?"

Nothing. In fact, he was quite sure the kiss deepened.

"Er, hello?"

"What?!" PJ growled, turning to face the poor unfortunate who had interrupted his reconciliation kiss.

"I think he brings food, PJ" Nick grinned, reaching round the still entwined couple to take the take-away bag from the delivery boy, while at the same time grappling in his pocket to find his wallet.

"Yeah, ah, let me get that" a blushing PJ said, as Maggie once again buried her face in his chest, her blush an equal fire-engine red. "There you go, and, er, sorry about that"

Nick laughed as the boy grabbed the proffered money and fled. "Come on, you two. Food!!" he wafted the bag under their noses. "There'll be time enough for all that romantic mush later" he told them, reaching around PJ and grabbing hold of one of Maggie's hands. "Put the Detective down Doyley."

Letting herself be led down the hall, she was followed by PJ, who held her other hand. "Besides judging by the grin young Patrick is wearing, I reckon you're going to have to be building your strength up Margaret! " Nick said, bolting down the corridor, followed by PJ and Maggie, before hiding behind Zoe. "Save me Zo! They've gone mad" Nick laughed.

"We've gone mad?" Maggie yelped, reaching around Zoe to try to get Nick, "You're the one telling me to build up my strength. What for I'd like to know??!!"

Obviously, she regretted her choice of phrase the second it left her lips, as Nick's grin would have now lit the night sky. "Well Margaret, if you don't know my know, I'm sure the dashing Detective could tell you!" and PJ had to grab Maggie before she lunged at Nick, wrapping his arms tightly around her both in thorough enjoyment, and to save his friend from Maggie's smiling wrath.

"ENOUGH!!" roared Tom, "I'm hungry – not a word Shultz, you too Hasham. I'm hungry, and I can't eat with all of this innuendo floating around. So shut up you – " he pointed at Nick, "You two put each other down, and where's my food?" he yelled, a smile struggling to stay hidden as they all did as he said and Zoe slid a plate piled high with food in front of him.


	34. Chapter 35

Finally sated, Tom leant back against his chair patting his rather round belly in satisfaction. "Now THAT'S what I'm talking about." He grinned, glancing over at Maggie. "Seems like one good thing came out of all of this – Maggie Doyle can cook!"

"Oy!" Maggie grinned right back, before turning to PJ, who was sitting right beside her. "I think I've just been insulted."

"SO not saying a word!" PJ grinned right back, reaching up and miming zipping his lips shut.

"Chicken" Maggie smirked at him, and Tom leant forward.

"Yes please, " he said with a huge smile, offering his plate out for more.

"Tom Croydon," Zoe said firmly, "You cannot possibly still be hungry"

Tom hesitated, Zoe was right, he wasn't hungry, but Maggie's cooking had improved tenfold since she'd 'died' and he was going to take advantage of it.

"Exactly." Zoe said, standing up and starting to clear the table, Maggie doing likewise. PJ leant back in his chair, long fingers laced behind his head and feet stretched out in front of him, a contented smile woven across his face.

"Er, hello" Maggie interjected, coming round behind PJ and dropping a tea towel on his head. "And you think you're not going to be getting off that backside of yours and helping out?"

PJ's answer was simple, and Maggie squeaked loudly as he wrapped her in his arms and pulled her into his lap, silencing her with a kiss. "Yup" he managed when he came up for air.

Maggie blushed as she realised that they were now the centre of attention, and once again Zoe saved the day. "Get up Nicholas and give me a hand."

"Me? Why me? Why not him?" Nick whined, nonetheless doing as she asked.

"Because they have a lot to talk about and a lot to get used to again, and besides, I like seeing them so happy"

"And you don't like seeing ME happy – ok, ok, I get it, don't use The Look on me" Nick mumbled, reaching over and gathering plates.

Tom smiled, happy to watch his team back together again. Happy to see Nick and Zoe so content, and ecstatic at the sight of PJ and Maggie so in tune with each other, so - so 'them' again. The smile faltered as reality set in again once more.

Turning slightly in PJ's arms, Maggie caught sight of the smile leaving Tom's face. "Boss?"

"Sorry. It's nothing." Tom said, pasting the smile back on.

"And my name's Mel Draper" she shot back with a small smile, "except that it's not, and you're not fine. So talk. What's wrong?"

Tom sighed. "You've lost none of that determined edge, have you Doyle? All right, all right, " he said, once again on the receiving end of a patented Doyle stare. "It's just – well – "

"Boss?" PJ said softly, knowing what Tom was going to say. They all did, really, but no-one had wanted to think about it, let alone say it out loud.

Tom sighed. "We can't stay up here forever, as - well, as nice as it is. We have to go home sometime. My station is being manned by my two most junior members alongside a mob of St David's coppers – which makes me shudder if I'm honest, but it was more important to find you, to see if it really was you, Doyle." Maggie smiled over at him.

" Anyway, I just – I think we need to know what's going to happen. Nick and I need to go back pretty soon, and I'm sure Zoe does too. PJ, you've got cases pending, and there's only so far I can stretch 'personal leave'. I just – I don't want to push things, and I'm terrified of hurting you, but I think we need to think about what's going on here."

Maggie had hidden her head in the crook of PJ's neck as Tom spoke, each word scaring her, and each word needing to be said. It wasn't as if she hadn't thought about it, what the future would be. It wasn't as if she hadn't lain awake at night wondering what would become of them. Before he had arrived, when Maggie had found out who she was, and that her husband had been a fallacy, she had thought about her future. Would she stay up here, in the life that had been created for her and into which she had settled into so well – or would she go back to Mt Thomas and try to pick up where she had left off all that time ago.

The arrival of PJ, and the ease with which they had fallen back into their old ways and – she swallowed – the ease and strength with which she loved him again (and he her, she knew without a doubt) didn't scare her – but it did worry her. Could she uproot the boys from everything they'd ever known, and take them back to somewhere where she was pretty damn sure she had been happy and content? Could she take the chance on reclaiming her old life?

As if sensing her turmoil, PJ pulled her in closer, placing a soft kiss in her hair.

"I love you Maggie. I love you so much – and I know you love me. I know it's huge, and I know it's scary, but I'm not going to lose you again. I can't lose you again." He said softly. "I – " he swallowed deeply. "Whatever you decide, I'll go along with. We can go home, or we can stay here. I want to be with you and the boys, that's all I'll ever need, Mags. You and the boys, I don't care where we are as long as we're together."

"Look," Tom said, standing up and glancing over at Nick, who had his arms wrapped around Zoe. "Don't make any decisions now, sleep on it and think it over, but - and Maggie, I'm sorry to do this to you, but Nick, Zoe and I, we need to go home tomorrow. I know we don't really have anything to do with your decision – "

"Thing is Boss, you do. You do have something to do with what I decide. You're family, or at least it feels like it. I know you. In here, I know you" Maggie said, her hand on her heart. "You too Nick. And – " she turned, looking deep into PJ's eyes, resting her forehead against his. "I – I just don't know. I do love you. I have always loved you. But I don't know. It's all so – so big. The boys, they're settled here, they don't know anything else. And you haven't even met them yet, they – well, I didn't want - I just needed to go through this, to see you again without worrying about how they would cope, so they're over with Kay and Luka for the night. PJ, I'm sorry, but I didn't – "

"Mags, I understand. If I'm honest, I was concentrating on you tonight too. I needed to reconnect with you, to find out how you felt, to see if you loved me as much as I love you. The boys – I know I'll love them, but tonight, I just needed you, " he said, a look of concern racing across his face as it seemed to him he was putting his sons in second place, but the gentle kiss Maggie gave him put his fears to rest.

She sighed, breaking away from him and smiling over at Tom and the others. "It's ok Tom. I know you have to go home, I'm surprised you've stayed around this long – and no, I didn't mean it like that, I know you care about me, but who knows what's been going on in Mt Thomas while half of the police force are up here? You get going, I don't mind. And you know where I am now, and we do have a phone, a computer, and a thousand other ways of getting in touch."

"And an answer for everything. You haven't changed a single bit Doyle." Tom said with a tired smile, grateful for her understanding. Reaching over, he wrapped her in a hug. "I'll come over tomorrow before we leave," he said as Nick and Zoe repeated the action. Behind them, PJ stood as well.

Making their way to the front door, he stood behind Maggie as they said their goodbyes on the verandah. He wanted to stay with her, to stay the night, but –

"Mags," he hesitated, knowing what he was about to say was true, was right, but dying inside just a little bit as he even thought about saying it. " I should go with them. I – tonight – it's too soon. I - you need to think about it, to get it straight in your head, I– "

"PJ, it's ok. I understand. I want you to stay, but I – " She pulled him into a kiss, a deep, soul scorching kiss. "I understand. We both need to think, but you need to remember this. I love you PJ. "

"I know, and I love you too." He smiled at her, wrapping her in a last hug, stealing a last kiss before stepping apart from her. "Ok. I can do this. Boss, wait up!"

He almost made it to the edge of the porch before admitting defeat and turning back. "One more kiss," he whispered against her mouth, kissing her breathless before walking down and getting into the car with Tom, who glanced at him as he did the seatbelt up.

"You sure?"

"Just drive Tom, just drive before I get out and go back there and hold her and do everything that - "

"That I don't want to even think about hearing about" Tom with a shake of the head, smiling as PJ turned and watched Maggie until she, and the house, were both firmly out of sight.


	35. Chapter 36

Tom Croydon was actually quite impressed

Tom Croydon was actually quite impressed. Really, he was. Even though he was sure that PJ and Maggie made the right decision by giving each other space to absorb it all tonight, he'd also been sure that they wouldn't reach the end of the street before he was doing a U-turn. Several times on the trip back to the hotel Tom had tried to start a conversation, and each time he got the same result. It was as if PJ hadn't heard a single word Tom had said. The entire trip back, PJ had sat staring out of the passenger window, deep in thought, not even noticing that they had come to a stop in the hotel car park.

Tom brought the car to a halt, turned it off and drew the key out of the ignition. He turned slightly in his seat and patiently waited until PJ was ready. A few long, silent minutes later, PJ finally reacted, his hand stretched out and waiting, as Tom had known he would. He dropped the keys into PJ's outstretched palm with a sigh.

"Take them" Tom said, with a resigned smile.

Keys safe in his hand, PJ offered a smile of his own. "Thanks Boss. I know it's the wrong thing to do, I know we both need time to get this all sorted out, but – " his voice tapered away and PJ ran a tired hand over his face. " It's Mags, Tom. It's Mags."

Tom climbed out of the car and watched as PJ replaced him in the driving seat. "I know. I know it's Maggie, and I can see - " Tom sighed. " Look, I don't know what I can see. Just – just be careful. Both of you. I know how close I came to losing you when she died, and I don't want to go through that again."

He held up a hand to ward off anything PJ might have been going to say. "Nick's a good friend PJ, and he was worried about you. Listen, PJ, I – just be careful. Take it easy, you both have a lot to talk about, and I still don't think tonight's the right time, but – "

"Tom, I – I just need her. I just need to hold her, to - I don't know, to see her again. I need to - she's real isn't she? It's really her, isn't it? I'm not – "

"No, you're not dreaming PJ. It's Maggie. It's our Maggie. She's alive. She's – it's really her. Look, do you want me to drive?" Tom said, reaching down as if to take the keys from his detective.

"Mm? No, no, I'm fine Tom. I just – " he gave a small smile. " I just need Mags" Tom straightened up, watched as PJ reversed the car out of the slot, and, with a shake of his head, turned and went into the hotel.

Maggie stood at the front door watching the brake lights of the car disappear into the night. Brushing at a small tear that had escaped her tired eyes, she turned and closed the fly screen behind her as she went inside. They were doing the right thing, she knew that, but she hadn't wanted him to leave. It had almost torn her in two as he had let her go, and the ache was almost too much to bear as she had watched him get in the car.

She knew – KNEW – that they needed time to think about it all. They needed time to understand it all. Arms wrapped around her pillow, Maggie sat cross-legged on her bed, letting the day's revelations wash over here, and still she came back to the same thing over and over again.

She wanted him back here. With her. Now.

She wanted him so much it made her heart ache. She couldn't think it out here by herself, there were too many loose ends, too many questions – but apart from all of that, she just wanted his arms around her. Just wanted that warmth again, but in her heart and her soul – and the only time she had felt that was when he held her, when his arms were tight around her, and his lips on hers.

It didn't matter that as recently as yesterday she'd never heard of him. It didn't matter that she'd blocked him out so completely she'd not even had an inkling that he even existed. But then again, Maggie shook her head, I did. I did remember him, I did dream about him, ache for him – I just – I just didn't know it was him. Well, I did, I knew I loved him, but I didn't know it was PJ, I thought it was Rick. Rick. PatRICK.

Oh god.

She ran her hand through her hair in exasperation. Maggie and PJ. PJ and Mags. It was just – it was just so right. It fitted. Made sense. Scared the living daylights out of her – but it made sense. She had someone who loved her, and judging by the look in his eyes, loved her as much as she loved him. But – but she always had been. She'd always been part of that, been loved like that and loved back just as fiercely, but she'd forgotten. Forgotten the details. The details had gone – been taken, erased. Gone.

Choking back a sob, Maggie straightened up as she heard a car draw to a stop in the drive. When she heard her name whispered through the flyscreen, it only took seconds before she was once again safe in his arms, before she felt his shoulders shudder as he tried to hold his feelings in check.


	36. Chapter 37

"It's not my fault

36

"It's not my fault!" Maggie said with a huff as she pried his fingers away from his neck and shoulders. PJ just groaned as he went searching again, the itch becoming unbearable. "Honestly, that's what they make fly screens for, to keep the mozzies and the flies out, so if you will stand there – "

"I seem to remember you were just as willing a participant," PJ grumbled, moving his hand as Maggie smoothed the cream over the bite, batting his hand away as he went to scratch the bite again.

"Well yes, I was, but I'm not an a la carte menu for the mozzies, now am I? I'm not the ones they so love to feast on?" she said, moving away from his neck, leaning an arm along the back of the couch as she grinned at him.

"No, but you're what I love to feast on, so come here wench, and take my mind off these bites" PJ mock-growled, joining her when she laughed out loud at his innuendo. "What? You don't want to kiss me?"

"Oh I'm going to kiss you all right, Hasham, but I'd prefer to kiss you, and not the big bad wolf, thank-you very much!"

"Reckon that can be arranged, Doyle" PJ said with a glint in his eye as he leant forward and placed a row of tiny butterfly kisses along her jaw, the mozzie bites all but forgotten as he found her lips again and they both fell into the kiss.

Surfacing breathlessly many minutes later, PJ placed a soft kiss on the top of her head before drawing Maggie into his arms as they lay on the couch.

"This, me – " he paused, "Me coming back tonight, it's ok, isn't it? I mean, I can go if you want, but I - well, I just – "

Maggie drew his arms tighter around her as she moved slightly, looking up at him from the pillow of his chest. "I wanted you here too PJ. Just as much as you wanted to come back, I wanted you here too. I know we have a lot to talk about, but – oh, I just feel so much better now you're here. I missed you PJ. Not just tonight, but always." She sat up, crossing her legs together underneath her as she brought the words together in her mind.

"I knew that I had loved someone. I knew I'd loved someone so much that it felt wrong going to sleep by myself at night. I'd find myself turning to talk to you, and you weren't there. I'd turn over at night, expecting to find warmth, and my bed was cold. And not just my bed, but my heart too. There was a hole there, and I didn't know why. I didn't feel – I don't know how to describe it, but I felt wrong. They had told me that I'd had a husband, but – " Maggie angrily wiped at the tears which had crept down her face. "Get a grip Doyle," she told herself, her anger abating as she felt PJ gently wipe away the remaining tears.

PJ sighed. "Listen Mags, we don't have to do this tonight. I know we've got a lot to talk about, like I said, but we don't have to do it tonight. We can just lie here and - "

Maggie tensed ever so slightly. As much as she loved him, and love him she did, she wasn't ready for that. PJ sighed inwardly. Talk about foot in mouth disease…

"Mags, I didn't mean it like that, really I didn't. Much as I love you, we're not ready for that. I want to make love with you, hell, I need to, I need re-connect with you like that, and I think you do too, but not yet. Not until we're ready, and we're not ready yet. Geez, I sound like a sex starved nutter, don't I?" He smiled down at her, placing a kiss on the tip of her nose as he took her into his arms again. " No, but you know what I mean," Drawing back, he looked down at her. "Please tell me you know what I mean"

Maggie paused, a tickle of laughter taking hold inside as she saw PJ's blue eyes widen in alarm.

"Mags?"

"You just want me for my body" she said, managing to hold a blank expression for about three seconds before she had to clamp down on her lips to hold the laughter back.

"You little – " PJ spluttered, his dexterous fingers finding the ticklish spot he remembered so well. "You're going to pay for that Doyley. Don't forget – come here – " she nearly squirmed out of his arms, all the while shrieking with laughter, "don't forget, I know how ticklish you are, my sweet Mags, and I know precisely where to – " he broke off as Maggie too proved she remembered if not everything, she certainly remembered exactly how PJ liked to be kissed.

"I love you" PJ whispered when once again, they came up for air.

"Love you too" Maggie whispered back.

"And that's enough for now" PJ told her, wrapping her in his arms. "Let's just get some sleep for now. " he said, watching as Maggie blushed her way thought a yawn she unsuccessfully tried to hide. "You get to bed, and I'll stretch out here"

"PJ, I – " she glanced out of the room, over at the door that led to her bedroom.

"I know Mags, it's ok. You go to bed, and like I said, I'll kip down here'

"No, it's just that, PJ I don't want to leave you yet, but I'm not ready for – PJ, can I sleep here with you? Can I stay out here with you? The couch is big enough, it had to be big enough for the boys to clamber over, so I got an extra wide couch, and so – "

PJ cut her off with a kiss. "Stop waffling woman. I'm glad you want to stay with me, I wasn't looking forward to letting go of you either. And yes, we can stay out here, I think it's a bit too soon for bed too. You go and get your pillows and whatnot, and I'll meet you out here in a few minutes, ok?" he said, starting to roll her off the couch, but Maggie was too quick for him and stood before she fell off completely.

"You'll pay for that Hasham. Just wait, in the middle of the night, I shall lean over and push you off the bed" Maggie said with a glint in her eye.

"What makes you think I'm going to let go of you as we sleep? I never did before, and I'm not going to get into that habit now Doyle. I'm going to hold you all night long, and you're going to wake up in my arms for the rest of your life" PJ said, the laughter falling away as she stood up and took her in his arms and kissed her, the kiss deepening until he finally broke away with a groan. "Go Doyley, before I forget what I said and ravish you here and now"

Maggie hesitated in his arms, her body screaming one thing as he mind reprimanded her and chose another path for her. Reluctantly she stepped back, stealing one last quick kiss as she did. "Back in a mo'


	37. Next

37

37

"Ok, so that's every thing done then, all booked in and ready to go" Tom said in an overly cheerful voice as they stepped away from the counter allowing the next passenger to step up. "We're in Row 14, seats A, B and C. There you go then."

Maggie leaned over and wrapped an arm around Tom, grinning up at him. "Boss, stop worrying. Everything's sorted, you know that. You stood behind me as I organized the time off. Got to say that you wearing the uniform didn't help too much though, my reputation at work will be all over the place now I've had the police wanting to see me interstate." She smirked, before turning to face Nick, who had strategically stood behind Zoe.

"And as for you, what was that about 'Possible charges being laid and further investigations needed' ??– Nicholas Schultz, there will be payback. Not sure how or when yet, but believe me, the list is getting longer, and if nothing else, I do remember that we Doyle's can hold a grudge…And it's no use looking at our esteemed Detective like that, he's on my side, aren't you PJ?" Maggie turned to face PJ, and any glances of sympathy that PJ had been shooting Nick vanished in a flash as he schooled his face to glare at his best friend.

"Yes siree, Nick, old mate. You and I will be having words as soon as I get back. Say about eight o'clock at the pub – what? Ouch!" PJ rubbed his ribs where Maggie had poked him, before wrapping her back into his arms again.

The droning voice over the tannoy captured their attention, and Tom reluctantly picked up his bag and began to shepherd Zoe and Nick towards the departure gate, before turning to face Maggie and PJ again. Maggie smiled at him as both she and PJ read his mind, PJ smiling as he let Maggie speak.

"Boss, it's three days. We'll be up here for three days, and then we'll be back in Mt Thomas before you know it. And yes, we've not made any decisions yet, we're not sure where we'll end up, but you know that wherever we do, you'll always be a part of our family, all of you. So stop stressing, and get back to those Tim-Tams. And think of what Jonesy and Susie might have done while your best coppers are up here! Goodness knows what state the station might be in now – " they grinned, watching Tom shudder.

"I hope you note that I am ignoring that comment about the Tim-Tam's, Doyle. You too Hasham. Geez, you really are back, aren't you?" And no-one could miss the beaming smile that flew across both Maggie and PJ's faces at Tom's words. "Ok, we'll be there in a sec" Tom said to the flight attendant who was hovering beside them.

"Look. You two," he paused, "You take all the time you want. You know how I feel, you know I want you both back in Mt Thomas, you're like family to me, and I have missed you both for so long, but you have to do what's right for you, and if that means staying up here, then you're only a short flight away. So, - yes, we're coming woman, just give us a minute – " Tom glared at the poor attendant, who was being growled at through her radio about the flight being late. Zoe hugged Maggie and smiled at PJ as she moved over to the woman and assured her that they would only be a few more moments.

Tom took a deep breath, and smiled apologetically over at the woman. "Reckon I should be going before I have to travel in the hold. Look, just – just think it through. I'm fine with whatever you decide, really I am. I just want the best for you Maggie, that's all I've ever wanted." He said, as he drew her into a hug. "I'm just glad you're alive Doyle, " he said into her hair, his voice gruff with emotion, and everyone pretended not to notice the tear on his cheek as he pulled away. "Now, come on Shultz, you're holding up the flight man! Get a move on!"

Nick grinned as he hugged Maggie. "Look after our dashing Detective Doyley, don't let him eat you out of house and home. And keep an eye on yourself too, don't let that nutter over there wear you out. "He grinned as PJ's eyebrows rose, before pulling Maggie into another hug. "Good to see you alive, Margaret. We missed you, you know." And with that considerable understatement, he dropped a small kiss on the top of her head, before pulling away and wrapping his wife in a one armed hug as the went through the sliding doors, leaving PJ and Maggie smiling behind them.


	38. Chapter 38

37

38

"So." PJ said settling himself comfortably on the couch, mug of coffee in one hand, the other arm draped across the back of the couch all ready for Maggie to come and sit beside him.

Maggie, however, had other ideas. She'd sat down at the other end of the couch, turning to face him, her back against the arm of the couch and legs crossed underneath her. At PJ's questioning look she smiled softly.

"If I sit next to you, we'll never talk. Not properly. I just want to hold you when I sit that close to you, and you know it," she said.

"I can't help it if I'm irresistible can I?" PJ grinned, before reaching over to gently lace his fingers with Maggie's. "I know what you mean though. If we're going to do this, we need a bit of space between us."

"If?" Maggie asked.

"I didn't mean it like that, we do have to talk about all of this, and we need to do it sooner rather than later. I just meant that – well…" PJ's voice tapered off and he suddenly found their interlocked hands very interesting. Maggie waited silently; she'd always found that, given time, PJ would speak his mind.

"Mags, I love you. I've always loved you, and I always will. When I thought – when you died, I nearly went with you. Nothing seemed to matter without you, and I was that close to ending it all. And now – now …." He swallowed deeply, his throat suddenly dry.

"PJ, you won't lose me. I love you too, and I can't lose you again. I won't lose you again," she said firmly. "Yes we've got a lot to talk about, a lot to catch up on, but you and me, PJ, we're us again. We're us, and as far as I'm concerned I'm not going to let that go."

PJ leaned over and placed a butterfly light kiss on Maggie's lips, before resting his forehead against hers. "Me either" he whispered, before leaning back again. "So." 

Maggie smiled. "I do believe that was where we came in, Detective Hasham"

"So it was Doyley, so it was. Come on then, talk to me. What the hell happened? What do you know, and what do we need to go and beat out of someone?" PJ grinned, flexing his muscles, his grin widening at the sound of Maggie's laughter.

"Your ego's not changed then?"

Four hours and several coffee's later, PJ laid his head back on the couch, Maggie's feet in his lap and he gently massaged them as he tried to take it all in. It seemed that while his life had been falling apart back in Mt Thomas, while the supposed reality of her death had been forcing its way into his soul, Maggie had been in a coma in the hospital. Three weeks after she was shot, Maggie had finally woken up in hospital, her mind a blur.

The doctors had reluctantly filled in some of the blanks for her – she had been found in the wreck of a car, the body of a man next to her in the driving seat. She'd had catastrophic injuries, the extent of which had caused the doctors to put her into an induced coma so her body could begin to recover She'd had various internal injuries, apparently a branch had pierced the windscreen as the car had rolled, and that accounted for the pain in her chest and the grapefruit sized lump on her head.

It also apparently accounted for her inability to remember a thing about the accident – the accident and her entire life. Maggie – or Mel, as she now knew herself, had absolutely no recollection of anything before the moment she woke up in the hospital. As soon as she'd been well enough, the local police had interviewed her about the accident, but seeing as her driver's licence, along with that of her husband had been found in the wreck, they were comfortable with identifying her as Melanie Draper, wife of Richard Draper, deceased. Her handbag, containing further means if identification was found in the undergrowth, and there seemed to be no doubt as to who she was. Her initial confusion and total lack of connection with her name and background could be explained by the knock to the head and the amnesia that the accident had caused.

The good news was, however, that the babies had survived the accident. It seemed that 'Mel' was just over a month pregnant, and the doctors had done their very best to ensure that she had at least that part of her family still intact when she'd woken up. The news that her husband had died in the crash took a while to set in, and, if she were truthful, Maggie had admitted that she'd never really felt that she was missing him the way a wife should. She'd known that she was missing someone, but the man in the pictures the police had recovered for her, well he wasn't the one, however hard she'd tried to make it be.

PJ's arms had tightened around her as she spoke, and she buried her head in his neck, breathing him in, reassuring herself that he really was here. It was a while before she began to talk again, her thoughts wandering and in no particular semblance of order. She took him through the dark times, when she'd struggled to get her life back together. She took him through meeting Kay and Luka, and the friendship that had blossomed between the two women. Through leaving the hospital and Kay's neighbour choosing that particular time to move interstate, thus providing a home for 'Mel' and her future family.

Maggie took him through the birth, through the agony of bringing twins into the world without their father, without her 'husband' by her side. She took him through bringing the boys home, and the joy of having them there, tempered by the lows she'd experienced as a new mum – a new mum on her own still learning to cope with the blanks that the amnesia had created.

Maggie had stood, moving over to a cabinet and taking out three photograph albums, chock full of baby pictures. Pictures of Tom and Joe curled up together fast asleep on the day they arrived home. Pictures of the boys with mashed pumpkin smeared all over their delighted faces. Pictures of them in the bath, bubbles everywhere, of her and the boys all cuddled up together, of the boys and Luka, picture after picture after picture. PJ had flicked through them in silence, before looking up and seeing tears trailing down Maggie's face as the enormity of it all settled in again. PJ had missed out on all of this – he'd missed out on the birth, on all of the 'firsts' that she'd treasured, on everything.

Again, as had happened countless times throughout their talk, they held each other close, gentle kisses acting as reassurance, as unspoken and accepted apologies – not that there was anything to apologise for. Neither of them could have predicted what would happen that night, nor had they had any say in what resulted from it.

PJ had reached over and captured her lips in a long kiss. "Mags, I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that by yourself – and if I ever find out who - "

Maggie had stopped him with another kiss." Not now Peej. Now is just for us. Now is for talking. We can dig up the details later, but now is all about us. We need to catch up, to talk it out, to reconnect. Now is about getting to know each other again and for filling in the blanks."

PJ smiled. She'd always been the more level headed of the two of them, and it seemed that nothing had changed. Drawing her into his arms, he'd placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head. "You know what? I reckon that we've talked enough for today. Much more of this and my head will explode. I think we need a break, and I have the perfect thing. I reckon that there are two little nippers next door that I'd like to meet. What do you think?" he grinned at her, blue eyes alight with anticipation.


	39. Chapter 39

39

"Ah, hello? Anyone home?" came a voice through the flyscreen at the front door. Small muffled voices joined the first, their laughter instinctively making Maggie smile. "Hello? Mel – ah, sorry, Maggie? Anyone around?"

A deeper voice joined the fray then, a deeper voice full of laughter." Joe, stop tickling. Not fair! Mama, where's Melly? Joe's tickling me!!"

In the lounge room, Maggie looked over at PJ, a nervous smile on her face. "Looks like you're going to get your wish." She said softly, before standing up and wrapping her arms around herself. "Yeah, ah, so Kay's had the boys for the last few days while this all unravelled but – " she glanced at her watch, "Well, she helps out at the Youth Centre twice a week, and she must be on her way down there now. She and Luka, they hold that place together. They – "

PJ stood up, reaching over to take her in his arms. "Shh. I know you're nervous Mags. I am too. I mean, this'll be the first time I meet my sons, and if I'm really honest it's scaring the living daylights out of me. I mean, what if they hate me? What if they take one look at me and run screaming? Thing is, neither of us will know anything until we actually get out there. Mags, our boys are out there, on the verandah, waiting for us, and yeah, ah – ' he swallowed dryly, taking her hand in his and leading her towards the front door. "I love you Mags," he said, as they neared the front door. "Always have, always will, and I'll love our boys too."

Seeing them come down the corridor, it was all Kay could do to stop Tom and Joe pulling the flyscreen open and running full pelt to their mother. It was only when they became aware of the man standing behind her that they stopped, staring up at him in surprise.

"Mummy?" came a small squeak from Joe.

"Who that?" asked Tom, peering curiously up at PJ.

Maggie peered over her shoulder, feeling movement as PJ squatted down beside her, coming face to face with the boys.

"Hi. " he said softly, smiling as they moved closer to each other, and then, in turn, closer to Maggie. "Hey. My name's PJ. Your Mum and I, she's my best friend, and - " Maggie slid down to the floor, crossing her legs and scooping the boys into her lap as PJ tried to get comfortable too. He glanced over at Maggie, marveling at the ease at which she sat, legs folded and looking impossibly comfortable. "how do you do that?" he asked, folding his legs in all sorts of positions, trying to copy Mags.

"It's easy," she said with a grin. "Once you know how"

From the safety of their mother's lap, Joe grinned over at his twin, and they both started giggling at the antics of the squirming man next to their mum. Kay did her best to stifle her laughter, but subtlety seemed to have escaped Luka.

"Detective PJ, you look silly!" he said with a huge guffaw of laughter, and once unleashed the laughter was catching as the twins couldn't help themselves. Kay clamped her lips together as she struggled to stop laughing, and reached over to grab her son.

"Luka, come on, or we'll be late. We'll see the boys tomorrow" she said, with a glance at Maggie, who nodded. "They need to be with their mum and dad now, and we need to go."

Maggie froze, as Kay's words sunk in, glancing over at PJ, who gently reached out and took her hand. The boys, surprised at their mother's sudden stillness looked up at her, and then over at the man beside her. Noting their clasped hands, it was Tom, this time, who looked over at his twin, before climbing off Maggie's lap and moving over to PJ.


	40. Chapter 40

PJ froze as his son came to a stop in front of him

PJ froze as his son came to a stop in front of him. Tom leant forward, and after a momentary hesitation, he tried to pick up the leg that was nearest to him, glancing over at his mother's lap as he did so.

"This,' he declared with certainly, "here" and he tried to push PJ's leg into place, wanting to make PJ's lap a copy of his Mum's. Joe joined his brother, both boys pushing PJ's legs into place, PJ sliding backwards as they did so, falling into an ungainly heap, taking Maggie with him, she being too slow in letting go of his hand. Untangling themselves, PJ leant up on his elbows, coming face to face with a giggling twin on either side of them.

"Silly Mummy!" Joe said, climbing up and sitting on her tummy. Tom mirrored his brother, plonking himself fair and square on PJ's belly, giggling as PJ flexed his abdominal muscles and Tom bounced up and down. "Silly man" Tom spluttered though his giggles.

Kay smiled down at them, reaching over and taking Luka's hand. "Come on sweetheart, the boys will be fine." She pulled slightly, but Luka held his ground.

Maggie looked up at him, a smile wide on her face. Her smile was mirrored in both of her sons, and almost as bright as the one PJ offered him. Luka looked down at the little family, carefully studying each of them. Maggie wriggled, and Joe gently rolled off her, standing up as Maggie drew herself to her feet. Beside her, PJ stood, lifting Tom up and settling him on his hip.

"Luka. You go to work with Mum, I promise you we're fine. PJ is a nice man, he's my friend, and he loves the boys like I do." Maggie told him, seeing the hesitance on Luka's face. It was a lot for Luka to take in, he was so used to it just being the woman he knew as Melly, and the little boys that he'd come to see as family. Now there was this man, this Detective PJ standing there, holding Tom, just like Melly was now holding Joe. And Tom seemed quite happy with Detective PJ holding him, and Detective PJ was holding hands with Melly, he was wrapping his arm around Melly and pulling her tight against him and Melly was smiling, beaming with happiness as she glanced up at the detective.

"Ok," Luka finally relented, "but come back later and play?"

PJ grinned at Luka's protectiveness. "Sure mate. You come back after work and we'll have a kickabout." Luka's innocent eyes glanced over at Maggie, who nodded in reassurance.

"You know, PJ here thinks he's a bit of a whizzkid with the footy, so you and the boys can show him what really good players are like" and Luka's grin could have eclipsed the sun. He was a little puzzled as to why Melly seemed to be wriggling slightly, as if something was tickling her, but his attention was soon taken by Kay tapping him on the shoulder, and her insistence that they would be late if they didn't leave now.

After waving goodbye from the front porch, PJ turned to Maggie, lifting a wriggling Tom more comfortably against his hip. "Thank you so much Doyley. I'm going to get flattened – have you seen the size of him?" he nodded back at the departed Luka. Tom's giggle drew PJ's attention back to him. "And as for you, you little horror – " PJ withdrew his arm from Maggie's shoulder and proceeded to tickle his son until Tom swung upside down, shrieking with laughter. Maggie's smirk widened as Joe climbed out of her arms, crawling across her and climbing onto PJ's back, where he proceeded to start to tickle PJ as well.

"Oy!! That's not fair," PJ yelped, and with one son on his back, and one dangling around the front, he stomped his way back into the lounge, carefully, but over dramatically, plonking first Tom, and then Joe down on the sofa, tickling them some more in the process. Stepping back and skillfully evading their expert little hands, PJ smiled over at Maggie, holding a hand out to her and wrapping her in his arms when she stepped close to him.

"I love you," he whispered, swallowing hard against the sudden lump in his throat. Maggie blinked furiously, not wanting the boys to see the tears that were threatening to spill down her cheeks.

"I love you too PJ," she whispered back, turning slightly and placing a small kiss on the corner of his mouth. Turning back to look at the boys, they found two identical pairs of blue eyes staring up at them. Giving PJ's hand a squeeze, Maggie sat down on the couch, lifting Tom to sit on her knees facing his Mum. PJ similarly situated Joe, but before they could say anything, Tom's innate curiosity took hold.

Very, very gently, Tom began to trace the area around PJ's eyes, glancing between him and Joe. After a few seconds, Joe became curious, and began to look between PJ and his brother too. He nodded over at Tom, before tom stopped and looked at Maggie.

"Blue," he said, once again tracing PJ's eyes and looking at Joe. "Like Joe and me. Big Blue and Little Blue!" he insisted, pointing between themselves and PJ.

Again PJ swallowed tightly, recognising the obvious similarities that his sons had inherited. "Yep. You've got blue eyes just like mine" he finally managed in a dry voice, closing those blue eyes tight as a wave of emotion ran through him. Maggie reached around and gently turned his face to her, placing a kiss on his lips, before their foreheads came to rest against one another's for a few moments.

Joe and Tom watched them, knowing something was happening, but not quite what it was. Joe glanced at his brother, their hands coming together in a show of brotherly reassurance, and then their gazes turned back to the couple on whose laps they were sitting.

"Mummy?"

Maggie took a deep breath, taking comfort in the small kiss that PJ placed against her hair.

"Tom, Joe, I have something important to tell you. You remember what important means?"

"Means to listen and then think hard?" Joe said, very proud of himself for having remembered. Important meant not poking your brother when Mummy was talking. Important meant listening to Mummy and not trying to see where the nearest footy was. Important meant actually listening.

PJ bit back a smile as both boys adopted identical earnest expressions, two pairs of blue eyes trained on their mother, ready to listen carefully. Maggie, smiled proudly at her sons.

"Certainly does. Well done Joe!" she leant forward and gave him a kiss on his nose, grinning as Tom placed his face right next to his brother's. "Me too Mummy, me too!"

"You too, Tom, love you too."

"God, I love you" PJ couldn't help himself.

"You love our Mummy?" Joe's eyes were wide.

"I – " PJ hadn't meant to say anything, but when Maggie nodded, he somehow found the words." I – yeah, I do. I love your Mummy, and, well, I – " he took a deep breath. "I love you two as well."

Tom and Joe exchanged long looks. They could see the wisdom loving their Mummy, after all, she was the Best Mummy In The World, but why would the man say he loved Joe and Tom? They'd never even met the man before!

"Boys, listen. This is PJ, and like I said, he's my friend. He's my best friend, and I've known him for a long time, even before you were born."

PJ bit back a grin at the expressions of surprise on his son's faces – yes, Mummy did have a life before them.

"Mummy used to live a long way from here, in a place called Mount Thomas" PJ said, "And she and I used to work in the local Police Station."

"Mummy 'tective? Like on tv?" Tom asked, eyes wide with wonder.

PJ grinned at the wonder in his son's voice, puffing out his chest with pride. "Not quite, Mummy wasn't the Detective, but I was. Mummy wore a uniform, and she worked with me."

"Mummy good as 'tectives" Joe said stubbornly, sensing PJ's unconscious boast. Not matter how he tried, PJ had always seen Detectives to be superior to the Uniformed branch.

"That's my boy," Maggie grinned proudly, laughing as Tom tried to smack PJ for being, as they saw it, mean to their Mum. "Hey! You're right boys, but go easy on your Dad, he doesn't know any better!"


	41. Chapter 41

41

41

Dad. She'd called him Dad. While her words just about made PJ's day, he was a little worried as to how the boys would take it. They hadn't exactly sat down and talked about how they were going to tell the boys. There hadn't really had the time to do that before Kay had dropped them off and Maggie had spoken without thinking.

PJ met her worried eyes as both he and Maggie sat and waited for the boys to react to her words. While they both knew that he was their father, and PJ couldn't help but smile at that thought, telling the boys that he was their Dad was a whole other thing. His small smile eased Maggie's mind, and she smiled back at him.

Tom and Joe, however, were oblivious to the tension that their parents were under.

''tective PJ? You hear? Mummy says Uniforms good as 'tectives, so there!" Tom said, risking a glance at his brother, before struggling to his feet, small chubby hands placed on his hips, his stance daring PJ to disagree. Joe, as ever protective of his Mum, and thoroughly agreeing with his twin, soon stood beside Tom, and it was a struggle for PJ to keep his emotions in check as he watched his sons, a sudden realisation of everything that he'd missed out on flashing across his face.

"It's ok, boys," he finally managed in what sounded to Maggie like a voice dangerously close to tears. "It's ok. I'm not having a go at your Mum. I think she's a wonderful Mum, and you are the luckiest boys in the world to have her as your Mummy." He looked up at Maggie as he spoke, and Tom glanced at Maggie, before looking over at Joe in confusion. 'Tective PJ was sad now?

"'tective PJ? You sad? Hug? Mummy likes hugs when she sad" Tom said, as Joe moved over and climbed up onto PJ's stomach, reaching up to wrap his small arms around his Dad's neck. "Is ok, we like 'tectives too. Mummy likes 'tectives, and me and Joe do too. See?"

Tom had reached over and taken Maggie's hand, pulling her over towards PJ. "Mummy? 'tective PJ sad, you need to hug him better." Maggie took her son's advice, and wrapped PJ into a hug, and Tom, having stood back and admired his handiwork, leapt into the fray, worming his way between his parents where he found a rather squashed Joe.

The family bear hug only stayed in place for a few seconds before both boys began to struggle to be free, and PJ suddenly shuddered as a small foot kicked him in an area no man should ever be kicked in, Maggie wincing in sympathy as she saw tears of pain form in his eyes.

"Mags, ah," PJ said, struggling to find his voice, and Maggie rolled the boys off her and PJ.

"That's enough now you two. Why don't you two go and grab your footy and have a kickaround in the back garden?"

Tom and Joe yelped with happiness, all thoughts of sad 'tectives long forgotten at the mention of football. "Yay!! Mummy, you come too?"

Maggie looked over at PJ, who was now sitting up against the wall, watching his family, smiling widely despite the pain. "Ah, not at the moment sweetheart, I think I'll stay with PJ here for a little while."

Tom looked over at PJ, and, seeing that he still didn't look completely happy, he wandered over to PJ, holding a hand out towards him." 'tective PJ come play?"

PJ smiled at his son. "Mate, I think I'll stay here too, but thanks for the offer. Maybe later?"

Tom glanced over at Joe, who reached over and took Maggie's hand, pulling her back to PJ. "Mummy, you play with 'tective PJ, and me and Joe will play footy. " he told them, placing Maggie's hand in PJ's and smiling at them both, before running out into the back garden.

PJ smiled at Maggie as the screen door closed behind their sons. "I love you Maggie Doyle," he said softly, wrapping his arms around you. "You have no idea how much I love you. Those boys, they're, Mags, they're – "

"Big foot?" Maggie grinned, glancing down.

"Just like their daddy" PJ grinned back, before glancing down as well. "Don't worry, I'm fine, although if you wanted to check for yourself…"

"PJ Hasham!" Maggie glared at him, before breaking into a grin. "Maybe later." And she couldn't help but laugh at the expression that flew across PJ's face. "Come on, you. Up you get," she said, pulling herself to her feet and holding out a hand to PJ. He stood up carefully, wrapping her into a hug.

"Like I said, Doyley, I love you," and he drew her into a kiss. "Listen, about before," PJ paused, unsure about to say what was running through his mind. She'd called him Dad. She'd called him Dad in front of the boys. They'd not picked up on it, it seemed, but still, they needed to figure out what they were going to say.

"You mean when I called you Dad?" Maggie said, to the point as ever.

"Ah, well, yes." PJ said, leading her over to the couch and sitting down, wrapping an arm around her but still keeping the boys in sight. "I think that we need to figure out what we're going to say Mags. I want to tell them, but, well, I've not really had that much experience around kids their age, and I don't know how to relate to them, I don't know how to talk to them."

"I'd say you're doing just fine PJ. They like you. Usually they're hesitant around men, they love Luka, but, well, he's an exception, and he's just a big kid anyway. On the whole, they're hesitant around men. Probably because they've only ever really been around me, or something. I suppose there's Dan too, but, he doesn't really count, and they like you, which is a huge step."

At the mention of Dan, PJ flinched slightly. That was a subject that he'd have to talk to her about later, but not now. Maggie too flinched when she saw PJ's reaction.

"PJ, I'm sorry."

PJ looked up, giving her a small smile before reaching over and placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

"Mags, it's ok"

"No, it's not. PJ listen to me. I can understand what you're thinking, but you have nothing to worry about. I love you PJ. You know that. Dan and me, we were only ever friends. I needed a friend, and he was there, but I promise you PJ, there was never anything else. Just friendship. There wasn't room for anything else, because even when I didn't know it was you, I still knew that I was desperately missing the man I'd loved so much. Geez, I'm waffling." Maggie sat up, pulling away from him slightly so that she could look him in the eyes as she spoke.

"PJ. I love you. I love you more than I ever thought possible. You're who I dreamed about, you're who I craved when I couldn't sleep, and you're who I want every single second of the day. I don't know how to put it any other way. I am in love with you, always have been, and always will be. Even when I thought I had been married, and they showed me the pictures of my supposed husband, I just knew that something wasn't right, because he wasn't you – "

PJ leaned up and kissed her. He kissed her until they both had to come up for air. "I know you love me, Mags, and I love you too. I'm sorry, I suppose I just – well, I - Mags, I missed you so much, and I guess knowing you've been up here, getting on with life without me – and before you say it, I know you weren't really getting on without me, cos you didn't remember me, it's just that - " PJ stopped, and took a deep breath, before smiling at her. "Now who's waffling?" he said with a grin.

"OK. So, I love you. I love you just as much as you love me. Actually, I love you in ways you can't even imagine, but more about that later" he said, with a suggestive waggle of his eyebrows, laughter erupting as she reached up out of his hug and whacked him on his arm.

"No, you know what I mean," he said, smiling as she wrapped his arms around her again. "We know how we feel about each other, and we know that, well, I know that I never want to lose you again. I want to be with you for the rest of my life Mags," he said, watching her eyebrows raise in surprise and a delighted smile flow across her face. "And yes, I was talking about what you think I'm talking about, and right now I have to kiss you again before I can do anymore talking" PJ said, promptly doing just what he'd just said.

Several minutes later, PJ once again surfaced, groaning as he did so. "Maggie Doyle," he shifted slightly against the couch. "Mags, we need to stop doing that, or I won't be held accountable for my actions"

Maggie sighed, moving slightly out of temptation's range. Taking a deep breath, she grinned at PJ. "Me either, PJ. Me either."

A shriek of laughter from the back garden broke the moment, and, truth be told, both Maggie and PJ were relieved. Much as they wanted it, reconnecting like that would have to wait until they were alone, and besides, there was the question of how to tell their sons that their father was alive, well and sitting in the lounge watching them play footy.

"Yeah, ah, so the boys then. How are we going to tell them that I'm their Daddy?" PJ asked, jumping slightly as the football rolled into view by his feet.

"Daddy?" A small voice said from his elbow, and PJ turned to see Joe staring up at him, a small scared look on his face.


	42. Chapter 42

For Helen, the Queen of Drawing Things Out…..who's de daddy??

C ;)

* * *

42

Seconds later another small voice piped up.

"You not Daddy! Daddy in Heaven!! Mummy said so!" Tom said angrily. "Mummy says telling lies is bad, so you BAD, 'tective PJ, YOU BAD!" and he reached over and grabbed Joe's hand, dragging his worried brother over to Maggie, where they both climbed up onto her lap and cuddled into her.

Maggie automatically wrapped her arms around them, tears filling her eyes as the impact of Tom's words sank in. Both boys were glaring at PJ, fury written all over their faces.

"BAD!" Joe growled, echoed by Tom.

Maggie glanced over at PJ, her heart breaking at the pain that was etched across his face. They hated him. His sons hated him. PJ ran a hand across his face, his heart breaking into a thousand shattered pieces. Opening his eyes, he stood up.

"Mags, I'm going to get going. I'm sorry if I upset you two," he said, kneeling down in front of the boys, startled when Tom sat up in his mother's lap and shoved PJ as hard as he could.

"Not Daddy, not. You BAD, 'tective PJ. You tell lies and you BAD, and Mummy cry, and - " and he hopped off Maggie's lap, kicking and pushing PJ as hard as he could, PJ collapsing back onto the floor under the onslaught. Maggie tried to get up to pull him off PJ, but she was hampered by a screaming Joe, terrified at his brother's antics, and at the tension that had filled the room.

"Thomas!!" Maggie yelled, as PJ finally managed to get hold of a ferociously squirming Tom, wrapping both arms around his son and holding him tight against his lap.

"Tom, stop it, please. Right now," she said, scooting forward on the couch as best she could, Joe continuing to cling to her like a limpet.

"Let go!" Tom yelled at PJ, fighting to get free, to get to his Mum as Maggie sat down on the floor next to them. "BAD 'tective, let me go!!"

PJ glanced over at Maggie, a small trickle of blood trailing down his chin as the effects of Tom's rage kicked in. "Mags, I – " he took a deep breath, fighting back the sob that was threatening to escape.

"No," she said, with just as much emotion both in her. "No, you're not going anywhere. This needs to be sorted out, and it needs to be sorted out now. If you go so that the boys can 'calm down' it'll just give them more time to think about it and work themselves up even more. PJ, please, you have to stay here and we have to sort this out now." Maggie was quiet, her heart beating erratically, her mind filling up with all sorts of ideas. Maybe he did want to go, maybe this was all too much and he wanted out, maybe – and he kissed her. Softly, gently, and with as much love as he could summon, PJ kissed Maggie, drawing her into a one armed hug as each other arm held a twin tightly to them.

Tom, still struggling slightly, looked up at 'tective PJ as he kissed his Mummy. Mummy wasn't sad now, she was, Tom frowned, she was, well she was sort of happy. She was holding on to Joe tightly, just like 'tective PJ was holding him, and she was kissing 'tective PJ, which wasn't something sad people did, cos Mummy was happy when she kissed him and Joe, and she - Tom sighed. He really had no idea what was going on.

When Mummy and 'tective PJ pulled apart, Tommy looked very closely at them. Mummy was staring at 'tective PJ, a small smile playing around her mouth. She rested her head against his, both of their eyes shut, as if they were drawing strength from each other. Tom glanced over at Joe, who was seeing the same thing. Without saying anything, each twin came to the conclusion that Mummy liked 'tective PJ. She liked him a lot. And, if they thought about it, he liked Mummy too. They could tell, just by the way he looked at her, the way he acted around her. The way he had made him and Joe laugh and feel safe, the way he had –

Daddy.

He had called himself Daddy.

Which wasn't right at all, cos Mummy had said that Daddy was in Heaven, and Mummies aren't allowed to lie to their little boys. It was a Rule, with a capital R, and everyone knows that those are the ones that never, ever, EVER get broken.

Twisting slightly, Tom sat in PJ's lap, still held in place by a strong arm. He startled slightly at the sight of blood on PJ's chin, and for some odd reason felt a tear start to fall down his small cheek.

"I sorry, 'tective PJ. I not mean to bleed you." He said sadly, reaching over for his Mum. "I sorry Mummy."

"Sorry too," Joe whispered from deep inside Maggie's comforting arms.

Surprisingly for Tom, it was 'tective PJ who spoke first.

"We know you're sorry mate. I know it wasn't on purpose. You just had a fright, and I'm sorry you found out that way." PJ gently lifted Tom up off his lap and sat him on the couch, smiling over at Joe as Maggie did the same.

"Listen. Your Mum and I need to talk to you. We need you to listen to us, and it might be a bit scary, but I want you to listen all the way through before you say anything, ok?" Tom looked over at Joe, before they nodded in unison.

Maggie moved over so that she was sitting next to PJ on the coffee table, facing their sons. She slid her small hand into his, facing the boys as a couple, with strength, and most of all, as it was becoming more and more obvious to both boys, with love.


	43. Chapter 43

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Having made his declaration, PJ was instantly stumped for words. Glancing over at Maggie, who sat close beside him, he took a deep breath, almost sighing in relief as Maggie beat him to it.

"You two know how much I love you both, right?" the boys nodded at her, and PJ smiled at the sight. Both boys clearly adored their Mum, loved her with only the adoration that children their age can have. She was their world, and anyone that threatened their Mum, or made her sad as he had, well they would stand up for her with everything that they had.

"Love you Mummy," Joe said softly, and Tom nodded, glancing over at PJ, who gave him a smile in return.

"And I love you too Joe, and you Tom. I really truly do. And I know that you must be feeling a bit confused and scared at the moment, but so are we. PJ and I, we – well – ok. He's telling you the truth. I know it's hard to take in, and I know it seems like I lied to you, but PJ is telling you the truth. He is your Daddy."

Tom sat still on the couch, his little mind confused and bewildered. Beside him, Joe's expression matched his twin's, and it almost broke PJ's heart.

"I know it's scary, and I know it's hard to understand. You have to believe me, though; your Mummy didn't lie to you." PJ said gently. "I know it seems like she did, and I know that she said your Daddy was in Heaven, and now she's saying that I'm your Daddy, but you need to listen carefully and we'll try to explain, ok?"

After what seemed like an eternity to PJ and Maggie, both Tom and Joe nodded, scrunching tighter together, their hands seeking out each other's and holding on tightly. Maggie's heart almost broke at the worry and confusion she saw on their faces, while at the same time swelling in pride at the close bond they shared with one another.

"Ok," She took another deep breath and began to try to explain. "Ok. So, well, a long time before you were born, Mummy used to live in a place called Mount Thomas. It's a long way from here, but it's a beautiful place. There are lots of farms, a fantastic footy oval – " she grinned as two sets of identical blue eyes lit up at that revelation.

"Thought you'd like that! Anyway, you'll just have to take my word for it, Mount Thomas is a great place to live. Anyway, 'tective PJ and I lived there for a long time, and he was my best friend. And then' over time, well, we started to go out together."

"Where did you go?" tom asked, but it was the more astute and insightful Joe that saw what his Mummy was trying to say.

"Like Mummies and Daddies do?" came Joe's quiet voice.

PJ smiled inwardly, Joe's answer intuitive and insightful, just like his Mum.

"Yes mate," PJ answered with a smile. "Yes, your Mummy and I started to go out like Mummies and Daddies do. I fell in love with her, guys, I loved your Mummy so much, and after a while we started talking about getting married"

"And you love 'tective PJ too Mummy?" Tom asked curiously.

"Yes, I loved him too, sweetheart. I loved him lots and lots. As much as you two love your chocolate ice-cream" Maggie revealed, and PJ couldn't help his laughter at the expressions on his son's faces.

"Wow!" Joe said, eyes wide, glancing at Tom. "That's lots and lots and lots!! "Tective PJ, you love Mummy like chocolate ice-cream too?"

Tom was clutching Joe's hand tightly as he waited for PJ to answer. If they were totally honest, they liked 'tective PJ. Liked him lots and lot – chocolate ice-cream lots. He made Mummy smile, and anyone that made Mummy smile made them smile. The only thing that worried them was this thing about him being their Daddy. It couldn't be true, cos Daddy was in Heaven, but there was Mummy, sitting there right in front of them, not looking like she was lying ( which wasn't allowed anyway), there was Mummy saying that 'tective PJ was their Daddy, and – and it was all so confusing…..

"If it's at all possible, I love your Mummy MORE than chocolate ice-cream. Lots and lots and lots more" PJ told them, turning slightly to smile at Maggie, who couldn't help herself, placing a soft kiss on his lips.

"I love you too PJ" she said, lavishing him with a brilliant smile, before turning her attention back to their wide-eyed sons.

"So does that tell you how special it was? How much I cared about your Mummy, and how much she cared about me?"

Joe and Tom nodded, finally understanding how much Mummy and 'tective PJ loved each other.


	44. Chapter 44

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"So you still love Mummy now?" Tom asked, followed a second later by Joe asking Maggie her version of the same question. Satisfied by the answers, both Joe and Tom smiled huge matching smiles, their blue eyes twinkling with happiness.

"Ok," Maggie brought them back to the reason they were all sitting there. "So now you know that 'tective PJ and I loved each other lots and lots. Well, we were really happy for a long time, and then something bad happened, and Mummy had an accident." At the scared looks that they gave her, Maggie immediately moved to reassure them. "Don't look so scared, I'm ok, I'm right here aren't I? I'm absolutely fine now. Now, you know that before you two were born, Mummy had a bad accident, the one that gave me the mark near my heart?"

Tom nodded, Joe scrunching up tighter to his twin, who held his hand tightly. Maggie paused, before continuing, knowing that this would be hard to hear.

"Well, when Mummy got hurt, when I had that accident, I was in the hospital for a long time, and it wasn't a hospital near 'tective PJ, so he didn't know what was going on. Nobody told 'tective PJ where I was, so he was very sad and he thought I'd gone to Heaven." Maggie said, doing her utmost to simplify what had been the most traumatic time of her life so that her small sons could understand.

"But Mummy, why didn't you tell 'tective PJ? Why you not stand up and say' here I am, here I am' like Tom and I do when he can't find me when we play hide and seek?" Joe asked.

"See that's the thing, sweetheart. When I eventually did wake up in the hospital, something funny had happened to my head, and I couldn't remember anything. You know how you sometimes forget to do things, like when you went to Kay's house last week and you couldn't find your gumboots, and then we found them hidden in the back of your cupboard where you'd put them cos they made you feet feel squelchy?" Tom nodded, transfixed by the story.

"Well, when Mummy woke up in the hospital, I couldn't remember anything. I couldn't remember my name, I didn't remember Mount Thomas, and I didn't remember anything about 'tective PJ at all."

Tom glanced over at 'tective PJ as Mummy said that, and his little heart clenched with sadness at the look on 'tective PJ's face. Scooting forward on the sofa, Tom reached out and patted PJ's leg.

"It's ok, 'tective PJ. Mummy loves you now, she loves you like chocolate ice-cream now," he said comfortingly, and PJ had to bite back his emotions.

"I love her too, son," he managed, and to his surprise, Tom didn't mind being called son. Somehow it didn't seem to upset him quite as much as it had done before.

"Yeah, ok, so ah – " Maggie too bit back her tears, and Joe moved forward to give his Mum a hug, before wriggling back into place next to Tom on the couch.

"So," she gathered herself and kept going. "So I woke up in the hospital, and I was all confused, and then some doctors and some policemen thought they would help me and they told me a story. You see, some bad people had tried to hurt me, and when I woke up in the hospital and I couldn't remember anything, the doctors and policemen thought it might be better if I moved away from Mount Thomas and started again in a different place. So they didn't tell me anything about 'tective PJ, and because I had forgotten anything, I didn't remember him anyway." Maggie stopped again, glancing over at PJ, who gave her a supportive smile, before replacing that with an even more supportive kiss.

"Mummy? " Joe was very inquisitive, much more so than his brother. Maggie smiled at him, before nodding at him to continue. "Mummy, why didn't 'tective PJ come and get you then?" he asked, turning his blue eyes on PJ.


	45. Chapter 45

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PJ sighed. "Your Mum couldn't remember me at all mate, and down in Mount Thomas, the doctors had told me that your Mummy was really badly hurt and well, they told me that she had gone to Heaven because she'd been hurt so much when the bad men came. I was really, really sad, and I cried and cried for a very long time. Your Mummy had lots of friends in Mount Thomas, and we all cried for days and days, and they had to look after me because I was so sad. I never thought I'd see your Mummy again." PJ said, his voice breaking slightly.

Joe leaned forward, giving PJ the patented Hasham smile. "S Ok, tective PJ, Mummy's here, and she loves you lots and lots."

"I know she is, and you will never know how happy that makes me," PJ said, returning the Hasham charm, giving both his sons and their mother a look that spoke volumes. "I love your Mummy, and you two so much."

"We love you too," Tom said reassuringly. "Love you lots 'tective PJ"

PJ's heart soared at his son's words, and it was his turn to have to bite back tears.

"So what happened next?" Joe asked, wanting to hear more of the story. "Tective PJ all sad in Mutt Thomas, and Mummy all sad here. What happened next?"

"Well, I had to try to get on with my life without your Mummy, but it was very hard to do, and I didn't really want to." PJ said softly. "My friends, well, mine and Mummy's friends from Mount Thomas, we cried for a long time, and we missed Mummy so much, but after a long time, we had to start to get on with our lives, and we had to go out and start to catch the bag guys again." PJ explained.

"Did you catch the bag guys who hurt Mummy? Tom asked curiously, and Maggie was curious too. That was something that they hadn't really talked about, who had actually shot her. Realisation dawned in PJ, and it was all he could do not to let his true feeling show as he thought about exactly whom it was who had shot Maggie. Feeling her eyes bore into him, PJ did his best to hide it, turning to his sons and simplifying things once again.

"Yes, we did, and he's in jail now, and you don't have to worry, he won't be getting out." Hanging his head slightly, he glanced over at Maggie. "Later sweetheart. I'll tell you later, I promise" and he looked so worried, so distraught that Maggie let it go, storing his reactions away, worry beginning to gnaw at her. PJ sighed, he'd not wanted to get into this, he'd not wanted her to know, because it was going to hurt her so much. But he couldn't hide it, not really. She was bound to want to know, and he was going to have to tell her. "Mags, please, just leave it for now. Trust me sweetheart, I know what I'm doing"

Looking deep into his eyes, Maggie saw the love that he held for her, and also saw that whatever it was he wasn't saying was upsetting enough to hide from their sons. And so, with their sons in mind, she relented, kissing him quickly before turning back to the twins.

"Tective PJ? What about me and Joe?" Tom asked into the silence.

"What about you two?" PJ asked, his grin returning to his face. "You mean why didn't I come and find you?" Tom nodded.

"Well, you see, you know how Mummy said she didn't remember anything about me and Mount Thomas? Well it worked both ways. I didn't know anything abut you two either. I had no idea that you two were up here, being born, and growing up like you have. I didn't know there was a Tom, or a Joe," he turned to each twin as he spoke. "If I had known about you, I would have been up here like a shot, being with Mummy when she was pregnant, being at the hospital when you were born, and watching you grow up every single day. You have to believe that." PJ said, reaching out and running a finger down each of their small faces. "I am so sorry that I missed that, and I will do everything I can to make it up to you."

"And – " he looked over at Maggie. "You have to forgive your Mummy too. She didn't lie to you, she really did think that your Daddy was in Heaven, because that's what the doctors and the policemen told her."

"Mummy?" Joe said, his blue eyes alight with questions again

"It's true. I thought that your Daddy was in Heaven, because the doctors told me that, and I believed them. They told me that I had been in a car crash, and that your Daddy had gone to Heaven after that crash. They didn't tell me about 'tective PJ, and I couldn't remember him. Peej, I'm – "

"I know sweetheart. I know" PJ said.

Taking a deep breath, he continued. "So. Mummy was up here, pregnant with you two, and I was down in Mount Thomas, missing her like crazy and with no idea that you two were on your way. And that's how it continued. Mummy had you two and you all lived up here, thinking your Daddy was in Heaven, and there I was, alive and well in Mount Thomas with no idea that you two even existed. It wasn't Mummy's fault, she didn't know about me, and it wasn't my fault, because I thought that your Mummy was in Heaven. If you want to blame anyone, blame the doctors and policemen that lied to Mummy and me for so long." PJ said, with a touch of venom in his voice.

Maggie sighed, bowing her head and controlling the anger that she too felt at those who had deceived her. Shaking it away, she sat up, giving PJ's hand a supportive squeeze. He smiled at her, knowing that they would talk it out later, but for mow, the boys were more important, knowing he had to get them to understand that he was their Daddy, and that he loved them just like a father should.

"So, I know it's a lot to take in, but can you understand it? Can you see that I'm your Daddy? Can you see that your Mummy's telling the truth, and I am your Daddy, and that I love you so much?"


	46. Chapter 46

"Aaaand just here" Gino Cantorelli said, pointing to the last space on the contract, watching as Zoe signed her name with a fl

"Aaaand just here" Gino Cantorelli said, pointing to the last space on the contract, watching as Zoe signed her name with a flourish. "That's it. Welcome to the practice Dr. Schultz." He grinned, watching as Zoe smiled.

It hadn't taken long for them to arrange the move back from the city, what with Nick already working back in Mount Thomas on a temporary transfer. It was fortunate for Zoe that Gino Cantorelli had been looking for someone to work part time with him in the local practice, he'd been wanting to slow down for years, and had come to Mount Thomas two years before thinking it would be a quiet little place where he could slowly wind down and prepare for retirement.

His rueful shake of his head caught Zoe's interest. "What?"

"Hmm? Oh, I was just thinking. I hope you know what you're letting yourself in for. This place isn't as quiet as it seems. Looking at it, you'd think this place was peaceful, but you'd be surprised what goes on. I've had to do all sorts of things over the past two years – and I should stop right now before you run screaming for the hills" Gino said, sliding the contract over towards him and holding it rather tightly. Zoe surprised him with a burst of laughter, and Gino stared back at her, confusion stamped across his features.

"Gino, you have nothing to worry about. I used to live here, about six years ago. I know exactly how this place works, believe you me," she said with a grin.

Gino looked at her, her name suddenly causing a flash of recognition. "Hang on, Schultz? Any relation to our new policeman, you know, the one that the kids are calling the 'Jolly Green Giant'?" he said, a grin lighting up his face.

"That'd be my husband Nick. And he's been here even longer than me, he definitely knows his way around the mean streets of Mount Thomas. And a word to the wise, don't let Nick hear you calling him that, he hates it, and you don't want to make him mad…." Zoe said with a glint in her eye.

Gino gave her a confused, slightly worried look, and Zoe realised her film reference had fallen flat. "Jolly Green Giant? Green? You don't want to make him mad?"

"Er…" Gino hesitated.

"Incredible Hulk. Big green man. It's a film. Sorry, you'll get used to me after a while." Zoe grinned, finally seeing realisation dawn in Gino's eyes.

"Aaah, I see. Now I remember. Wasn't that a show on TV back in the dark ages or something?" Gino said with a smile.

"I think – " she was interrupted by the squeak of her mobile phone, announcing that she had a new message. " Hang on, it's the Jolly Green Giant himself, and it looks like he's requesting my presence at the Station."

"Off you go then, we're all done here. I'll see you bright and early on Monday then?" Gino said, standing up and walking Zoe to the door.

Zoe quickly made her way down to the Police Station, crossing her fingers that nothing had gone wrong. It was the right thing for them to do, coming back here. She'd been wanting to move back to Mount Thomas for a while now, and if he was honest about it, Nick had too. If he'd managed to muck it up – Zoe restrained herself, stopping short of plotting murder, but her eyes were blazing as she ran into the Station a few minutes later.

"Nick, what's – " she started, coming to a stop, her worried eyes meeting Nick's smug look and the rest of the Station's confused gaze.

"Thought you might want to see this," Nick said, as he signed his new contract with a flourish. "After all, it's not every day that this Station is saved by the arrival of its very own superstar, now is it?"

"You made me run all the way from the surgery to see you write your name?" Zoe said, her temper rising, and a grinning Having whipped the contract from Nick's grasp the second he finished his signature, (being fully aware of Zoe's fiery temperature when it came to her husband), Tom backed off with a huge grin on his face. Following Tom's lead, both Susie and Jonsey backed off too, interested in exactly how Nick would be whipped into shape.

He'd wandered into the station that morning, as though it was his own little empire. Walked through the front door, wandered into the main body of the Station being watched by a very confused Susie Raynor (who'd done the roster, and knew that Nick wasn't on that day), and had sat down at his desk, laying back in his chair and placing his feet up on his desk. Arriving a few minutes later, Tom Croydon groaned when he saw what awaited him in his Station.

"You're well and truly back aren't you, Shultz? Make yourself at home, why don't you?"

Nick had grinned over at Tom, his grin widening as Tom laid his briefcase down on a desk, and pulled out Nick's new contract. Nick had taken his time reading through the three sheets of paper, 'umming and ahhing' every now and then before placing it back down on his desk again.

"Now what Shultz?" Tom asked, making a pretty good effort to reign in his emotions. The only constant thought going round and round on a loop in his head was 'exactly WHY had he agreed to the return of the One, The Only Nicholas Schultz again?'

"Just a few small suggestions, and then all will be well with the world again," Nick said with a grin. "Tea every morning at eleven, and a packet of Tim-Tams delivered at five to eleven. Sounds good, don't you think, Boss?" He delved into his pocket, pulling out his phone, texting as he spoke. "Yes, I know Boss, who'd have thought it, Nick Schultz up to date with technology, but you can't get left behind in this fine world of ours you know. Hang on… " and then with a flourish, he was done, tucking the phone back into his pocket. "There. She'll be over in a minute, and then you can all begin to celebrate the permanent arrival of the One and Only Sergeant Nicholas Shultz! Won't that be fun?"

Nick grinned at the stunned expression on Jonsey and Susie's faces. Though he'd been around for nearly ten days, it was only now that it seemed his real personality had revealed itself to the world. Neither had really got to know him yet, he'd understandably been fairly pre-occupied with what PJ had been going through, as had the Boss, and then he'd been up there with everyone, discovering Maggie again and living through everything that that had entailed. He'd not been deliberately withdrawn from them, it was just that they hadn't spent that much time with him yet. What they did know was that Nick was very loyal to his friend, and that he was, despite his boasting, a very good copper according to the personnel file that they had dug up.

The door swung open behind them, and a very out of breath Zoe rushed in, catching everyone's attention.

"Nick, what's – " and then she frowned as she watched Nick sign his name. He was not serious. He hadn't made her run all the way over here just to watch him sign his name?

Nick had grinned up at her as he finished signing, and Tom whipped the contract away as he saw the expression on Zoe's face. Even Nick's grin faltered slightly as he got to his feet.

"Yeah, ah. So Zoe, love of my life, my darling wonderful wife…..how'd your morning go? You get all sorted out at the Surgery then?" He asked, coming round and wrapping her in a hug, trying not to make it too obvious that he was gently herding her out of the Station.

Zoe stood firm. "Nicholas Schultz. You dragged me all the way down here, away from my meeting with Dr. Cantorelli just to watch you sign on the dotted line for a job that you're already doing?"

Nick looked around him, feeling a slight twinge of panic at Zoe's words. He was supposed to be building up a reputation as a smooth operator, someone who had the world bang to rights, and here he was being whipped into shape by his wife? Ok, so said wife was the woman whom he adored and would go to the ends of the world for, but still, Nick was supposed to be his own man, to be a –

"Have I told you I love you today? Cos I do, my sweet, I love you to the moon and back" he tried.

"Hmm. Well you're going to have to prove that to me, you great lug," Zoe said, trying to hold her frown in place as she watched Nick crumble before her. "Honestly, I could throttle you sometimes. It's a damn good thing I love you as much as I do, Nicholas Shultz," she sighed, coming round and drawing him into a hug. Turning slightly, she looked over to see Tom smiling at her, his grin mirrored by those of Susie and Jonsey.

"You all done with him Tom?" she asked and Tom nodded. "Actually," Zoe glanced down at her watch, "You know what? Me and Nick are going to pop down to the pub and buy you all lunch, how does that sound?"

"Zooooooooooooooooooeee!!" Nick whined, grinning as he wrapped his arms around his wife as they left.


	47. Chapter 47

Thanks to the lovely Helen and Sarah for reviewing. Sarah, I know it was a jump to go from PJ, Maggie and the twins back to Nick and Zoe, but I was trying to show that life in Mt thomas is running parallel to life up wherever it is that PJ and Maggie are ( I've just realised that I never quite said exactly where it was!). Anyway, I wanted to set up the fact that Nick and Zoe would be in Mt Thomas full time when PJ brings Mags and the twins home, hence that last chapter. Sorry if it confuzzled you.

This next chapter is a rather long one, but it all flowed so well that I didn't really want to split it. Happy reading folks, and thanks in advance for feedback.

C

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47

"So" Tom said with a voice full of importance, as he, Joe and Luka sat outside later, "Tective PJ isn't 'tective PJ, he's 'tective Daddy, and me and Mummy and Joe are going on a plane to Mutt Thomas to see where Mummy used to live before me and Joe were alive and we're going to see 'tective Daddy's house too. AND we're going to his work and we'll see the policemen, and the jail, and I'm going to ask Mummy if I can be a 'tective too, and wear a badge and drive a fast car and catch the bad guys," and when he ran out of breath, Joe took up the story.

"And look, see my blue eyes? 'Tective Daddy has blue eyes too, just like mine and Tom's, and 'tective Daddy loves lemon cheesecake too, and he likes the Pies and we like pies too, but " Joe frowned in concentration. " 'Tective Daddy says the Pies aren't pies, he says that they're a football team, and that we'll like them too, but I think he's being silly and he means apple pie, cos that makes more sense and me and Tom LOVE apple pie – "

PJ stood in the kitchen, his arms wrapped around Maggie as they watched their sons chatter outside. Resting his chin on her shoulder, PJ placed a gentle kiss on her temple.

"In case it's escaped your notice since I last told you, Maggie Doyle, I love you. You and those chatterbox sons of mine, who, I may add are doing more chattering than they have in the entire time I've known them, but Mags, you and them, you're all I ever want in life." Tightening the hug for a moment, he then released her and came to stand beside her as they watched Tom and Joe waffle on in excitement. "Listen Mags, are – well, are you sure about this? I mean, we can stay up here for longer if you want, there's no rush. We don't have to go back just yet, we can – "

Effectively shutting him up with a kiss, Maggie turned once again wrapping him in a hug so that her face was hidden in the crook of his shoulder. Holding him tightly to her for a few seconds, she placed a gentle kiss on his neck, before moving back slightly and looking up at him.

"They do that, Tom and Joe. They can talk with Luka for hours and hours. He, I don't know, he just 'gets' them. I think he's nearer their level or something, even if he's nearer to us in age and even bigger than you in size. But, you know what I mean though?" Maggie smiled at the sound of her boys, her heart tight with love for them – for them and for the man who stood before her, looking slightly anxious. Standing on tiptoe, she reached up and kissed him.

"And PJ, shut up, you nut. I said we're going to Mount Thomas, so that's where we're going. I want to see it again, I – well, I'm kind of hoping that it might knock a few more bits of my memory into place, and before you get all worried, no I'm not expecting miracles, but it can't hurt, can it? And besides, it'll be nice for the boys to see where their Daddy lives, you heard them, and it'll be nice to see Tom – to see the Boss, I mean, it'll be nice to see him and Nick and Zoe again. I liked them PJ. Even though I don't quite remember them properly, I liked them. They care about me, whoever I am now, and I think they cared about Maggie a lot. No," she put up a finger to silence PJ, "You know what I mean. I know that I'm Maggie, PJ. I know that. I just, well, I just don't quite feel it properly yet."

Maggie sighed and took his hand, leading him over to the kitchen table, content that the boys were safe outside with Luka.

"I know it's weird, PJ. I know it doesn't make sense. I am Maggie Doyle. All the evidence points to that, and there's no doubt it's true. The photo's, the Boss, Nick and Zoe, you – even the snippets of memories I keep getting, they all tell me I'm Maggie Doyle. And it fits, it does, really. I look in the mirror and the feelings that I get when I think about the Boss, or the others, or even the Uniform, for god's sake, it all slots into place. I feel like Maggie Doyle. And the way I feel when I'm around you, like – like it's right, like I'm safe and loved, and wanted, that all feels true too. I know I love you PJ, I know I'm crazy in love with you and I never want to let you go again, but – "

PJ reached over and wove his fingers in amongst hers. "But you still don't see Maggie when you look in the mirror, do you? If someone asked you who you were, Maggie Doyle wouldn't be the first name that came to mind. You're not quite sure who you see, but it's not automatically 'Maggie' just yet,"

Maggie looked at him in surprise, before giving him a small smile. "You really do know me that well, don't you?" she said, smoothing her thumb over the back of his hand. "I – you're right. I feel like Maggie, I react the way she does, I'm in love with the man she's in love with, but – but I just don't see her yet. It's so frustrating, PJ – " she pushed the chair back, sighing as she went over to the window again, staring out at the two little boys. " They don't have that problem. Tom and Joe, they just see Mummy. They won't remember this; it won't make a difference to them, will it? It won't hurt them will it PJ?" she said, worry edging into her voice as she pushed her own confusion to the back of her mind.

PJ stood as well, knowing exactly what she was doing. Maggie always had put everyone before herself, worrying about how everyone else was coping first and then eventually thinking about herself almost as an afterthought. It had driven PJ crazy, still did, but he would let her get away with it for the moment.

"It won't hurt them Mags. You heard them; they can't wait to have a look around the Station. Our Tom loves the fact that the Boss has the same name, and I have a feeling that 'Grampa Tom' is going to spoil them rotten." PJ grinned.

"Grampa Tom?" Maggie said, grateful for the opportunity PJ was giving her, loving him all the more for it.

"Might work. The Boss'd love it, but – "

"Boss Tom? Mummy, me and Joe, we go and see Boss Tom? Now Mummy? "Tective Daddy now?" Tom said, pushing the kitchen door open and coming into the kitchen, followed by his twin and their best friend.

PJ grinned, scooping a twin up into each arm. "Not right now, but tomorrow." Tom gave him a look, and PJ translated. "One more sleep"

Tom frowned over at his brother. "Tective Daddy! Me and Joe and Luka want to go see Boss Tom NOW"

PJ glanced over at Maggie, who took Tom from him and sat him on her hip, waiting until he stopped wriggling. "Tom."

The wriggling continued.

"Tom!"

Joe watched his twin, wisely keeping quiet. Mummy didn't like it when Tom got cross. He didn't do it that often, but when Tom got cross, he really got cross.

Placing Tom down on the ground, Maggie knelt down next to her son and waited.

"Go NOW!!" Tom said crossly, stamping a small foot.

Still Maggie waited, as PJ looked on, his heart bursting with a mixture of love, pride and a small smattering of fear. It seemed that Tom really was rather good at getting mad. Glancing down at the twin in his arms, he found Joe staring at him with a slightly worried look.

"Love you Joe." PJ whispered. "I love Tom too, you know. He's cross though isn't he!"

Joe nodded at his Dad, relieved that even though Tom was being naughty, 'tective Daddy still loved them.

Taking a deep breath, PJ gently placed Joe on a chair, before kneeling down beside Maggie. Glancing over at her, "Crash course in parenting then?" he whispered out of the side of his mouth, his smile only for her. Maggie nodded, her smile hidden from her son.

"Tom" PJ said, turning the full force of his blue eyes on his son." Stop."

Tom stared up at his Dad, his little mouth falling open in surprise.

"Daddy?"

PJ blinked hard at the name, before regaining control.

"Tom, we can't go and see Boss Tom and the others today, and you know that. We've told you why. Can you remember why?"

Tom frowned, his previously stamping foot now scuffing the ground in front of him, and both Maggie and PJ knew that Tom knew full well why they couldn't go today.

"Tom?" Maggie said gently, smiling as Tom moved forward and laid his head on Maggie's shoulder. Turning slightly, she scooped him up in her arms, before standing and sitting down at the table with Tom on her lap. PJ stood too, lifting Joe onto his lap and giving him a hug as he did so.

"Pardon Tom?"

Tom eventually took his head out of the safety of his Mum's hug. " Cos the airplane is all full and it's too long to walk," he said in a small voice.

"That's right," Maggie said with a smile and a kiss. "So there's no use getting all cross, is there?" Tom shook his head. "So what do you say to me and Daddy for getting all cross like that?" Maggie prompted.

Tom glanced over at his Dad and his brother, before looking up at Maggie. "I sorry Mummy. " he whispered, reaching up to plant a huge sloppy kiss on her cheek, before scrambling off Maggie's lap and climbing up over Joe to place an identical sloppy kiss on PJ. "I sorry Daddy"

"Ouch!!" yelped Joe, and Tom knelt on his brother as he climbed back down, moving over to Maggie, "Tom!! Hurt!"

Tom sighed, before going over and placing a sloppy kiss on his brother's face (aiming for his cheek, but both PJ and Maggie had to bite back laughter when Joe shuddered and wiped his eye), "I sorry Joe"

Maggie smiled and stood up. "How about we have some lemon cheesecake and then we'll give Boss Tom a ring and tell him all about our plans for tomorrow? How's that sound?" and she had to grab the side of the table for support when she was tackled by two very happy little boys and their equally happy Dad, who caught her in his arms and drew her into a hug. A hug that was extended by a kiss, a kiss that became quite distracting for both Maggie and PJ, until a yell came from knee height beside them.

"Mummy!! Daddy, stop!! Cheesecake!"

"Please Tom" came a whisper from Joe. "Have to say please"

"Mummy, Daddy, please. No kiss, cheesecake! Please?"

And there was just enough cheesecake for everyone.


	48. Chapter 48

48

48

"Hey you!" Zoe grinned as Maggie and PJ came around the corner, PJ wheeling a trolley full of luggage, the twins perched on top of the suitcases. Coming to a stop in front of them, Zoe moved around to wrap Maggie in a hug.

"Welcome back!" she grinned, breaking the hug and watching as Joe and Tom slid off the trolley. Tom moved over and stood beside his Mum, looking up at Zoe with blue-eyed curiosity. Joe, meanwhile, had moved to stand slightly behind his Dad, a little more hesitant than his brother, but still watching just as curiously.

Kneeling down, Zoe held her hand out to Tom. "Hello there. You must be Mary"

Tom looked at Zoe, up at Maggie, before looking at Zoe again. "I not Mary! I Tom!!" he said indignantly. "Mummy, I not Mary!"

Maggie grinned, sweeping Tom up into her arms. "I know, Tom. How about we say hello to Zoe? You know how to do it," she said, setting her son back down on his feet. Tom hesitated, glancing up at Maggie, then over at PJ, who nodded. Taking a small step, Tom stood in front of Zoe, who had squatted down in front of him.

"Hello Zoo. My name Thomas David Draper. This," he turned slightly, reaching over and gently pulling Joe to stand beside him. "This is my brother, Joseph Nicholas Draper. We twins." Zoe nodded, going to stand up, but Tom stopped her, putting a small hand on her knee. "This is Mummy, and this" he looked over at PJ, "this my Daddy. He called 'tective PJ and Mummy called Mummy. OK?"

Zoe nodded, swallowing hard against the lump in her throat. "Pleased to meet you Thomas David Draper, and you too Joseph Nicholas Draper" she said, shaking each twin's hand gently, before standing up and glancing over at PJ and Maggie. PJ was looking off in any direction other than hers, and appeared to be blinking hard. Maggie, wrapped safely in his arms was scrambling for a tissue in her bag. As Zoe watched, Tom became aware of his parents, and worried, he rushed over to Maggie.

"Mummy? Daddy, why Mummy sad?"

PJ gazed up at the ceiling, blinking back his own tears, before squatting down in front of Tom and Joe, holding out an arm to them, his other hand tightly woven with Maggie's.

"Mummy's not sad, sweetheart, and neither am I. We're not sad. It's just – " he stopped.

"Daddy?" Joe said, confusion written all over his face.

"Happy tears, sweetie," Maggie said. "We're just happy because we love you so much. And because you love your Daddy, and - "

"We do love Daddy, and you love Daddy too, cos you kiss him lots and lots, but why you sad? And why Zoo sniffly too?" Tom was still confused.

"I think it's just a bit of a cold," Zoe said with a smile. It was all so perfect. They were such a family, such a complete little family. Both boys obviously adored their Mum, and it looked like they had accepted PJ as their Dad and loved him too. She felt a small nudge against her leg, and looked down to see Joe standing there.

"What is it Sweetheart?"

Joe beckoned at her, and Zoe knelt down next to him, laughing out loud as he whispered in her ear.

"What?" PJ said, watching as Zoe stood up, a wide smile on her face. "What did you tell her?" he asked Joe. Maggie was curious as well, before she suddenly remembered.

"Very kind of you Joe," she said with a huge smile. Now PJ was really confused, looking between Maggie, his son's and Zoe with an expression that Maggie suddenly realised she had seen time and time again painted across her son's faces when they had no idea what was going on around them.

"I think Joe here, was just giving Zoe some very wise information, weren't you matey?" Maggie said with a grin. "How about you tell Daddy too? He might need to know as well,"

Joe straightened himself up, because, after all, this was very important information.

"If you sniffly, have to blow your nose. But don't eat the green stuff cos it tastes yucky!" he said, and PJ had to clamp down his lips in a Herculean effort not to laugh out loud. He had to look anywhere but at her, his gaze finally coming down on Joe, who stood still looking very proud of himself. Taking a deep breath, PJ squatted down and picked him up, as Maggie did the same for Tom.

"Thanks for that mate. I'll have to remember that," PJ managed, before Joe looked down suddenly.

"Daddy, you hungry. You tummy growly again."

"Its all this talk of green stuff" Zoe said with a grin, her grin turning to laughter as PJ gave her a look. "Look, we've got a long drive ahead of us, so how about we go and get some real food before we get going? Anyone want anything special?"

"Speeza, speeza" was the almost instant reply from both Tom and Joe, bouncing around in their parent's arms excitedly. Zoe looked at them, before her gaze came to rest on Maggie, who translated.

"Spicy pizza. They kind of ran the words together, and I haven't been able to get them to say it properly since. They love their spicy food," she said with a grin. "Didn't get it from me"

PJ beamed with pride at more evidence that his boys were most definitely his. "Got good taste, those boys of mine" he said, plonking Joe down on top of the cases again, and leading them towards the food hall, where, much to Tom and Joe's delight, they found out that their Daddy adored 'speeza' as much as they did.


	49. Chapter 49

49

"Mummy! Mummy, watch me, watch me!! Throw it Daddy!" Maggie grinned over at Tom as PJ gently threw the football to him, Tom flapping his arms as the ball flew, his look of surprise when he actually caught it making them all laugh. Joe was next, clutching the ball on his third try, and Maggie kept smiling as she turned back to Zoe.

They'd stopped for a break on the drive to Mount Thomas, the boys had been getting fidgety and bored, and, PJ had been getting cramped in the back seat between their car seats. She'd offered to sit there, being smaller than her was, but he'd refused for some odd reason – and there was no way that he was going to tell her that while he loved sitting with his sons, the other huge part of him sitting in the back was so that he could stare at her as they drove. So he could watch every move she made, so he could watch the sunlight shine through her blond hair and the way she smiled. Zoe knew – she'd caught him a couple of times when she'd been checking in the rearview mirror, but if he was honest, he didn't care if Zoe knew. Didn't really care if Maggie knew, but - well, he just wanted it that way, and Maggie hadn't minded.

Zoe stretched out on the park bench, luxuriating in the warm sun. Maggie glanced over at her.

"Want me to drive for a bit? Or PJ?"

"Nope. I've been in cars with PJ driving before – once is enough thank you." Maggie grinned at the image, before PJ, a son under each arm, suddenly appeared before them.

"Oy! I'm a good driver, I'll have you know! Now, seeing as we've straightened that out, these eagle-eyed boys of ours have spotted a playground over there, so I thought I might go and see if I can wear them out again? That ok Mags?" he asked, leaning down and placing a kiss on the tip of her nose, the boys shrieking with laughter as PJ dipped down to do so.

"Fine, but keep an eye on them, they love to go as high as possible and as fast as possible" she told him, reaching out and pulling Tom's t-shirt back down from where it had ridden up.

"Take after their father" Zoe teased, and laughed when the boys copied their father, sticking their tongues out at her then grinning like loons.

"Love you Mags," PJ said, blowing her a kiss, their sons instantly copying him again.

"Love you Mummy," the told her over PJ's shoulders as he carried them down to the playground.

Left alone on the bench, Zoe glanced over at Maggie, concerned when she noticed worry wind it's way across Maggie's previously happy features.

"Maggie?" she asked softly. "What is it?"

"Nothing," Maggie tried, standing and turning to start cleaning up their impromptu picnic.

"And Tom Croydon hates chocolate. Try again." Zoe said, reaching up and gently making Maggie sit down again.

Maggie ran a hand over her face, before sighing. Leaning forward, she looked out over the park to where PJ and the boys ere playing, shrieks of laughter occasionally reaching Maggie and Zoe.

"Zoe, I – I love them. The boys, PJ, the whole thing. They're my family. They're all I know. " Looking down again, she sighed, picking at imaginary lint before turning to face Zoe.

"Except they're not, are they? They're not the only family I have. I apparently have a father, and brothers that I can't remember. And PJ, he's not telling me something. He's hiding something, and I'm scared to ask him, because whenever I even hint about it, he gets this look. He tries to hide it, but Zoe, he looks – he – I don't know. It's like there's something he needs to tell me, but it scares him so much that he can't. And - and - " Maggie drew a deep breath, trying to calm herself down.

Zoe sat quietly, letting Maggie get it all out.

"I want him to tell me, Zoe. I want to know what it is he's scared of telling me, but I don't want to know too. I mean, if it's scaring him this much, it must be - Zoe, it must be bad, and – but I want – " Zoe leant over, wrapping Maggie in a hug.

"He'll tell you when he's ready Maggie. Whatever it is, he'll tell you when he's ready." She was pretty sure what it was that PJ was hiding, and telling Maggie that it was her own brother who had been the cause of her supposed death, who had tried to kill her – and the pain that would follow that revelation was something that Zoe couldn't even begin to comprehend.

"I know he will, and I trust him, but, Zoe, it's just another thing to add to the list. There's so much happening here, so much all at once. I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster or something, and I can't get off for a breather, because every time I think about slowing down, something new happens. Another memory pops up and I'm at its mercy, because I want to know who I am, I want to remember it all, but – " the tears were falling now in a steady stream down her cheeks.

It was his scent that gave him away, his scent and his strength as he wrapped her in a hug, having gently disengaged her from Zoe's arms. The boys were staring up at her, worry written across their little faces, and Zoe squatted down next to hem.

"You know how sometimes you get sad, and nothing will make it better except a cuddle from Mummy?" she asked them, watching them as they watched their parents. Joe nodded, followed a second later by Tom. "Well, your Mummy just needs your Daddy to hold her for a little while. She just needs to know how much your Daddy loves her and that everything is going to be all right. They just want to spend some time cuddling so Daddy can make it better," she said, glancing up at Maggie, whose face was tucked into PJ's neck, his turned into her hair, placing small kisses against her temple as he held her. She could hear PJ gently murmuring words of comfort, holding the woman he loved close to his heart.

"How about we go and sit in the car, and I'll read you a story? Did you bring any books with you?" Joe nodded, wrapping an arm around Zoe's neck.

"Cuddle too?" he whispered, his worry lessening, but not entirely, and Zoe had to bite her lip hard to keep her tear at bay.

"Cuddle too" she whispered back, reaching round and wrapping both boys in a hug, before lifting them up and tucking them into their car seats and softly beginning to read to them.

Maggie stood there, wrapped in his arms, feeling the new but so familiar warmth that she knew she had always felt when he held her. Resting his chin on the top of her head, PJ blinked tightly. He'd known she'd picked up on it, he'd known she'd seen him shy away from it, and he'd coerced himself into thinking she was ok with it. But she wasn't, and deep down, he'd known that she wouldn't be. It was just that it was so much easier not to tell her.

I mean, how was he supposed to reveal that one? Slip it in as a 'by the way…? 'Hey Mags, There's a new hospital in Mount Thomas, oh, and by the way the man who shot you? Try your brother Mick…"

Yeah, right.

He sighed, feeling her burrow in deeper, knowing her so well. He could read her like a book. She wanted to know what he was hiding, but the very fact that he was hiding it was terrifying her. And that alone was like a knife to his heart, the fact that he was causing her to feel like that. But the truth was so much worse.


	50. Chapter 50

Apologies for the aeons of time since the last update. The September holidays are nearly here in Vic, and I promise to do my best to finish this story during those two weeks. I'm really, really sorry.

C

* * *

The gentle snore from beside her mirrored the twin snores that emanated from the back seat, and taking her eyes from the road for a second, Zoe grinned as, through the rearview mirror, she caught sight of Maggie shaking her head in despair at the sounds her men were making. Feeling Zoe's eyes on her, Maggie looked up and returned the grin.

"I'd invest in some ear plugs if I was you" Zoe whispered, biting back her laughter as Maggie quietly rifled through her bag, coming up with a pair of squidgy yellow earplugs.

"Been there, done that, and got the plugs to prove it!" Maggie confessed. "These two used to keep me awake so much I had to buy these beauties, but they got wise to me, and now if they want something in the middle of the night, they just come into my room and jump up and down on the bed. The bed was big enough that they always missed me."

"You'll have to warn PJ then" Zoe smirked. "Might have to buy him a cup"

"Cup?"

"That or train the boys to be very careful where they jump!" Zoe smirked again, this time biting her lip to stop the snort of laughter as understanding washed across Maggie's face. Glancing down at her watch, Zoe suddenly turned the radio on quietly.

"Traffic report" she told Maggie, who nodded. "Listen. Why don't you shut your eyes for a while and get some sleep too, you might as well, this lot'll be wide awake when we get there, and you're going to need to keep up with them!"

Glancing down at her sons, who, with remarkable twinnish timing, both snuffled in their sleep, turning slightly before settling once more, Maggie smiled, before nodding at Zoe.

"Sounds like a good plan"

Good plan or not, sleep was decidedly elusive. Maggie sat back, closing her eyes and tried to empty her mind. PJ's love and words of comfort had reassured her back at the picnic stop, and much as she wanted to know everything and anything she could about her past, she also understood the need to let it come to her, rather than chasing it down and forcing things. That didn't make it any the less frustrating, but there was nothing that she could do to change it.

The soft drone of the radio almost lulled her to sleep as Maggie watched the world go by, and she hardly noticed when Zoe leant down and turned it off once the news was over. The countryside looked so familiar, so like home – and yet so completely alien. She felt comfortable, as though she'd explored every nook and cranny, but still she had no idea what was coming around the next corner. Reigning in her frustration, Maggie sat back and let it all wash over her as they got closer and closer to Mount Thomas.

In the front seat, Zoe sighed. The traffic news had not been good, the road into Mount Thomas was blocked by a collision between a tree and a road train. Shaking her head, Zoe wondered what on earth the government thought they were doing, letting trucks that size on the road, but then she shook it off, catching sight of the detour signs and beginning the trek around the crash sight.

Maggie dozed lightly in the back seat, her tired eyes falling shut every now and then, and conversely opening and catching the monotonously gorgeous countryside as they drove. She felt the car turn, but the lure of sleep was almost capturing her, and so she did her best to allow it to consume her. From the drivers seat, Zoe heaved a silent sigh of relief when she saw Maggie finally fall asleep.

Ever since she and PJ had found each other again, the constant shriekingly short nightmares that Maggie had suffered for the past two years had all but disappeared. It was as if the fears that had plagued her subconscious had somehow calmed, relaxed. Maggie now felt safe when she slept, she no longer feared sleep, and so it was almost a surprise when the uneasiness crept up on her again.

Opening her eyes, Maggie looked around her, trying to make out what it was that was making her heartbeat race, her palms sweaty and her throat dry. Nothing had changed, the gum trees still raced by, fields full of livestock, the birds still sang loudly and raucously – but something was wrong, something was different.

Maggie sat up, her heart now racing, hands clenching around the bag that lay in her lap. Something was wrong, something here, nearby, something around here, it was – it was wrong, it was bad, danger, terrifying danger, something –

Zoe glanced back in the rearview mirror, her heart almost stopping as she was the state Maggie was in. Between the still sleeping boys, she was almost in the throes of a full blown panic attack. Zoe put her foot down, wanting to get out of there, slowing as she saw Maggie step even closer to the edge as she sat up, eyes racing from side to side as she strained to see what it was that was terrifying her like this. Bringing the car to a stop, Zoe reached over and shook PJ awake. Turning the engine off, she reached over and gently stroked Tom's arms as he woke, his small face creasing with worry as he saw the state his mum was in. Joe woke seconds later and his tears soon joined his brothers.

"PJ, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I thought she'd sleep through it," Zoe said as they both got out of the car, opening the back doors and scooping up a twin. Holding Tom tightly, Zoe scrambled around to PJ, and took Joe from him, holding him firmly as he flailed for his mum.

Maggie was hyperventilating, and looking around him, PJ knew why. Glaring at Zoe, he went to get into the car to hold Maggie, but she fought him back, staggering out of the car and holding on to it for dear life as she tried to stand up.

"What – here, it – where are we? It's – PJ - I – you – PJ, you have to - " she flinched, once, twice, as though something hit her, as though something catapulted her backwards against the car. Sliding down the door, she held a hand to her chest, gasping for air, each breath a terrifying struggle before, perhaps mercifully, she finally lost consciousness.


	51. Chapter 51

I've never had a panic attack, never witnessed one, and apologies to those of you who have if I've got anything wrong over the next few chapters.

C

* * *

PJ caught her as she slumped to the ground, reacting instinctively, his cry of fear lodged in his throat as he moved. Lying her in the recovery position, once again instinctively, he turned his terrified gaze on Zoe, who was by now struggling to hold two shocked children who wanted nothing more than their mother to wake up and play. Zoe flinched as Joe accidentally kicked her ribs in his struggle to break free, her head whipping backwards as Tom's elbow caught her cheek.

Glancing between them all, Zoe's medical training kicked in.

"PJ, get over here and take the boys" she said, forcing her voice to be calm. The last thing they needed to see was exactly how panicked she herself was. "PJ, come on, get up and come over here and take the boys," she slid down to the ground so that the twins were standing, fighting her to get to Maggie, but standing nonetheless.

PJ hadn't reacted, and Zoe closed her eyes in frustration. He was kneeling beside Maggie, checking her breathing, checking her pulse over and over again. He was whispering in her ear, telling her it was going to be ok, begging her to wake up, terrified beyond belief that his own nightmares were all coming true.

"PJ, please!" Zoe was begging now, desperate to get to the still unconscious Maggie, but afraid to leave the boys who were by now bordering on hysterical.

"Mummy dead, Mummy dead?" Tom screamed, his tiny voice suddenly appearing to be the one thing that could pierce PJ's mind.

Whipping round, his blue eyes honed in on the voice, ready to tear the owner to shreds. MAGGIE WAS NOT DEAD. She was not dead, but PJ was terrified that she was on her way. Breaking all of the medical rules he'd had drummed into him since his days at the Police training Centre, he gathered Maggie up in his arms, tucking her in against his chest, her ear against his racing heart, giving her something to listen to, something to come back to.

"Don't you ever – " he hissed, fury blazing and abating as he realised who it was that had spoken. Pulling Maggie tighter against his chest, PJ forced himself to take a deep breath.

"No mate." To Zoe, PJ's voice still held terror, but both Tom and Joe seemed to be listening to their father. "No, Mummy's not d – " PJ almost couldn't say it, dropping his face to her hair and inhaling deeply, placing a kiss on the crown of her head. "Mummy's not. She's just a bit scared, just a bit sick. She'll be ok in a little while, you'll see."

With the resilience of small children, both tom and Joe seemed to accept what their daddy said, and in an almost complete turn from moments ago, they both turned in Zoe's arms, suddenly pulling her, almost causing her to fall flat on her face.

"Zoe help. Zoe make Mummy better. Go Zoe"

It was difficult to move with the twins still held tightly in each arm, and Zoe wanted nothing more than for PJ to come and take them, but he seemed unable to let Maggie go, and Zoe could quite understand that. It had been horrific to watch him fall apart the last time she'd left him, and to see her collapse in front of him like this – he must be drowning in memories.

PJ held Maggie tight to him, his mind awash with memories - blood cascading down her chest, her face white as she'd died, her gaze locked with his as she left him so alone. He forced his breathing to slow down as that particular memory took hold, repeatedly trying to believe that she was safe, that she was here, alive and well in his arms.

Except that she wasn't. She was alive, but she wasn't well, and he had to let her go, had to let someone who knew what they were doing get to her. He had to step back. Had to let someone else save her.

"PJ!"

"Daddy!!" came the combined voices of Zoe and his sons, begging, pleading tones, and PJ looked down at the woman in his arms, and then back to the scared faces in front of him.

"Zo?"


	52. Chapter 52

Here's more, thanks for reading, and thanks for the reviews, you've really made my day!

C

* * *

Zoe took a deep breath, and in her arms, the boys seemed to calm as well, looking between her and their father. A small hand reached across Zoe, as they sought reassurance from each other, and glancing down, Zoe fought to stop her sob as she saw the boys wriggle across to each other, wrapping their small arms around each other in a hug. Standing up slowly, Zoe was relieved when the boys didn't move, the solace they'd found in each other enough for the time being, and Zoe was going to take advantage of that.

"PJ" she whispered hoarsely. "PJ, you have to let me see her. Please PJ, come on, you have to let me see her," she coaxed, catching his eyes and almost flinching at the fear she saw there.

"Zo, I can't lose her, not now, not – not again, I can't – " his voice was tight, the words running into one another as she slowly moved over to him, glancing back at the boys who stood motionless, staring at the unfolding drama in front of them.

"PJ," Zoe gently knelt down in front of them, running a careful hand over Maggie's hair, a comforting, soothing movement that ended with a surreptitious check of Maggie's pulse.

A noise behind her distracted her for a moment, and Zoe had never been so glad to see exactly who it was that got out of the car that had drawn up on the side of the road. Tom Croydon stared at her for a few long moments, before Zoe nodded both in response to his unanswered question, and then over towards the two little boys who stood wrapped in a hug, clinging to one another in a show of support as they desperately tried to make sense of what was going on around them.

"Tom? Joe?" Tom Croydon knelt down next to them, gently unwrapping them and lifting them up. "How about you two come and sit in my car with me, and we let Zoe talk to Daddy and make Mummy better?"

Wordlessly, the twins let Tom pick them up, burrowing their small heads into his neck, trusting him as he took them back to the car and sat in the back with them. Tom looked back over his shoulder as he carried them, his worried gaze catching Zoe's eyes, staring at her, begging her to help Maggie.

Nick, meanwhile, had moved over to PJ and Maggie, kneeling down behind PJ and placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"She's going to be ok, mate," he was whispering, "She's going to be ok. You have to let her go, lay her down for a moment, you have to let Zoe do her thing, you know that Peej, lay her down, just for a moment," he continued, his hand still on his best friend's shoulder, feeling the tension and fear emanating from PJ. After what seemed like hours, but in reality was only seconds more, of pleading and comforting from Nick, PJ's scared blue eyes pinned both Zoe and then Nick.

"Nick?"

"Trust me Peej. Let Zoe look at her. Zoe can help her. Please PJ, let – "

A tear trickled down Zoe's cheek as PJ turned to look at her, gently placing his whole world on the ground for Zoe to tend to.

"Help her Zo, please, I – she can't – I couldn't – " Nick gently reached forward and wrapped PJ in his arms, drawing him back slightly to give Zoe some room to work. He continued to hold PJ, keeping him from collapsing as PJ's entire concentration lay on what Zoe was doing for Maggie.

"She'll be all right mate," Nick whispered again, "Maggie's a fighter, she'll be ok. Just let Zoe work her magic,"

Having checked her once again, Zoe gently placed Maggie in the recovery position, stroking her blonde hair out of her face as she did so.

"PJ?"

PJ didn't respond, his mind elsewhere as he desperately willed her to wake up, prayed that Maggie would open her eyes again and either yell, hit him, even kiss him - he didn't care, whatever it was, he just wanted her to wake up. Needed – oh god, needed - her to wake up.

"PJ!" she repeated, as Nick gently shook PJ's shoulder, breaking him from his connection with Maggie.

The terror was back in PJ's eyes as he suddenly looked over at her, her voice breaking through his thoughts. "Zoe? What is it? What's – "

"Peej, calm down mate, let Zoe speak" cam a voice from behind him, and PJ forced himself to breathe.

"Ok?" Zoe asked, and PJ gave a hesitant nod.

"What's…" his voice tapered away.

"I'm not sure, not a hundred percent, but, PJ, I think she had a panic attack. I think, - " Zoe looked around, seeing the dark, disused buildings off in the near distance. " It was here, wasn't it? The rail yards? This was where – "

PJ nodded before she could finish, unable to hear the words spoken, and behind him, he heard Nick groan softly, the pressure on his shoulder tightening momentarily.

"Oh mate, I'm sorry," Nick whispered. "I'm so sorry"

In front of him, PJ saw Zoe's eyes fill with guilt, and for a moment – just for a moment – PJ hated her. Truly, horrifically and utterly hated her. Pinned her with all of the emotions that had decimated him since Maggie had gone out there in the first place. Hated her with a passion so strong that he had to hold himself back from reaching across Maggie and reacting. His whole body tensed, and yet, as quickly as it came, the emotion passed and he looked down at his Maggie, alive again, alive and there, beside him, breathing, living, and his whole world was her. His whole world was Maggie Doyle, and the past didn't matter, all that mattered was her.

Behind him, Nick relaxed, having felt PJ react, having felt him tense up and knowing exactly what he was thinking. PJ was barely hanging on at the moment, and having someone to blame, however deserving that blame was, well, Nick didn't like to think about that. The relief that flooded through him as PJ calmed down was all to obvious to Zoe as her husband glanced over at her.

"PJ, I'm sorry" Zoe whispered. "I thought she'd – "

"It's ok, Zoe. It's ok. You didn't – I'm sorry, I – " PJ took a very deep breath, reaching over and taking Maggie's hand before looking up at Zoe, an apology written all over his face. " You didn't do it on purpose, you wouldn't do that. This, all of this, it's not your fault. I know that and Mags does too, it's just that – " his blue eyes took in their surroundings again and he shuddered, before looking back at Maggie and placing his whole concentration on her. " Zoe, why isn't she waking up?"

Zoe looked down at Maggie, a thousand reasons crossing her mind, before settling on the hopefully most likely.

"I think she's just exhausted, and her body is giving her some time to catch up and rest'" she said, once again checking Maggie's pulse and breathing. She glanced up at PJ. "She's alive PJ. She's breathing, her pulse is strong, and she's alive. Hold onto that, PJ, just hold on to that," she said, glancing around again and pulling herself to her feet, sighing with relief as another vehicle drew up.


	53. Chapter 53

Helen, you get in the queue for hugging PJ, and a certain other crinkly blue eyed man we shan't mention here. How come you're always at the front of the line?? LOL.

As for everyone else, everything is so up in the air for PJ and Maggie at the moment, and the boys are starting to feel it. Hopefully this chappy will show them that they have more people looking out for them than they ever thought. Oh, and I do hope that it's clear when Tom Croydon or little Tom Doyle is talking, giving them the same name is one thing, trying to write a chappy with both of them playing a big part is not so fun!

Happy reading, and Happy Thursday.

C

* * *

53

So still. So completely and utterly still.

Maggie hadn't moved in the three hours since the ambulance had brought her to the hospital, and much as he tried to hide it, much as he tried to believe what Zoe had told him, PJ was terrified. He was going to lose her again. She was going to leave him again, just like last time, and once again there was nothing he could do to stop if from happening.

"Mags, please" he leant forward, whispering in her ear, her hand clasped tightly in his, "Please, don't leave me, not now, not when I've just found you again. Mags, I need you so much, I love you, I – come back to me Maggie. I can't go through this again. I can't lose you again. I – " he choked back a sob, a tear falling from his blue eyes and landing on their joined hands. "Mags, if you leave me this time, I'm coming with you."

Nick stood by the door, his wife wrapped tightly in his arms, both watching the scene that was playing out before them.

"Zoe, Zo, please, tell me she's going to come out of this. Tell me you can wake her up, give her a shot of something and she'll wake up" Nick begged in a whisper. "Look at him Zo, if she doesn't make it through this, he - it'll kill him. He'll do it this time, and those boys of theirs – " Nick shuddered to a stop, unable to finish.

For a second, Zoe pulled his arms tighter around her, savouring his presence, his warmth, his nearness, and then, taking a deep breath, she stepped into the room.

"Boss Tom, again!" came a delighted shriek as Tom Croydon very carefully bent over and picked up the football. He wasn't entirely sure where Tom and Joe were getting their energy from, but if he could bottle and sell it, he'd be a millionaire by now.

Gently kicking it, he aimed the footy at Joe this time, who was getting much better at actually catching it. Tom chased his twin down, Joe making a valiant effort and kicking it back to their 'Boss Tom' just in time.

"My turn, me now, me now!" Tom yelled at his older namesake, and obligingly the ball was kicked in his direction and the routine was followed over again with both twins until they finally flaked out, lying down on the grass, exhausted.

"You good, Boss Tom." Joe decided. "You kick like Mummy."

Tom sat up at that, looking over at his twin who'd sat up too.

"Boss Tom? Mummy still sleep?"

Tom Croydon ran a tired hand over his face. In all honesty he'd been dreading this moment. Zoe had told the boys that Mummy had a sore head and that she was having a nap to make her feel better. Joe and Tom were accustomed to naps, Mummy made them have one most days, and they were usually most put out that she never seemed to take her own advice and lie down with them.

"Mummy's having a long nap," he told them, sitting down on the grass and reaching over and wrapping them in a hug. "She'll be fine when she wakes up" he said with a hell of a lot more confidence than he actually felt.

"Kay," Tom said, clambering over Boss Tom and his brother and heading for the picnic basket that Chris O'Reilly had packed for them when the news had come in. "Hungry. Boss Tom, speeza?"

Joe hung back a second, his blue eyes gazing up and pinning his Boss Tom with a look. "Mummy?"

As identical as they were, Tom Croydon could already tell Tom and Joe apart. Tom was the more confident of the two, the more trusting, and looking down at Joe, Tom Croydon suddenly knew who was the far more perceptive of the twins.

"Joe, I – " he swallowed tightly. "Joe, Zoe is doing her best to make Mummy better. That's all I know. She's a clever lady, and she wants to help Mummy get better. Daddy, and Zoe, and Uncle Nick, and me, and you two, we have to think good thoughts, and send wishes to Mummy to help her get better. We have to let Mummy sleep, and we have to let her wake up when she's ready. Ok?"

Joe stared up for a moment longer, before reaching over. "Scared, Boss Tom."

Mouth full of chicken sandwich, after a fruitless search for his beloved 'speeza' Tom turned, a squashed sandwich in his hand ready for his brother. His smile vanished when he saw Joe, and it was less than a second before he too was wrapped in a hug.

"Scared. Want Mummy." Joe said in a whisper.

"Want Mummy too," Tom said, reaching over and managing to cuddle both his brother and his namesake. Above them Tom Croydon was doing his level best to hide his tears. If Maggie, if she didn't –

"Hey there you lot!" came a cheerful voice, and Tom Croydon had never been so glad to see Nick Shultz in his entire life. "Excellent move Boss. You hold those two, and I'll divvy up this 'speeza' I just found, and I can eat it all myself!"

"Speeza?!" came a yelp from both sides of Tom the supposed captor, and he was soon flat on his back, the hug abandoned as both boys leapt at Nick's legs – getting absolutely nowhere as Nick's legs were very, very long.

"Share!" Joe yelled, his head tipped back and eyes scrunched against the afternoon sun. "Mummy says always have to share, and Mummy always right"

"Mummy hungry?" came an identical voice, and Joe glanced over at his brother who was ginning mightily. "Mummy like 'speeza'! Speeza make Mummy better! Come on Joe!"

Tom Croydon hadn't laughed like this in years as Nick doubled over, the pizza falling from his hands as the boys made a concerted grab for it. Their fists had gone everywhere, thumping Nick in an effort to get to his hands, and unfortunately for Nick, their innocent aim was a little too good, the pizza falling from his hands as a particularly good punch caused his eyes to water and him to double over in agony.

"Could – " he puffed, "Could have just" Nick tried to straighten up, his face red and lips clamped for a second longer, " You could have just asked"

"Did!" Joe said indignantly. "You didn't share. Speeza for Mummy, make Mummy better."

"So there" Tom said, reaching over and taking Joe's hand. "Mummy likes Speeza" he told them, taking a little nibble to make sure the speeza was all right.

Nick gave up on the idea of standing up, flopping down on the grass instead, his long legs carefully crossed in front of him.. "You know what? I reckon you're right. Your Daddy always could persuade your Mummy to try anything. " Nick grinned over their heads at Tom Croydon, who gave an ironic smile in return. Hasham and Doyle, Doyle and Hasham. Always there, always together. How he'd missed it, he would never know.

"Anyway, your Daddy sent me out with this for you. Zoe's given your Mummy some more medicine, and she's still asleep, and your Daddy thought you might like some of this." Nick wafted the pizza box at them. Both twins were by now nibbling, tomato sauce smeared around their lips.

"Mummy still sleep?" Tom asked, after a glance at his twin. "Mummy not hungry?"

Nick shook his head. "Nah mate, your Mum, she's having a good sleep. She's had lots going on the last few days, you know, like meeting your Daddy again, and meeting me and Boss Tom here. She's got lots to think about, and sometimes it's easier to think about things in your dreams. Zoe says that's what Mummy is doing now, and we just have to let her wake up when she's ready. Meanwhile, Daddy's said that you two can come to stay with me and Zoe, and Boss Tom will come over for lots of visits. How's that sound?"

"Daddy?

"Daddy's going to stay here with Mummy for a few days, but you can come and visit every day. Me and Zo, we're actually staying at Daddy's house, so you can explore all you want, I even know where your Daddy keeps his pictures of him when he was a little boy, so I'll show you – and he's got a big back yard, so we can practice footy, and you can teach me some of the stuff you know. In fact, why don't we go over there right now, and you can dump your stuff, and we can have a kick around?" Nick said enthusiastically, mentally crossing his fingers that he was able to take their minds off Maggie.

"Bye Mummy?" Joe said, standing up and wiping his mouth before placing a hand on Nick's shoulder.

Glancing down at the red handprint on his shoulder, Nick nodded, managing to stand up and at the same time lift Joe up as well. "Yeah, we can go and say goodbye to your Mummy"

"Shoulders!!" Tom gleefully yelled, squirming as Nick hoisted him into the air as well.

"You have to keep very still if you want shoulders," Nick said, carefully plonking a twin on each shoulder and reaching up and anchoring them in place. "It's a long way down, and I wouldn't want to drop you". Glancing at each other, both Tom and Joe froze in place, broad grins on their faces, and as Nick winced, a good tuft of hair in each tomato sauce stained hand to keep them in place.

The picnic basket tided up, the four of them trailed rather carefully into the hospital, Nick ducking very carefully through each door until they came to Maggie's room.


	54. Chapter 54

Go Geelong!! (the AFL Grand Final's on at the moment).

Thanks for reading and reviewing, I've got to say, I'm really enjoying writing this at the moment, and your comments make it even more worthwhile. Oh, and this one is all segmented up for a reason - hopefully it'll all become clear.

Helen...quiet?? Yeah right. Follow the arrows and all will becme clear.

C

* * *

Sharp.

So sharp, scratching, painfully bright, shards of light, bright searingly bright. Snatches, flitting, out of reach, out of grasp – there and not there, elusive, so frustratingly elusive – and then dark again, mercifully dark.

* * *

Still PJ sat, her small hand in hers, warm, peaceful – and still just out of reach.

"Mags, come on. I know you're in there. I know you can hear me. Come back Mags, come back to us. The boys, your boys, they're missing you. They need you. I - " he swallowed tightly. " I need you. I need you here with me. Standing beside me, facing the world together, the dynamic duo. You and me. Think about it. Think about the future. Our future. There's so much more we need to do, so much out there waiting for us."

* * *

Scrambling, reaching, grasping – and missing. Ribbons, scything through the air, holding treasures, holding the past, the key, random, confusing, searingly intense, and ultimately elusive.

* * *

"Anything?" Zoe came and stood beside PJ, once again checking her notes and replacing the chart at the end of her bed. At PJ's silent shake of the head, she gave a small sigh, before turning back to face him.

"It's been two days, Zoe. Two days." PJ said, his voice tired and hoarse.

"I know, but PJ, you've got to remember, she's got a lot of things to sort through, she's got a lot of things to put together'" Zoe said gently. "And health wise, she's fine. Her blood pressure is fine, her temperature, her reactions, everything's fine, we're just waiting for her to wake up."

"I know, I know, but – " he turned, glancing at Zoe, before returning his attention back to Maggie. " I just – I miss her. I – Zo, I lost her for so long, and it almost killed me, and now, now I find her again, and - and then this? Zoe, it's not fair. It's not right, she – I need her back, Zo. I need her here with me, next to me."

"I know you do, and I wish she'd wake up too, but PJ, she needs this. She needs to rest. She needs the chance to make sense of it all, and I really believe that that's what she's doing. And she's in the best place for it, you know that. She's here, in Mount Thomas, at home with all of us; she's with you, where she needs to be. And the boys – "

PJ tensed, guilt scratching away at him. They'd dragged the boys away from the only home they'd ever known, driven them all the way down here, and then he'd deserted them. Their Mum was in hospital, and their Dad had all but deserted them.

"It's all right Peej, they're fine. Everyone's stepped up, PJ, we're all looking after them. They're ok. They understand. They know you love them, and they know where you are. They know that their Mum is having a sleep to make her better, and they know that their Daddy is looking after her. If you want, I'll bring them by later, but believe me, they're fine. Tom's got them today, he's taken them fishing – and yes, before you ask, they are wearing lifejackets."

"Fishing?" PJ said, and Zoe had never been so pleased to see a small grin flit across PJ's face. "My poor boys. Sitting around for hours on end, waiting for some bored fish to raid a hook. Actually, come to think of it, I can't see that working. Tome and Joe, they're, ah, not exactly sitting down and staying still types, are they?"

"Which is why Nick's going to do a drive by about now," Zoe glanced down at her watch, "and rescue them. The Mudlarks are having an Auskick session in about ten minutes, and the team have promised to come down and have a kickaround with the kids" Zoe grinned, coming to sit on the edge of Maggie's bed.

* * *

Tying, tying the ribbons together, slotting them in, matching them up. Calmer, slower, still scratchy, still hesitant, but – but more.

* * *

"They let two year olds play? PJ asked, looking at Zoe in surprise, running his thumb over Maggie's hand, his fingers entwined with hers. "I mean, I know the boys are footy mad, but they're still so little,"

"It's ok, they run an Under-5 team, well, not so much a team, more a kickaround group, but the little ones get their chance to kick the ball. It's apparently really rather cute, so they tell me. And it's all supervised, very carefully supervised, with little footballs, and soft goalposts and all that."

PJ grinned at her, the thought of a mob of ankle biters, Tom and Joe included, running amok rather appealed to him. "You hear that Mags? Our boys joining the Mudlarks. What do you think of that, hey? "

There was no response, not that he'd expected one, not really. Hoped, but not expected.

* * *

"Goal" Joe yelled, his blue eyes wide with surprise, giggling as Nick swooped down and scooped him up into the air. "Kicked goal!!"

"That's my boy!" Nick beamed, before catching the umpire's eye and placing him down again.

"Mr. Shultz, please don't make me tell you again. This is just a kickaround, and you can't just – "

"I know, I know. They're just practicing their skills, and besides, I might step on one. I'm sorry. I'll stay on the sidelines." Nick said, carefully stepping over a rather determined four year old, who had his eye on the ball, and not the giant that had stepped into the mini-oval.

* * *

Longer, clearer, alternating - joy, agony and sheer terror.

Slower, warmer, blue – blue, gentle, safe – intense, breathless – blue – warmth, need, blue…

* * *

"I'll leave you alone then Peej, but listen, this'll take as long as it takes. Maggie's – she's got a lot to go through, and you know her, she never does things by halves. She loves you PJ, you and those boys of yours. She'll come back to you, but it'll be when she's good and ready. Don't doubt that. Don't ever doubt that." Zoe said, running a hand down PJ's arm in support.

"I know." PJ sighed. "I know, it's just – I'm not the most patient of people, and I "

"You miss her. I know. But, like I said, she needs this, and she's doing it her way."

Calmer, surer, resignation, guilt, acceptance, blue, safe blue, love, trust, love,….

PJ turned back to Maggie as Zoe shut the door behind her. He sat back, and studied her, taking in her pale face, her blonde hair, shining slightly in the late morning sunshine, her chest, rising and falling with each breath. Reaching forward again, he rested his chin on his forearms.

"I love you Maggie Doyle. And I want you to marry me. Did you hear that? I want you to marry me. You just need to wake up so that I can ask you properly. So you need to get it sorted, you need to think it all out, and then you need to wake up, so that I can put a ring on your finger, just here, and you can put a ring on my finger, and– " his voice tailed away as emotions over took him. Standing slightly, he leant over and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

* * *

Trust, love, touch, warmth, blue, love……..


	55. Chapter 55

Apologies for vanishing yet again. I hereby promise that this story will be finished by the beginning of December.

55

They had it down pat by now. Over the last week they'd worked it all out. Zoe would bring the boys to work with her in the mornings (if her shifts worked out that way, if not, Nick would bring them) and they'd go to the child-care center that the hospital ran for staff. They'd come down to Maggie's room for lunch and stay there for an hour or so, catching their Mum up with everything that had been going on with them. Maggie's room was brightly lit with several masterpieces each with a careful translation pasted into a corner, written out by staff, dictated by either Joe or Tom.

PJ would take them outside to the playground for again an hour or so, for as long as he could stand to be away from Maggie. He was making a concerted effort to spend time with his sons, they deserved that much from him, and he fell more and more in love with his boys each and every day. He'd been torn between guilt at not spending much time with them and the overwhelming need to stay with Maggie, and so it had come as a huge relief when Kay had called to check up on Maggie, and she'd told him that the boys were quite used to being in child care. As a single mum, Maggie had had to work, and Kay and Luka hadn't always been around to babysit. The boys had loved going to 'school', as they'd called it, and were quite happy to go to school in Mount Thomas. After their playtime with Daddy, the boys came back to Maggie's room, and had their nap, before either Zoe, Nick or Tom would take them home again, leaving PJ and Maggie alone for the evening.

Down pat. They had the routine worked out – and that more than anything, annoyed the hell out of PJ. As ever, his tired blue eyes watched her, the fluorescent light from the corridor casting shadows over her face. She shouldn't be lying there, and he shouldn't be watching her at – his gaze dropped to his watch, sighing as he realised it was the early hours of the morning. None of them deserved this, none of them.

They shouldn't need this routine, they shouldn't need to juggle it all like this. She shouldn't be lying here, day after day, dancing her way through a mental minefield, and he shouldn't be sitting here day after day, falling apart a little bit more with every single digitally beeping heartbeat. The boys shouldn't have to see their Mum like this, to see their Dad, their newly discovered Dad, pale and overwrought – however much he tried to hide it. And it wasn't as if they didn't understand, or their version of understanding anyway. PJ blinked fiercely as the memory washed over him, his boys so intuitive, so sensitive to everything – and yet so positive, so sure that everything would be all right.

"Daddy?"

PJ had looked over at Joe, smiling as Joe came over and climbed up into his lap, Tom looking up from where he lay on the floor, creating another masterpiece.

"Daddy, Mummy sleeping lots."

PJ had nodded, wrapping an arm around Joe and resting his head on top of his son's as he struggled to retain his composure. "Yeah, she is. She's got lots to think about, and it makes her tired, so she's having a rest"

Tom had struggled to his feet, carefully stepping over his picture and coming to stand by his Daddy's knee. "Mummy sad?"

PJ swallowed tightly. "I don't think so, but if she is, we'll make it better for her when she wakes up."

"You can kiss her, cos she likes that. Mummy smiles when you give her kisses" Joe had said, nodding when Tom added, " And me and Joe can give her cuddles."

All PJ could do was nod. "Kisses make it all better" Joe said, and had reached up and carefully placed his two chubby hands either side of PJ's face. "Mummy love you, and you love Mummy, and everything will be all right, Daddy." PJ had almost lost it then, his tiny son's words, and the look in his face as she smiled up at PJ causing him to close his eyes tightly, his heart catching as Joe carefully wrapped PJ in a hug.

Tom carefully reached over and held his Dad's free hand, unconsciously trying to wrap his tiny fingers in amongst PJ's just as his mother loved to do, mirroring her so familiar movement so precisely that PJ had to force back a sob.

"It's all right Daddy, Mummy needs a nap, but she wake up soon," Tom said after staring at Maggie for a moment. "Mummy wake up soon and then we go home," he'd told PJ, before plonking himself back down and picking up a blue crayon. With another smile for his Dad, Joe had climbed off PJ's lap, moving over to lie on the floor with Tom, four feet waving in the air as they coloured together.

PJ's eyes snapped open and he sat up, suddenly realising he had almost been asleep. When they'd had realised that he really wasn't going to leave her side, Zoe had ordered a camp-bed to be brought over for him, and for the past six nights PJ had gone through the pretence of lying on it, unwillingly snatching an hour of sleep here and there when exhaustion took its toll on him. He'd fought it though, wanting nothing more than to be there when she woke up. It would kill him if she woke up alone, knowing what she would know. She would need him as the reality set in, as the truth of it all opened up before her and she realised that her own brother had played such a huge part in all of this.

She would need him, just as much as he needed her. As much as he needed her to be able to understand it all, to come to terms with it all and to be able to cope with it all. He needed her to understand it all – but how the hell was she supposed to do that when he hadn't even been able to understand it himself? He'd never been able to fathom how Mick could bring himself to shoot his sister, how he'd been able to bring his finger to the trigger and fire those two supposedly fatal shots into the sister he claimed to adore.

"Oh Mags," PJ whispered, bringing his chair up closer to her, a gentle hand reaching up and smoothing over her cheek. "What happened? Where did it all go so wrong? Mick, how could he – Mags, please, come back to me, wake up Mags, I need you to wake up, I have to explain, we have to talk about it all, to understand – "

His voice tapered away as she didn't respond, lying deathly still as she had done for the past seven days. Immersed in her own world as his world fell apart around him. Desperation and complete and utter physical and mental exhaustion crept up on him, worming their way in, and for a moment, PJ caved and let it take over, anger washing over him in waves. Anger at their situation, at himself for letting go, and, even though it almost killed him, anger at her for lying there, for not waking up, for putting them through all of this. He let it all go, falling into it, letting the darkness take over, wash over him, cover him and swallow him up.

"You're not going to though, are you Maggie? You're just going to lie there. Lie there in your little cocoon, and I'm stuck here, falling apart, and all you do is lie there. Just lie there, sifting through it all, taking your own sweet time, while we, while the boys, your sons Mags, while Tom and Joe and I, we sit here, waiting for you. You just lie there and – and Maggie, wake up, Maggie, please, wake up - Mags, please," his voice broke on a sob, "Mags, I need you, wake up damnit" and it was only as his hands clenched her shoulders that he realised he was standing over her, had been shouting at her, almost screaming at her, and Colleen, the night nurse had been pulling at his arm, trying to stop him.

"Oh god," he collapsed in the chair as the enormity of his actions took their toll. Footsteps rushing down the corridor signaled Zoe's arrival, and a grateful Colleen left the room as Zoe came over, squatting down next to PJ.

"I didn't mean it, I didn't Zoe. I just, she won't wake up, why won't she wake up? What's wrong? Zo, why hasn't she woken up?" PJ said, tears of exhaustion, anger and frustration slipping down his cheeks as he sobbed. "I need her Zoe, I – "

Zoe carefully leant forward and enveloped him in a hug. "It's ok, PJ, let it out. You need to let it out. You've been so strong for everyone else, for the boys, for us and for the Boss, but this is eating you up, and it's not good to hold it in so much. You – PJ, you need to let go. You can't – not like before –

PJ stiffened in her arms. He knew exactly what she was talking about.

"Nick told you."

Zoe leant back, kneeling on the floor. "Yes, he did, and I'm glad he did. PJ, you can't let yourself get that wound up, that deep. You have the boys to think of, and Maggie too. She's going to come out of this, and when she does, she's going to need you. She's going to need you so much. And I know you. You might feel like this is never going to end, and you might wonder what the point of sitting here night after night is, but when she wakes up, when she looks at you and smiles, when she kisses you again – " Zoe smiled up at him." PJ, you need to sleep. You need to rest and I know it sounds trite, but take it from me, everything looks better after a good night's sleep."

PJ managed a small smile, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. "That what you're going to tell her then?" he said, glancing over at Maggie.

"Of course" Zoe grinned back, relieved to see the edginess seep from PJ's stance. She'd been expecting this, knowing PJ as she did. He'd held everything in for so long, sitting there and waiting, his mind storing, sorting and creating various scenarios. He'd refused any medication to help him sleep, or even to help him relax, wanting to stay alert for Maggie, to be there when she woke up. Nick had mentioned the exhaustion he'd seen in his best friend's posture, in his dull blue eyes, and Zoe had told him she'd done all she could, that in its own way, this was having just a catastrophic effect on PJ as it had on Maggie.

"I'm sorry Zoe." PJ whispered, moving over and standing next to Maggie. Reaching behind him, he pulled his chair closer. "Can you tell – "

"Colleen" Zoe filled the pause, and PJ glanced at her, a thank-you written in his eyes.

"Yeah, Colleen, can you apologise for me?"

Zoe nodded, before coming up behind him, squatting down again, next to him as he slumped back in the chair, Maggie's hand once again entwined in his.

"PJ, - "

"I know. I'll try to get some sleep, I'll – "

"Take this" she said, holding out two small pills and a glass of water. "It's not strong, but it'll help you relax, and you'll feel better and you'll be in a better state of mind for her when she does wake up. And, PJ, it won't be long now. I think she's almost there, her charts show she's coming out if it, slowly, but she's coming out of it."

PJ stared down at the tablets that now rested in his palm, looking up at Zoe who nodded. "PJ, you trust me?"

He nodded, before washing the tablets down with a large mouthful of water and returning his gaze to Maggie.


	56. Chapter 56

56

She was awake, she knew that, but opening her eyes and facing reality was a whole other thing. Opening her eyes meant she had to face it all, had to acknowledge that it was true, that Mick, that her own brother had been the one to shoot her, been the one to coldly pull the trigger and shoot her twice – and then leave her for dead. Mick, big brother Mick, the one she'd adored as she'd grown up, the one who'd (along with their Dad) inspired her to become a cop, the one that she loved, flaws and all.

Mick had shot her that cold night at the railyards, shot her and left her to supposedly bleed to death.

Mick had caused all of this, her 'death' had hurt PJ, had caused her memory loss, caused her to lose the one man who completed her, who – Maggie drew a deep breath, feeling her heart race in her chest and forcing herself to calm down. Deep breath, long, slow deep breath.

When the images behind her eyes got too much, Maggie forced herself to open her eyes, knowing instinctively he was nearby, knowing that he was there, and what's more, that he'd been there the whole time.

Moving slightly, she looked down her side, seeing him beside her bed, half sitting, half lying there there, his head resting on top of his arms on her bed, her hand still safely entwined with his. A small smile escaped her as she drank him in, absorbed his strength, his belief in her.

A movement at her door caused Maggie to look up, smiling at the delighted look on Zoe's face. Moving over to the bed, and standing on the opposite side to PJ, Zoe quickly ran a check on Maggie, and finding nothing to worry about, drew a chair up against the bed and sat down.

"Hey you!" Zoe whispered. "Welcome back. How do you feel? Do you – "

The light fell from Maggie's eyes as she realised what Zoe was asking. "I remember. I remember everything." Her eyes dropped to the man who slept next to her. "Zoe, he looks exhausted, how long have I been here? Has he been here the whole time?"

"You've been here for a week, Maggie, and yes, he's been here the whole time, apart from the time he's spent with the boys." Zoe moved to reassure her, worried at the sudden concern that raced across her face. "They're fine, Maggie. They've been staying with me and Nick, and they're happy and healthy, although they're missing you."

"And PJ? How – is he – "

"I'm not going to lie to you, Maggie. He's struggling, but he's been determined to be there for you. He loves you so much, and even though he knew you being here, like this, was the best thing for you, Maggie, he's - well, let's just say that he's going to be so happy to see you've woken up. He wanted to be the first thing you saw when you woke up – "

"He was" Maggie injected.

"You know what I mean, he wanted to be awake when you woke up. I think he knew this would happen and that's why he refused help for so long. He's exhausted Maggie, the only reason he's asleep now is that I forced him to take something." Zoe said, smiling over at PJ, who let out a small snore in response.

Maggie grinned down at him. "Does he know how much I love him?" she said, moving her hand slightly to take his even tighter in hers. "He's - I love him so much. He's always been there for me Zoe. All of this, he's stood beside me, supporting me, he's stood back when I needed him to, held me when I needed him to – he's waited for me, he's – " Maggie swallowed, a tear making it's way down her face. Reaching up, she brushed it away, a small shake of her head revealing her confusion.

"Maggie, don't worry. What you're feeling, the confusion, the emotional backflips, it's normal. You've had a lot to think about over the past few weeks, let alone the past two years, and it's all catching up with you. You do – "

Maggie's face darkened. "I remember. I remember who shot me and I remember why. The rest of it, it's hazy, but it's there."

"Good. Sort of." Zoe said, glad that her memories had returned, but her heart clenching with sadness for Maggie as she finally understood what had happened to her. "You know what I mean. Maggie listen, you don't have to go through this alone you know. Don't try to bottle it all up. I remember what you're like, and I know what he's like. He bottled it all up, held it all inside and it almost killed him. Don't you do that. He wants to be here for you, he wants to help you through it, and you need to let him. " Zoe leant forward, her gaze falling on PJ, before moving to look at Maggie again.

"Maggie, you need to let all of us help you through this. Now that you understand it all, you need to get through it and then you need to let it go. You have so many people who love you and want to help you, and you have - Maggie, PJ loves you so much – and you love him just as much. And if you let him in, if you trust him, then that's all you really need, Maggie. You two can get through this."

Maggie closed her eyes for a second, letting Zoe's words wash over her, before opening them again, watching PJ sleep, the sounds he made, the light snores that rumbled around the room all so achingly familiar, so reassuring and so grounding. Something seemed to click inside her, to fall into place and she suddenly knew, without a shadow of a doubt that everything would be all right. It wasn't going to be easy, hell it might feel as if her heart had been ripped out and shredded when she thought about her brother – but having PJ, having him beside her, loving her and caring about her, needing her as much as he did – they'd get through it, there was no doubt in Maggie's mind.

Zoe watched as the determination stole across Maggie's face, followed by a look of complete love and adoration as she smiled at PJ. "Good girl"

Perhaps feeling her eyes on him, or maybe feeling the strength of her love, whatever it was, PJ began to stir, his need to check on Maggie pulling him from his relaxing sleep. Catching Maggie's look, Zoe stood, smiling at her, before quickly moving over to the door, wanting PJ and Maggie to be alone when he woke.

He'd been dreaming of her. Dreaming of her walking down the aisle towards him, of her holding their daughter minutes after her birth, the boys gazing down at their new sister, dreaming of her telling him she loved him, and he responding in kind. He'd been dreaming of their future, their house full of laughter, of happiness and contentment. Dreaming of them getting through this, together and making their way out the other side. Dreaming, closer to home, of her waking up and of being able to tell her how much he loved her

Quite simply, he'd been dreaming of her.

With a sigh, PJ sat up, ready to face another day of waiting, of hoping – and of having those hopes shattered. Yes, Zoe had said she'd be waking up soon, but they'd been thinking that for a while now, and as stubborn as she ever was, Maggie was taking her own sweet time.

Rolling his shoulders in a vain attempt to dislodge the kinks that had cramped his muscles, PJ readied his heart for the inevitable disappointment of once again seeing Maggie still asleep in her hospital bed. Rubbing his eyes, he allowed his heart to hope against hope for a split second, almost falling off his chair in surprise when he saw her amused eyes shining right back at him.


	57. Chapter 57

57

PJ's blue eyes widened in surprise, both at the fact that her eyes were open and at the smirk she was now giving him.

"What?!" he couldn't help it.

"Just you "Maggie swallowed dryly, and PJ held a glass of water to her mouth, helping her to take a tiny sip. "Just you doing acrobatics" she finally croaked out.

"Wha – oh" PJ suddenly realised what she meant, and smiled. "Yes, well you try sleeping in a chair for a week, and then you see how – " he stopped and, if at all possible, his eyes widened even further. "Mags, you're awake!"

"So I am" she croaked.

"But you – you were –and now - you're awake!"

"I think we've established that fact"

"You're awake!"

Maggie sighed theatrically, and glanced down, finally finding the call button. "I'll call Zoe then shall I?"

"What?" PJ really couldn't take it all in.

"I think she means that it's usual practice to call a doctor once a patient wakes up after being unconscious for a week" Zoe said, smiling at Maggie as she came into the room, her smile faltering slightly as she saw Maggie's reaction.

"A week? I was – PJ – " As ever, Maggie turned to the one man who could help her make sense of the world.

"Mags," PJ said, having seen the look of panic race across her face, "Sweetheart, it's ok. You just needed to rest, you're ok, she's ok, isn't she?"

"She's fine" Zoe said, having finished checking on Maggie as they talked. "She'll probably be a bit tired for the next few days, but she's fine"

PJ's sigh of relief was almost hidden but, good copper that she was, Maggie picked it up, smiling over at him. PJ smiled back, his detective skills having picked up on her relaxing at Zoe's words as well.

"So," Zoe said, coming to stand at the end of the bed. She hated to do this, to break the little bubble that they were currently hiding in, but she had to. "Maggie, do you, - ah - look, I'm sorry, but do you remember anything?"

And just like that, Maggie's whole world turned upside down. Memories crashed in at her, the pain, not only physical but mental as well, the bullets piercing her body, realisation piercing her soul, Mick's eyes as he shot her, distraught but determined, the knowledge that she was dying, was losing PJ, the –

"Mags, sweetheart, calm down, breathe Maggie, breathe, come on – " PJ's voice finally penetrated the blind panic she'd been falling into, and she fought to get back to the surface, back to the safety that she knew he held, back to the warmth that surrounded her every single time she looked at him.

Maggie stared at him, forcing herself to mirror his movements, mirror his slow controlled breathing. He held her face gently in his hands, fingers stroking her cheeks in a calming movement, voicing words that neither really heard, but that brought her back to him just the same.

"PJ" she whispered, "PJ, it was - "

"I know," he whispered back, the alarming shriek of her heart monitor falling back into a steady rhythm, Zoe standing nearby with a syringe in her hand, before taking a step backwards and letting PJ take the place of medicine.

"It – " Maggie tried, words failing her again.

"Mags," PJ kissed softly her forehead, letting his head rest against hers. "I know"

""I need to say it though," Maggie choked out, before straightening up and taking his hand tightly in hers. "I need to say it, because then it's out there, and I can't hide from it any longer. I need to say it because it's real then, and I can't hide from it, and - and it can't hurt me, it can't - I can't hide behind it, I can't – "

"Mags" PJ's hands traced gentle calming patterns up and down her arms, as she struggled to get the words out. "Maggie, I love you. We'll get through this, you and I, we'll get through this together. You and me, Mags, we're a team. We can face anything together. I love you, and I'm never going to leave you. I'll be there for you every single second of the day, wherever, whenever and however you want me."

Maggie watched him, absorbing his words, taking it all in and finally feeling safe. Mick, Mick couldn't hurt her now. Nothing could hurt her now.

"It was Mick," she finally whispered. "My brother. Mick, he shot me" and with the words finally braking through, it was as if a dam had opened as fat scalding tears began to fall. "My own brother, PJ, it was Mick"

PJ held her as she sobbed, moving around to sit on the bed behind her and hold her tightly against his chest, his own tears falling softly on her hair as her heart broke. His own heart was breaking for her as it all finally sunk in, as she finally understood that it was family who had done this to her, family who had set in motion the final catastrophic events of the past few years.


	58. Chapter 58

58

Maggie lay back against PJ's chest as she let her words sink in. Holding his arms tightly around her, she began to talk.

"I – PJ, it was all happening so fast. I was leaving, you remember that, I was going into Witness Protection and – and I was going to – it was too dangerous for you to – I couldn't uproot you like – " Maggie swallowed a sob.

"I knew." PJ whispered, kissing her shoulder before his voice grew in strength. "I knew you were going to go without me, that they'd convinced you that it was too dangerous, and I was going to come with you anyway. I was going to tell you that night, I – Mags, I loved you. I couldn't have lived without you, and I was going to come with you whether you wanted me to or not"

Maggie smiled up at him, a watery exhausted smile, but a smile nonetheless. "I wanted you"

Reaching down over her shoulder, PJ captured Maggie's lips in a kiss, a quick kiss, but a kiss that spoke volumes. "I would have been there." PJ said softly.

"I know" Maggie smiled at him, before taking a deep breath and continuing, PJ's arms once again holding her safe, his chest solid and safe behind her. "I - PJ, you have to believe me, it wasn't your fault."

PJ tensed, knowing exactly what she was talking about. The call, the one that had enticed her to the Rail Yards, she'd thought it had come from him. It had been his voice that had brought her there, his words that she had trusted, him that she had come to meet.

But he had not been the one to make the call.

Mick had.

And Mick had been the one to shoot, to put two bullets into his sister in a desperate attempt to cover his tracks.

"PJ, - "

"I know. Mick played around with the tape, and it sounded like me, but it wasn't. It - that bastard used the way we felt about each other to entice you there. He – " Maggie felt PJ bristle with anger, before swallowing it down in an attempt to remain calm. PJ's anger, the intense viscous anger that he felt every single time he thought about Mick Doyle, that was the last thing Maggie needed right now.

Maggie took another deep breath, feeling his arms safe around her, feeling them tighten and feeling the kiss he placed on the top of her head. She could feel the anger radiating off him – could feel the anger and then feel the way he reigned it in, the way he brought himself under control again. They would have a lot to talk about, she knew that, but not right now.

"I went to the Rail Yards, and, well you know the rest. Mick shot me twice." Behind her, PJ winced. "The next thing I knew, I woke up in hospital, pregnant and confused. They gently fed me the story about Rick and the car accident, and I fell for it." Maggie said, bitterness creeping into her voice. "Peej, I believed them," she half sobbed, struggling to turn in his arms to face him. She had to apologise, had to make him understand, had to –

"Mags," PJ leant down and kissed her again, a kiss of trust, of love, of understanding. "It wasn't your fault. You'd been shot, you'd been in a coma, you had amnesia, traumatic amnesia – how the hell were you to know they were lying to you? Why wouldn't you trust them?"

"But I forgot you, I didn't remember you, and I let you go – " the tears were streaming down her face. PJ moved around from behind her, coming to sit beside her, gently taking her face in his warm hands, forcing her to look into his blue eyes.

"Maggie, you listen to me. It's not your fault. I don't blame you. You had amnesia, you didn't remember anything. If they'd left you alone and not filled your head with that story about Rick, then you might had had a chance, but how were you supposed to know that it wasn't true? How were you supposed to know that you couldn't trust them?" PJ kissed her nose, pulling back with a smile. "If they'd left you alone, you would have remembered me, I'm sure of that. I mean, just look at me, who could forget this gorgeous face, and as for this body…." PJ let his eyebrows wiggle in no uncertain way, smiling as she couldn't hold back a burst of laughter. "There you go, that's the Mags I know and love"

Maggie burrowed deep into his shoulder, breathing him in and sighing. "I love you" she said, pulling back and looking him in the eye.

"I love you too," PJ responded, leaning forward and kissing her deeply. Breaking apart, he smiled down at her, before moving back around behind her and wrapping her in his arms again.

For a moment there was a contented silence, both PJ and Maggie happy to lie there, wrapped up in each other. Reluctantly breaking the moment Maggie continued.

"They told me that I'd been in a car crash, and that I'd been impaled on something, which was why I had these scars," she said in a quiet voice. "They told me that my husband had been killed and that I was pregnant, with twins and both babies had survived. They – they showed me pictures of – " she stopped, pausing to gather strength, her strength arriving in the form of a gentle kiss. "They showed me pictures of a man they said was my husband. And I believed them"

"Mags, we've just – "

"I know," she gave him a tearful smile, still not quite understanding how she could have forgotten the man who held her, the man who had stood beside her, who had loved her since the first time he'd lain eyes on her. The man she loved just as much as he loved her.

"Not your fault" PJ said firmly.

"Not my fault" Maggie said,, almost believing it.

PJ frowned, using a finger to tilt her head up until she was looking him in the eye.

"Not"

She hesitated.

"Repeat after me and say if like you mean it, " PJ said firmly, before smiling at her to take the edge off his tone.

"Not"

"Not" Maggie said in a soft voice, repeating it when his brow furrowed slightly, "Not"

"My'

"My"

"Fault" PJ finished, waiting until she had repeated this words until he kissed her, kissed her with all of the love he could muster, trying to seal his words, to make her believe them.

"Mags," he said, somewhat breathlessly when they broke apart, "It really wasn't your fault. If you'd have known about me, and if I'd known you were alive, there would have been nothing on this Earth that would have kept us apart, yes?"

Maggie nodded, finally starting to believe.

"So what happened next" Zoe gently prompted, having stayed silent for the past hour.

Maggie looked over at her, taking a deep breath and continuing. "You probably know most of it. I got out of hospital and moved in next door to Kay and Luka, who sort of became like a surrogate family. Kay looked after me, and Luka, well he tried. Kay was like a mother to me, and she was there for all of the scans, for the hospital appointments."

"Was she – "PJ stopped. It was killing him that he hadn't been there through her pregnancy, that it hadn't been him that she'd turned to. It hurt beyond belief that he'd not been there for the birth of his sons, but nothing could change that, and it wasn't worth making life miserable because of something that couldn't be changed.

"She was there when they were born" Maggie said in a soft voice. She could see how much he was hurting. "I know it wasn't my fault PJ, but I am sorry. I'm sorry you weren't there. I'd give anything for you to have been there, but – "

"It's ok. " PJ forced a smile, relaxing into it when he realised he should be taking his own advice. "It's not your fault, and I know we need to talk about it, but I want you to know I'll be there for our next baby," he told her, his grin widening almost as much as her eyes had, the smirk smothered in the kiss which she bestowed on him.


	59. Chapter 59

She's coming home, she's coming home, it's Maggie, Doyley's coming home...........won't mean a thing youwere in the UK when Frank Skinner and David Baddiel released their footy song. Oooooook, sorry about that. And sorry about the delay with this story. Hope you enjoy this one.

C

59

Two days later, Maggie was going stir crazy. The hospital was now a mere formality, Maggie was back to normal, was coping with it all, she and PJ were coping – hell, they were more than coping, they were dealing with it all. They'd been talking, the two of them. Talking their socks off. They'd been having deep and meaningful talks, finally getting everything out into the open, accepting, understanding and analyzing it all – and then leaving it in the past where it belonged. The rest of the time was spent getting to know each other again, catching up on Mt Thomas news and gossip. Tom Croydon, it seemed, had an ear for everything and anything in Mt Thomas. It was his business to know what was going on in his town, that was his excuse. Maggie and Zoe had smirked, but made good use of his nose for news.

Today was the day though, the day Maggie was going home. Home being PJ's place where Nick and Zoe had been staying with the boys. Maggie sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for PJ to arrive, and he couldn't help the snort of laughter that escaped when he saw her sitting there.

"I take it you're ready then?" he said, coming over to give her a kiss.

"Shut up, you. I'm going nuts here, and I want to go home" she told him, standing up and grabbing a bag. "You take that one and let's go. PJ, what? What is it? What's that grin for?"

"Nothing. Just……….home. You're coming home" PJ's grin was wide as his eyes began to water. "I never, I just – " he stopped, swallowing tightly. Maggie instantly dropped her bag back onto the bed and moved over to him, wrapping her arms around him as she gently pulled him to her, understanding what he couldn't say.

"I love you PJ" she whispered as he held on tightly.

"Love you too" he whispered back.

"Again?" Nick's indignant voice came from the doorway. "No, Zo listen, every time we see them they're kissing or something. It's quite sickening" he grinned, as PJ and Maggie broke apart glaring at him, their glares turning to smirks as Nick suddenly winced and looked down. Near his feet stood two small identical boys looking curiously pleased with themselves as they stomped on Nick's feet.

"How?" Nick groaned, as the boys ran into the room, and into a parent's arms, PJ and Maggie sweeping their sons up into their arms.

"Instinct" PJ told him as he hefted a grinning Tom higher on his hip. "They saw Mags glaring at you and they protected her." He kissed his son on the top of his unruly hair. "Doyley, " PJ grinned, "We've got back up!"

"Yeah, well I'll soon bring them back to the dark side" Nick dug deep in his pocket before coming up with a triumphant smile and two Freddo Frogs. "Boys?"

Both Tom and Joe were now wriggling in their parents' arms and as soon as PJ and Maggie put them down, they were over beside Nick, wearing identical happy grins as they munched on the chocolate frogs. Looking up, Joe was momentarily confused, until it all suddenly became clear. Moving over to Maggie, he looked up at her, holding his arms up, Tom doing the same only moments later. Once again secure in their parent's arms, both twins smooshed their chocolate trophies into PJ and Maggie's mouths, looking triumphantly at each other when PJ and Maggie were forced to open their mouths and accept the mushy present.

"Ad – "Maggie swallowed the gloopy mess, grinning as PJ almost shuddered as he mirrored her actions, "Admit it Schultz, we win"

"Never" Nick said, and Maggie laughed out loud at the familiar look on his face.

"Oh, I'm so glad I've got my memory back, I owe you for so much, Nicholas" she said.

Nick paled slightly, moving to stand behind Zoe, before appealing to his best friend. "PJ, mate? I was there for you, I was completely there for you when you thought she was dead – " and Nick groaned out loud at the expression that suddenly appeared on both Maggie and PJ's faces as his words settled in. "I'm sorry" he whispered.

Maggie moved over to him, wrapping him in a one armed hug. "It's ok." She whispered to him, Joe looking at him with a confused expression on his little face as his buried his head in Maggie's neck as Maggie moved away.

Nick looked up, regret and apology written all over his face, and PJ gave him a small smile, accepting that his words had been in jest, had been a joke. Thing is, it was all still a little too soon.

"I'm sorry" Nick whispered again, giving Maggie a small smile and looking over at PJ.

The moment had vanished as Nick's words set in, and PJ fought against his feelings. She was back, here, with him, and the instant savage fear and anger that seized his heart was something he needed to fight against now. The misery he'd been living through, been living with – wallowing in – it was over. Maggie was back, standing beside him, alive and vibrant, loving him – PJ closed his eyes tightly, before opening them and locking gazes with her as he moved to stand beside her.

Reading him completely, Maggie stood on tiptoes, reaching up and softly – but completely – kissing him.

"Love you" she whispered, mirroring her actions from earlier. And this time, when PJ replied in kind, there was no interruption, no Nick to break the moment. He stayed quiet, understanding the magic of the moment. Breaking apart, PJ smiled down at her.

"Let's go home"


	60. Chapter 60

You need to thank Helen for sending me stories and prompting me to get writing again. I am so sorry for disappearing without trace, and well, I don't know what more I can say apart from aplogising again.

C

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60

"An' this where me and Joe sleep," Tom told his Mum, pulling him over towards his bed, PJ just managing to catch her as Maggie stumbled over a football that the boys had left on their bedroom floor.

"Guys, what have I told you about keeping this place tidy?" Nick said, ignoring the fact that Zoe's mouth had fallen open in shock.

Maggie had no such restraint. Wrapped in the safety of PJ's arms, she smirked over at Nick. "Getting a memory here. Something about kettles, pots and black…."

"You can shu – not say a word there Doyley. I'll have you know I keep a very neat and tidy house ….."Nick's voice tailed off as he caught sight of Zoe's eyebrows.

"So if we were to – "Zoe looked over her shoulder in the direction of the room they were currently saying in and grinned as she looked back at her husband.

"Yes, well, anyway, this ah, this is Tom and Joe's room then," Nick said, scooping up a twin in each arm and studiously ignoring the smirks that every other adult in the room now wore.

"Where Mummy sleep?" Joe suddenly piped up. "Zoo and Nick sleep there," he gestured in the vague direction of their room, "Me and Tom in here and 'Tective Daddy sleep in there" Joe pointed down the corridor.

"No more 'drooms, so where Mummy sleep?" Tom joined in the questioning, wrapping an arm around Nick's shoulder as he spoke.

It was Nick's turn to smirk now, as the silence grew.

"Mummy? Where you sleep? " Tom asked again, before his twin came to a sudden realisation.

"Silly Tom. Mummy sleep with Daddy" he grinned.

Tom reached over, swiping at his brother, nearly causing Nick to drop them. "NOT silly. You mean Joe. Not silly!" he was determined to get at Joe, who just stuck his tongue out at Tom.

"Tom Hasham, you stop that right now." PJ snapped, reaching over and grabbing Tom, Nick managing to subdue Joe. "Joe is right, Mummy will be sleeping in with me, so I can make sure she's ok, and before you say anything, no, you can't look after her because you're too little. Daddy's look after Mummies at night when they have been sick like your Mummy has, and not little boys. You two get to look after her in the daytime, and I will keep her safe at night.

Joe, wrapped tight in Nick's arms gave a victorious look at his brother, who continued to glare back at him. PJ tucked Tom tightly on his hip, before turning to look at Joe.

"And I don't know what you're looking so smug about matey, you need to apologise to Tom here. We do not go round calling each other names, and it was wrong to be so mean to your brother. What do you have to say?"

Joe gasped, turning his baby blue eyes to look at his Mum, who shook her head, he'd get no support there. Sighing, Joe squirmed to look over at his brother. "I sorry," he whispered.

"Pardon?" Maggie said, gesturing over at PJ to put Tom down, as Nick followed suit. Joe looked over at Tom.

"Not silly" Tom said, his little face a curious mixture of anger and a rather wobbly bottom lip. The boys rarely fought, and when they did, it was fierce, but always over in minutes.

Joe toddled over to his brother and stared at him for a moment, before wrapping him in a rather ungainly hug. "Not silly. I sorry Tom."

"And Tom? What do you have to say?" PJ persisted, Nick and Zoe smiling as they watched Daddy PJ. Maggie just stood, a soft smile on her face.

"I sorry Joe. I not want to hit you really," Tom said, suddenly reaching over and tickling his twin. The pair of them collapsed in a heap of shrieking laughter, the volume becoming deafening as after a nudge from Zoe, Nick picked the two of them up and carried them to the sofa, where he proceeded to take the pair of them on in a game of tickle torture.

"You called him Hasham" Maggie said, moving over to PJ who was watching his family.

"Hm?" he said, his blue eyes finding hers as he felt her wrap his arms around his waist.

"Tom. You called him Tom Hasham," she softly repeated.

"I – " PJ stopped for a moment, casting his mind back over the last few minutes. "I did, didn't I? Mags, I, look I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I know they're Doyles, but I just, it– "

"It felt right." She smiled at him. "It felt, PJ, it felt right. They're your sons, and the world should know that."

"The world?" he grinned back, perfectly willing to shout it from the rooftops. Maggie Doyle was back, back with his sons, he and Maggie were parents. His Mags was back!

"You know what I mean, you idiot,' she grinned, her eyes widening slightly as PJ suddenly reached down and kissed her, his blue eyes sparkling with excitement and passion. Breaking away breathlessly, she smiled up at him. "What I was trying to say is that Mt Thomas should know they're your sons."

Her smile fell slightly as reality sunk in again. "I mean, Peej, it's going to be hard enough facing everyone without them wondering who the father is and talking about me behind me back."

PJ's blue eyes, only moments ago clouded with passion for the woman in his arms, now darkened with frustration. . Shaking his head slightly, he clamped down on his emotions, before reaching over and lifting Maggie's chin with a finger, forcing her to look at him.

"Maggie Doyle, you listen to me, and you listen good."

She couldn't meet his eyes, her usually ordered emotions clouded with confusion. It had seemed a good idea at the time, coming back like this. She'd really thought she could do it, but – but now, now that she was actually here, now that word had got around that she was back, it was daunting. It was – she was scared.

"Mags?" PJ's gentle voice broke through.

"Maybe I shouldn't have come back. Maybe we should have stayed there, you and me and the boys, maybe we – "

"Maggie, - "

"But I couldn't, PJ, I - once I remembered, once I started to remember it all, Mt Thomas is my home PJ, I had to come back here, I – PJ, I had to, but –but I - " she stopped, her head spinning with confusion and fear.

"Mags, please, just listen to me" Once again PJ's calm tones broke through. "Sweetheart, I know you're scared," PJ looked up as a footstep started down the hall, his eyes meeting Zoe's. Looking between the two of them, their emotions all too evident Zoe turned, and soon the boys were squealing happily as she and Nick flung the footy around in the back yard.

PJ led Maggie down the hall, and into the bedroom closing the door behind them and sitting her down on the bed.

"I know you're scared about this, and I can't even begin to imagine how huge all of this all is for you. People will be curious Mags, this town they loved you, and you - " he took a deep breath, it still killed him to say it – "You were dead Mags, they thought you were dead, and now you're back. You're alive again, and not just you, but the boys as well. You're back with two little boys, who are undoubtedly mine. People are going to want to know what happened. Actually, if I'm honest, it's not as if they haven't already been asking questions, but I think the Boss and the others have been fielding for us and keeping it all quiet." He stopped, drawing her into a hug, before straightening up. Standing, he moved over to the window, quietly watching as his sons tackled Nick, their happiness palpable, their laughter echoing around the garden. Turning, he looked over at Maggie.

"I love you Maggie Doyle. I always have, and I always will. I love Mt Thomas too, my job, the people, all of it, but you Mags, you mean more to me than anything, than any of that. You – you are - Mags, you're my life. You own my heart, my soul. You are everything to me. So, well, it's up to you. We'll do whatever you want, whatever you need to feel happy. All I want is for you to be happy," he said, coming back to kneel down beside her, his hands taking hers, resting his forehead against hers. "It's all I've ever wanted."

"So – so if I wanted to go back, if I wanted – "

"We'd go. Mags, you don't have to do this." PJ said firmly, moving to sit beside here again.

"But the Maggie you knew would have. The Maggie you knew would have faced this head on and got over it. Would have - "

"The Maggie that matters is the one sitting here, the one with me now. You're the one that matters, sweetheart. You, here and now."

"But – " she pinned him with a look, "I know I'm all over the place here, and I know I'm all go ahead and then pulling back, but – " she stopped, and as ever, he caved.

"Ok, if you really want to do that, if you really want to split yourself into a before and after, then, well, yes, the Maggie before would have gone in guns blazing. But Mags, the Maggie before, she didn't have the boys, she didn't - she hadn't gone through what you've been through, she – " he tailed off, watching her think. "Mags?"


	61. Chapter 61

61

Maggie stood up, wandering over to the window, gazing out as she tried to make sense of the maelstrom of emotions that were washing through her. Doyle's were strong, Doyle's faced things head on. Doyle's dealt with things. And she was a Doyle, she knew that. The thing was, it was almost as if she had only been a Doyle for a short while, and she was still growing into it. Her past life, the one so kindly made up for her – and what a wonderfully kind thing that had been…not – they'd developed a quiet personality, developed someone who, for a while after she got out of the hospital, had stepped back and let the world wash over her. For a long while, Maggie had allowed the world to pass her by, wary of taking on too strong a stance, of standing up for herself.

She smirked as she reminisced. That hadn't lasted long, that quiet, reticence. All too soon her natural instinct to get in there and make a difference had returned. As her pregnancy had progressed, Maggie had found herself becoming stronger, had found herself protecting her children, and then her own actions and reactions more and more. Maggie Doyle was back, disguised as Mel Draper to everyone, including Maggie herself.

And that had been ok for a while. On the whole, it had suited her, the life they'd developed. On the whole. They'd been happy, Meg, Tom and Joe. They'd had good neighbours, she'd been happy in her work, and she thought she'd been happy at home. She'd even dated a few times, but it just hadn't worked. Something had been wrong, something off kilter with every man she'd tried to show an interest in. She'd never really been sure what exactly it was, but she'd never felt ready to let a man into her life.

And then, then Tom and Zoe had arrived on her doorstep and turned her world upside down. Tom, Zoe, Nick, and PJ. PJ. Maggie turned away from the window to see him watching her with a soft smile on his face. She stared at him, seeing the love he felt for her, the acceptance, the gentle adoration. Seeing his readiness to accept whatever she chose to do. He would follow her to the ends of the world and beyond if she asked him to. He would leave behind his beloved Mt Thomas and follow her back to her 'fictional' world, back to the life that had been created for her, and he would try to fit in. He would immerse himself in her life.

Except he shouldn't have to .

And neither should she, Maggie shook her head.

Despite what had happened, despite her emotional reaction at the railway and her subsequent hospital stay, Mt Thomas still felt like home. She felt safe, content – felt happy here. The memories had returned, and it felt familiar. She knew Mt Thomas, knew how it worked, knew the mentality, the small town fascination and frustrations – she KNEW this place.

And despite it all, despite the knowledge that she would be the center of attention for a good long while, despite the fact that she and PJ and the boys would be the talk of the town, despite everything, she wanted this. Wanted Mt Thomas. Wanted this life.

PJ's blue eyes lit up with happiness as Maggie began to smile. He met her halfway as she moved towards him, wrapping her in his arms as he spun her around, before lowering his head and capturing her lips in a fierce, emotionally charged kiss.

"Mags?" PJ whispered as they broke apart, praying that he'd read her right, that she'd come to a decision and that they would be staying.

Maggie smiled up at him, sighing happily at the grin that wove its way across his face.

"I'm home."


	62. Chapter 62

And so, after what seems like an eternity and then some, this story is drawing to an end. Thank you chiefly to Helen, who is wonderful, and to everyone who has reviewed, encouraged and nudged me to get a move on and write. I owe you all a huge hug and a huge thank you.

C

* * *

62

And so it began. Maggie Doyle was back. Hasham and Doyle, Doyle and Hasham. Actually, Hasham, Doyle and family. Mt Thomas had been delighted to have their favourite copper back, even if she hadn't reclaimed that particular role back just yet. And she had been just as delighted with them. Yes, people had been curious, and yes, there had been a lot of questions, but, as ever, Maggie had handled it all with her usual tact and diplomacy, only resorting to a blunt 'none of your business' once (compared to PJ, who tended to be the opposite, but then tact and diplomacy were never his strengths).

They'd rented a house, a three bedroomed house with a huge garden for the boys, who were delighted with what, for them, was a play area the size of a football pitch. Maggie had enrolled them in playgroup, which they loved, while she and PJ worked on the mountain of paperwork that was involved in getting her reinstated in the police force. PJ was back at work, not so covertly involving her in a lot of his cases, which, surprisingly enough was causing no problems whatsoever – except to the criminal fraternity who began to feel rather doomed.

Chris Reilly had been delighted to have her ally and friend back, and their friendship had gone from strength to strength, the boys adopting her as Aunty Chris within days. She'd become their favourite babysitter, which had nothing to do with the fact that each twin got a Freddo Frog each time Aunty Chris came round for the night – or day, depending on where work took their parents.

Zoe and Nick had moved back to Mt Thomas, and Nick was soon once again the bane of Tom Croydon's working life, and the cause of many a wry smile. Zoe had rejoined the hospital, but had had to go on leave a few months after she arrived, delighted to announce that a Mini Shultz would soon be joining the ranks. Tom and Joe could not wait for their baby cousin to arrive, and set about telling Zoe exactly what they would be playing with him, while Nick put both the fear of God, and an incredible sense of pride and joy into Tom Croydon by asking him to become an honorary future Grampa.

Kay and Luka visited often, and Maggie and her family returned the favour. The boys still adored Luka, and while they missed each other greatly, both Kay and Maggie agreed that it was better that she and Luka stayed where they were. Luka was settled, happy and flourishing in his new job at the supermarket. He was the life and soul of the supermarket, the customers adored him, his smiling face around the place as he did his odd jobs making what could have been a mundane chore that little bit more bearable.

And then there was Maggie and PJ.

Maggie Doyle and PJ Hasham.

Maggie Doyle, who was going to remain Maggie Doyle, even though she had the world's most beautiful engagement ring on her finger, and the world's happiest fiancé. They'd talked about it, lain there for hours and talked about it, and both of them had come to the conclusion that she needed to grow into her name again, to own it again. That didn't mean that they couldn't get married, women often kept their own name and got married into the bargain. PJ hadn't minded at all, Maggie's 'Doylishness' was one of the things that had always drawn him to her.

They'd picked up their lives where they had left off, and at the same time had started anew. Familiar existed alongside the unknown future, and neither would have it any different. The future held so many possibilities, so many new chances, and they would face them as a team, as part of each other – they would face them together because they knew each other, they knew each other's hearts, knew their souls.

They would face them together because they could.

Because she was back, and because they could both now face the future as one.

PJ smiled to himself as he held her in his arms, the door to his office closed and shielding them from view. The man made memories that had been so creatively forced upon her and the crippling memories that had almost brought him to his knees, they were all in the past and it was time to move forward. It was time to let it go, and it was time to celebrate.

Definitely time to celebrate, PJ's grin widened as he once again gazed down at the small white stick that she held so tightly in her hand, conclusive evidence for two fine police officers, that everything was changing, that their happiness was only going to continue to grow, as was their family.

Doyle and Hasham, Hasham and Doyle, memories and future combined. The world was theirs and they were going to grab on to it with both hands and thoroughly enjoy the ride.


End file.
